Olivia laid back on the examination table, as her doctor walked towards her with the portable heartbeat monitor. Olivia closed her eyes as she rolled her shirt up, and waited for the doctor to tell her that she couldn't hear the heartbeat. It wouldn't be the first time that Olivia had a positive pregnancy test, and when she went in to get her pregnancy confirmed she'd only find out that the test was a false positive.
"Where is Elliot today?" Dr. Lee asked as she tried to distract Olivia before trying to find a heartbeat.
"He had work. And I do too, but I took the morning off." She spoke, and Dr. Lee nodded.
"You should really take the whole day off because you work too hard." She smiled gently because she knew that even if she told Olivia that she was working herself to death, Olivia would still go back into work.
Olivia kept her eyes closed as she felt the wand on her stomach, and she swallowed hard as she tried to prepare herself for another disappointment.
"Alright, I'm having a hard t-" Dr. Lee started, but then all of a sudden a strong heartbeat filled the room. Olivia closed her eyes even tighter to try and stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks. She loved hearing her baby's heartbeat, but the hardest part is when they go into find the heartbeat at around 20 weeks, there is never one to be heard again.
"There we go!" Dr. Lee exclaimed as she looked down at Olivia. Out of all the women she has worked with over the many years she's been a doctor, Olivia was the one that got her the most. She knew how hard her life has been because she was also the doctor who told Serena that she was pregnant. Dr. Lee also saw Olivia and Elliot come in and find out that the shots didn't work, that the baby had passed away, that they had to go through more suffering to try and get a baby that probably would never come.
"I'm not going to get my hopes up, Dr. Lee. I don't even want to try and plan for this baby because, in reality, I may never meet my baby." Olivia whispered as she looked at the doctor.
Dr. Lee didn't speak. She just lifted the wand from Olivia's stomach and sat it to the side.
"Every other week I want to see you. I want to make sure that this baby will be going home with you. I'll do all of the blood tests possible, and even if I have to put you on bedrest. I will do everything in my power, Olivia. I'm tired of seeing you leave here in tears because we couldn't find a heartbeat."
///
Olivia didn't tell anyone that she was pregnant. She kept it quiet from the crew when she arrived back at the station house after her appointment. She went into her office and shut her door and pulled the blinds down before walking over and sitting at her desk. She quietly hung her head and cried.
She was scared more than any other emotion. She was scared that before she knew it, she'd get that cramping again, and the blood she was losing wouldn't just be spotting it would be a telltale sign that her baby was no longer growing in her stomach.
Even if she was scared to death, her husband deserved to know that there was a strong heartbeat, but that he wasn't supposed to get his hopes up.
"Elliot Stabler, Sergeant of Internal Affairs," Elliot answered, because he was in the middle of going through case files, and didn't have time for a call. But when he heard his wife's shaky breaths he knew he had to make time.
"Olivia? Is that you?" He asked, and Olivia swallowed hard before whispering 'mhmm'.
"Baby, where are you? Did you go home? I can come home right now to be with you."
"Elliot, it was there," Olivia whispered, as her facial expression stayed expressionless, only tears were the things that changed her expression a bit.
"What was there? Are you okay? What did Dr. Lee say?" Elliot questioned eagerly. He wanted to hear what happen at her appointment, but he didn't know if he was ready to hear bad news and to hear his wife sobbing from the pain of having to tell him.
"El, she found a heartbeat. A strong, steady heartbeat. I'm really pregnant!" She cried, and Elliot went silent. He stared at his wedding band, as he slipped it off his finger so he could play with it. He was waiting for her to question his silence because while he was silent he could figure out how he felt about this all.
Did he want a baby? Very much so.
Was he hurt just as much as Olivia was when it came to the deaths of their babies? More than he could ever describe.
But was he really ready to tiptoe around Olivia's pregnancy so he doesn't get his hopes up? Not at all.
"Elliot, I have to go back to work. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll see you at home, alright?" Olivia spoke, and Elliot swallowed hard.
"Alright. I'll bring home dinner. What do you want?" Elliot asked, but he already knew her response. It was the same response that she had every other time she got pregnant.
"You know it already." She whispered because she also knew that he knew. She always wanted the healthiest meal possible. She always wanted to do everything in her power to make sure the baby was healthy, but it was never enough.
But she was hoping it would be enough this time.
///
Elliot came home with dinner, and they ate in silence. Olivia did the dishes before sneaking off into the nursery that they made when they got pregnant the first time. The baby had passed away shortly before their 20-week appointment, and Dr. Lee managed to tell that the baby was a boy. It broke their hearts to find out that their son wasn't going to be sleeping in the nursery they made just for him.
"I don't pray that often, but when I heard the baby's heartbeat, I started to pray. I want this baby. I don't want to give up even before I have to."
"Liv, please don't stop dreaming if this doesn't work out, alright?"
"What?" Olivia questioned, as she walked over and ran her hands over the crib.
"Don't give up on your dream. I know that you want to give me a baby, but either way, I'll be happy. Either we have a baby together, or we adopt. Either way, I just want you to keep that dream in your head."
"This baby is going to live. I'm willing to do everything possible to make sure you get the baby you want. That we want."
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