The Advice Column I

Ninety-Eight

Advice Request
This person is being bullied by their friends.

Answered Submission
I'm very hurt to hear this, especially since I had an abusive friend myself.

Although this friend of mine never physically hit or harmed me, she did verbally abuse me on a regular basis. She made fun of the way I look, dress, and feel about things. She mocked me for my interests and degraded me for thinking a certain way. For example, she would say, "Your sisters are a lot more prettier than you" or "You used to be so pretty" in a "joking" manner, but I knew for a FACT that she was NOT kidding. She was fun to hang out around, but there had never passed a day where she wouldn't hurt my feelings by saying something disgusting. I endured her abuse for two years, but, at one point, she did something so law that I sat down and thought to myself: She's fun to hang out around until she opens her mouth and hurts me. After much thinking, I realized that distancing myself away from her is, indeed, the best thing to do for me. And guess what? I left her, and I don't even regret it until this very day. As of now, I feel relieved that I escaped her ridiculousness. I have other friends who are a lot more supportive, caring, AND ARE NOT VERBALLY ABUSE.

I hope you see where I'm getting at. Friends are supposed to be your backbone at all times. If someone hurts you in any way, then they sure as heck are not friends. They're bullies. They're harassers. And they're definitely not people you should be around. You deserve to be around people who genuinely want to hang out with you because they like you. Wanting to hang out around people who are fun but abusive is never a good thing, and you seem to realize that, so good for you!

There are many different ways you can end relationships with people. Seeing which way works best for you might be a little hard, but you'll get it eventually. :)

You can either try to distance yourself away from them gradually until, one day, your so far that you hardly ever communicate with them anymore. Personally, this is the approach I took with my friend, and it worked great. If you feel like this is the right way to go, then feel free to do this!

If you want an alternate approach, then you can try confronting them. Meet them and let them know the truth: You will not put up with their harassment anymore, and, so, for this reason, you will not be friends with them anymore. Let them know that, if you they are try to bully you again, you will not hesitate to get adults involved. You're a human who deserves to be treated with respect, so don't ever accept any ill-treatment from anyone! To be safe, I would inform an adult about their bullying if you choose to take this approach...actually, awareness is important, so you should even inform at least one trusted adult about this harassment; they don't have to necessarily do anything about it (UNLESS IT PERSISTS), but they should be aware of the situation.

One thing you should not do is ignore them. That will make them think you're angry at them. And maybe you are, but guess what? There are better ways to handle these types of situations. If you break your friendship with them, it's going to be hard at first; it might even hurt a lot, and you might miss them, but once you realize that you are now free from their maltreatment, you'll see the true value of freedom. You'll be grateful that you did the right thing by leaving them.

I also want to note that if you ever seem them around after quitting your friendship, don't act awkward around them. You don't have to talk to them, nor do you have to acknowledge them, but, at the same time, don't create any unnecessary tension. Keep the past in its place, hold your head up high, and just keep swimming.

We genuinely hope everything works out for you!

The Advice Column Team