The Advice Column I

Ninety-Nine

Advice Request
This person is having a guy message them when they don't want him to. He's making them uncomfortable.

Answered Submission
My dear, what you are going through happens more often than you think. The one thing I ask of you, first, is not to approach him, and do not, under any circumstances, begin to panic because that will distract you from keeping your head in the game. I'm assuming that you know who the guy is personally since you know that he is older than you, so I'm going to give you a very strict set of instructions. Please read carefully.

The first thing you need to do is to visualize your emotions. Picture a box in your head, and shove everything in there. Your head needs to be clear if you are to deal with the situation, and you cannot have any guilt over doing any of this. Second, confide in your parents and a close friend. The worst possible thing you can do is not alert someone of what is going on. God forbid something happens to you because of him; they need to know who exactly is responsible so they can deal with the situation. I'm not saying this to worry you, but it is just a precaution for your own personal safety. Third, you need to find out how he got your number, if it wasn't you who gave it to him. Once you are able to find out who gave your number away, then you can file that person under DO NOT tell new number to. Which brings me to the fourth point: change your number, and when you do, request your service provider to have his number be blocked from your phone completely. They are able to do it more thoroughly than you can. Share this number only with trusted people, and, of course, people like group-project partners and the like. Fifth, after doing all this, go to that closest friend and implement a buddy system. From now on, you are not allowed to even go to the bathroom alone. You need to have someone there with you at all times. Now, this guy may not be a threat, but as of right now, he is posing imminent harm, so that's why we are taking this step. Bathrooms and alleyways are a big no-no alone. Those are the places he would most likely try to corner you to "talk." Sixth, make sure you have a ride to and from school, not your own. Since he has managed to get your number, that means he has to know you well enough to know your friends, and if you drive a car, he probably would know which one you drive. You must have a ride to and from school every day—no exceptions. You should also try your best to limit time you spend at school during after-school hours. If you have to work on a project or homework with some other people, go to the public library or Starbucks. Do not stay after school. Seventh, as a precaution, attend at least one self-defense class. Even a single-hour session can do wonders. The first thing that they will tell you is to go for the groin if they try to attack. I am not joking. This may very well allow you to escape, if need be. Now, please, please, please be careful and implement everything I said as soon as possible. I only say this for your own safety, not mine. You may think that this is a bit much, but you cannot take chances. Anyone who makes you feel this uncomfortable is not a good person to be around. As a final note, DO NOT under any circumstances respond to his texts or calls or any method he tries to contact you.

Stay safe, and if you need us again, we are here for you.

The Advice Column Team