She sat on the curb of the road as her heart pounded hard in her chest and blood dripped from her hands. As she sat there figuring out what happened, she couldn't even wrap her head around what had happened.
She just kept thinking about if she wouldn't have been able to climb out of her car before the truck hit it if she would still be alive. Her whole life had flashed before her eyes, and she had no idea at all what to do next.
"Ma'am?" A soft voice questioned, as the officer squatted down in front of her. She kept her eyes focused at the asphalt between his shoes because she didn't want to see another person's face right now. She just wanted to be alone.
"You are in shock, ma'am. I'm going to help you to an ambulance and take you to the hospital. We need to get you checked out. Your car was hit by a van." He spoke, as he reached out and gently touched the woman's shoulders. As soon as he was touching her arms, he could feel that she was shaking. He didn't know if it was just from the shock or from something else.
She just let her body be helped up, but she didn't seem to be in her body anymore. It was like she was hovering above the whole scene. She could see the bodies laying on the ground covered in sheets, and she could still hear the dripping of gas from the truck that had barrelled into her car.
She could hear the soft whimpering of another victim, but she couldn't force herself to look. She didn't want to see the aftermath of the pile up that almost took her life.
"Where did that blood come from?" An EMT questioned, as the woman was forced to sit on a gurney and was strapped down so she didn't get hurt on the ride to the hospital.
"No idea. Just get her to the hospital in one piece. I've gotta stay here and wait for the ME to show up." The officer spoke, before reaching out and gently touching the woman's arm.
"You'll be okay. I'll come to check on you later. Alright?" He spoke gently, but she didn't even nod. He didn't know if she heard him at all, but he hoped she did.
///
People walked around the ER, but all she could see was a blur. She managed to distinguish the different colored scrubs, but she didn't manage to see faces or answer questions. She just sat numbly as the blood dried on her hands and as tears trickled down her cheeks.
"We got a call about a pile-up accident, but we don't know why." A familiar voice spoke, and for the first time since the woman was brought in, she spoke.
"Elliot." She breathed, and the nurse standing beside her turned to look at her.
"Elliot? Who is Elliot?" The nurse questioned quietly, but her patient didn't reply. But she could tell that she was listening to the sounds around her now.
"Detective Stabler, there was a badge found on the scene and we don't know who it belongs too. That's why we called. 6 people were killed in the accident, only 3 survived. We didn't know if one of the deceased is a cop." A doctor spoke, and the patient turned to look at the open trauma room door.
"It's Elliot." She spoke, and the nurse quickly left the room and saw two detectives standing with the doctor outside of the trauma room.
"Are one of you Elliot? My patient responded to hearing a voice and she hasn't said a thing since she was brought in."
"I'm Elliot. What does she look like?" Elliot questioned, as Fin shifted closer to his partner for the night.
"Brunette, middle-aged, brown eyes. There is a scar on her head, it's zigzag." The nurse spoke, and Elliot and Fin quickly moved past her and into the room.
They froze when they saw Olivia on a hospital bed. Her hair was matted with blood, and they could see the dry blood on her hands and on her clothes. She looked so small laying in that bed.
"Liv?" Elliot questioned, and she looked over at him but no spark of recognition was seen in her dark eyes.
"I climbed out of my car after the van hit me. I almost died. A truck almost killed me." Olivia mumbled, as she turned her head back and looked down at her hands. She peeled them apart since the blood was still sticky.
"Honey, you are alive though," Elliot spoke, as he approached her bed.
"I don't know where this came from." She spoke numbly as she turned her palms up and moved her arms over to Elliot. Elliot gently held her hands but didn't touch her palms.
"We can get them cleaned up. Do you want that?" He asked.
"My belly hurts," Olivia spoke, and Elliot nodded slowly before nodding towards Fin. Fin walked over and ever so gently lifted the hem of Olivia's shirt up and they saw a large bruise and a deep cut on her stomach.
"I'm going to get the nurse." Fin spoke, and Elliot nodded. He kept his eyes focused on Olivia's face as she went silent.
"Liv, they will help you," Elliot spoke, as he let go of one of her hands before reaching up and pushing her hair away from her forehead when he felt sticky blood on his hand.
"Did I kill them?" Olivia asked, and Elliot quickly shook his head as he grew angry at the people taking care of his partner. They clearly hadn't done their job since it felt like her head was bleeding and her stomach had clearly been injured.
"You didn't kill them, Olivia. The accident wasn't your fault."
"What if it was?" She asked as she let her head turn back to Elliot.
Elliot didn't know how to respond. He just leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently before just silently praying that she'd be okay.
///
Her injuries would heal. Her hair would grow back. Her bruises would fade. But inside she was still incredibly injured.
Flashes of the accident still woke her up, but she was never screaming from those nasty nightmares. She always just woke up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down her cheeks.
