Empress

Cinder POV (On the topic of my mood)

Despite the title the chapter is not that sad.

"Are you sure you are not hungry?" Kai asks softly offering my some of his, salmon fish whatever he got at the French café.

"No, I'm fine." The stuff smells absolutely revolting. Disgusting. I haven't even taken a bite yet and I already want to vomit.

Kai glances at me with worry, "You haven't eaten all day, you have to eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"Mm mm mm Cinder you are really missing out on something." Thorne says from across the room.

"No," I slide of my chair, behind Kai, "I am fine."

I want to cry, which, if you ask me is a very interesting feeling. Especially because  I can't but mainly because I just feel hopeless. Which makes absolutely no sense because everyone that I care about is either on this ship with the exception of Jacin and Winter. Then the world starts to spin and  I stumble back into Kai's chair.

He turns around wide-eyed, "Cinder?"

I take in two deep, deep breath, " I am fine, I will be fine. I just need to take a little."

"Uh oh." Thorne mutters.

I glare at him but then shift my gaze hearing clucking. It's Scarlet. She is leaned against the counter top clucking her touch and shaking her head with a mischievous grin on her face. I glare at her.

I pick up my duffel back from the ground of the kitchen and head back to the crew quarters. I don't know why but at this moment I kind of just feel depressed. I let my duffel bag slide off of my arm onto the ground, then I drop myself onto the bed. Nearly missing the bottom of the top bunk. I sigh, staring out into the small cramped room which I am to live out of for the next few weeks. Not that I am ungrateful or all of a sudden some stuck up princess, it just seems to always in be in hear or around hear that I come to some great realization. Like when I was pregnant. Like the night after my engagement. Being engaged was nice but it was the night after that really made it memorable....

I slide off my boots and throw my legs onto the bed burying my head in the stiff pillow. I want to scream for absolutely no reason. Which is almost worse than knowing why you are mad. And I don't even know if I am mad. 

The door opens and someone walks toward me, "Hey."

I look up, it's Kai. It always seems to be Kai these days, just like there always seems to be something going on with me these days. 

I let my head fall back into the pillow.

The door opens again, I pick up my head and look over to see Scarlet and Wolf entering the room with little baby Michelle. That little girl is the cutest thing in the world, her and Liam. Children are the cutest little things.

Scarlet walks over to me practically shoving Kai out of the way with her shoulder, "Cinder."

I drag in a long breath, "Yes."

"Are you okay?"

I roll my eyes, letting my head drop back into the pillow. "Sure."

I can feel Scarlet glare at me, "I don't know what you are going through but I have two things to say to you. One, whatever this please get it sorted before Cress's wedding. We all know you are the center of this whole operation and I think that if you were in a bad mood it would drag the entire celebration down. And two, Cinder you know I am always hear for you. So you know if you want to talk just take a trip to the other side of the room."

"Okay, okay. I'll be happy for Cress's wedding in a few days."

"I just want you to know that I think you are pregnant." Scarlet whispers in a mischievous tone that sends chills down my back.

I look up at her, "And how do you know that, mademoiselle?" 

 "I just know, Cinder. I just know." She winks, grins and walks back to Wolf.

So tricky. Yet always so inspirational.

I feel the bed go down on one side and I push up on my arms and see Kai sitting on the other side of the bed grinning wildly at Scarlet and Wolf.

You know how weird it is to see your husband grinning at another couple? It is very strange and requires much explanation. "Kai, what are you doing?" I ask deciding that if I am going to be talking I might as well sit up.

"Just watching them." Kai whispers in a mystified voice.

I roll my eyes even though I know he is not looking at me. Rolling ones I eyes just gives you a certain satisfaction, that I can't explain. "I know what you are doing but why?"

He shrugs his gaze fading slowly over to me. "I don't don't you think their little family is cute?"

My heart lurches into my mouth, because I am to things. One, I want a child. And, Cinder you are such a failure you can't even do the one thing you where put on this condemned planet to do. "Yeah, sure their family is cute." I mutter.

He stares at me intensely for a second driving me absolutely crazy and not in a good way. I don't know if he has noticed but lately I have been mentally, emotionally and at sometimes physically unstable. I need words, actually words that I can understand.

He removes his gaze from me taking out his port, his kisses me on the forehead and walks out the room muttering something about how he needs to call Jacin. I glare at his back as he leaves the room before letting me say anything else.

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