She never made it through a full day of work without having to go home because she just starts crying randomly. She never drove, and when she did go to work she'd ride the bus or the subway because she felt safer that way.
She attended the funerals for the now 8 that had passed and she felt survivor's guilt in a way that she never thought she would.
Everyone tried to help her, but it was hard when they didn't know how to help her. They wanted so badly to see that flame she once had, but after what had happened and after seeing the dark emptiness that was now in Olivia's eyes, they knew that flame may never return.
"Uh, Detective Benson?" A voice questioned. Olivia was sitting on a bench on the side of the road where the accident had happened. The crew could always find her here, and usually, they would have to carry her away because she would freeze and just focus on what had happened.
She would sit here in the rain. Thunderstorms. Hot days. Cold days. She just didn't know how to get past the trauma she had experienced.
"Detective Benson?" The voice questioned again, and Olivia turned to see a man standing beside her. He was dressed casually, but she could see the shine of a badge on his belt loop.
"That's me." She breathed. He nodded slowly before starting to speak again.
"Uh, I'm the officer that responded to the 911 call. I was the one that got you into the ambulance after the accident." He spoke, and Olivia swallowed hard before turning to look back at the street.
"Where is your uniform?" Olivia questioned.
"I traded them out for the life of a detective. I never managed to get time to come see you when you were at the hospital. I apologize for that." He spoke, as he hesitantly sat down beside her.
"It's okay." She replied dryly.
"Are you okay?" He questioned.
"I never will be." She admitted. If the crew had been here, they would be surprised about how much Olivia was talking. About how she was talking to someone who had been there after the accident.
"I won't be either..." He trailed off. Olivia turned to look at him.
"It was really bad, wasn't it?" She questioned. No one really shared too much information on the crash with her because they didn't want her to get worse, but she wanted to know. She needed to know what happened because then she could start questioning how she managed to survive when no one else did.
"It was the worst that I have seen, and I was an officer for 12 years."
"I knew that as a member of the NYPD, that I'd see the worst of the worse. Between the perps, the crime scenes, the victims... but I never expected to be a victim. That I'd be a part of something like I was. All I wanted to do was go home and drink wine." Olivia spoke before she leaned back against the back of the bench. She looked down at her hands that still seemed to be a little darker than they once were. It was like the blood never got cleaned up all the way.
"I cried like a baby that night. My partner had to call my mom to come to get me because I couldn't stop. It was pretty bad." He spoke, laughing weakly.
"I had a big cut on the top of my head, bruises covering my whole body, and a deep gash to my stomach. That is where the blood came from." Olivia breathed.
"I'm Adam by the way. Adam Clear." He spoke, as he reached out and offered his hand to Olivia. She hesitantly took it before shaking it.
"Do you still get nightmares?" Olivia asked, and Adam nodded.
"I do. On Wednesdays mostly."
"I get them every night. It's horrible... I still can't stop feeling guilty about this all. That I was the one to take the life of 8 people." Olivia whispered. Adam grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently.
"We did the usual report on the accident. The van that hit you had bad breaks. They gave out. You weren't the one to cause that. And the truck that hit your car and the SUV that hit the van both weren't paying attention. We tracked their paths and they both had gone in and out of their lanes." He spoke, and Olivia started to cry.
She dropped her head and sobbed. Adam slid closer to her before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She quickly turned into him and clung to him as the tears ran freely.
They sat there and Adam felt a few tears run down his own cheeks, but even as the tears mixed with the rain that started to pour down, they didn't move.
Adam and Olivia clung to each other as they cried over the lives that were lost and the pain that they both experienced.
///
One year after the accident a statue was placed on the side of the road to honor the victims of the accident. Olivia stood there and listened as the Mayor talked about those that had passed in one of the worse accidents that had happened since he took office. Standing beside Olivia was Adam. He and Olivia had started to see each other once a week, and those dinners turned into more.
Adam made Olivia feel safe, and they both helped each other through the pain they felt from what they had experienced. Olivia always woke up in Adam's arms after her nightmares, and Adam always had Olivia to talk to after his nightmares on the usual Wednesday nights.
"We survived a year." Adam breathed as the tarp was pulled back and the statue was revealed.
"Just many more to go," Olivia whispered as she moved closer to him. He wrapped an arm around her waist before kissing her temple gently.
After the cameras had left and the Mayor pulled away in his town car, Olivia and Adam moved to the statue and read the names out. They stood there and prayed silently before they walked away together.
Hey guys, so I didn't expect to write this or for it to be like 2000 words long but I've been feeling down lately and clearly it has been represented in this dark one shot. But it is such a powerful one shot and I ended up in tears for most of it. Please vote and comment all of your feedback below. Thank you.