"What?" Elliot asked, as he turned his head to look at me, but didn't move enough to wake up Noah.
"Never mind." I sighed, before rolling over, so I wasn't facing Elliot anymore.
"You can't use that card right now!" He exclaimed, and Noah started to whine.
Elliot sighed and got up. He placed Noah in the bassinet we still kept next to our bed, before laying back down. He rolled me over, and stared at me.
"You're pregnant?" He asked, and I bit my lip.
"Maybe." I replied.
"How long have you known?" He asked, and I sighed.
"I don't really know, but its the same was with Mason. The same feeling."
"Maybe it's-" He started, but I interrupted him.
"It's not my period, El. I'm late." I breathed, and he sighed.
"We need to take you to your doctor's. I thought you couldn't get pregnant again. Something with what happened during your last pregnancy." He whispered, and I swallowed hard.
"I guess I disappointed you, Elliot. Sorry." I spoke, before getting out of bed and leaving the room. Elliot sighed loudly, and I covered my mouth with my hands to muffle a sob.
///
The next morning, I got Noah ready for the day, and Elliot came into the bedroom, after making calls for most of the morning.
"Alright, you have an appointment with your doctor this morning at the hospital."
"What?" I asked, and he sighed.
"We are going to see if you are pregnant. Then once we figure it out, we can take the next steps. See if abortio-" He started, but I shook my head.
"If I'm pregnant, I'm not going to abort our child, you bastard." I hissed, as I stood up with Noah. I left the room as Elliot let out that annoying sigh again. I laid Noah on his belly, and he rolled over and sat up, even before I walked out of the room.
I went back into the bedroom where Elliot was sitting on the bed, and I walked up and struck him across his cheek.
"What the hell, Liv?!" He spat, and I walked out of the room.
Now my hand hurts, and so does my heart.
///
We dropped Noah off at Lucy's before heading to the hospital.
We sat in the waiting room, and Elliot sat down, and had expected me to sit right next to him, but I sat several seats down, and crossed my legs, after pulling my phone out. I sat and scrolled through some random pictures of my little family. I did that until my name was called.
"Olivia Stabler?" A nurse spoke, and I stood and put my purse on, and headed over. Elliot followed, but I wanted him to go the hell away, but I wasn't going to make a scene.
"How are you feeling?" My nurse asked, and I sighed.
"Like crap." I replied, and she frowned.
"Step up here. I'll get your weight and height. Then we can get your doctor in."
I went through all the steps, before getting onto the examination table, before waiting.
Here comes the fun.
///
"You shouldn't be pregnant!" Elliot yelled at me, as we stood on the roof of the parking garage.
"Don't you think I know that?! I shouldn't be pregnant because the last time I was, I killed our son!" I yelled back, and he ran his hands through his hair and groaned.
"We should just abort it!" He yelled, and once again I slapped him.
He watched me as I stood back and felt hot tears run down my cheeks. He looked at me, and swallowed hard.
"I want to be pregnant. I want to carry our baby to term. I want to hold our child, and make Noah a big brother. I want to feel like an actual wife. I feel like a failure because I haven't been able to give you a child yet, but once I can again, you want me to just go and kill it. But guess what, fuck you. I'm not aborting our child. If you want to continue telling me what I can do with MY body, then go away. Leave me now, because you are never going to get your way."
///
I cried the whole way home. Elliot took a cab, and I drove our car back to our place. But was it really ours anymore?
I called Lucy and asked her to bring Noah home, and she told me she would once he waked up.
I sank down onto the couch, and sobbed, which is what I did until Lucy showed up.
"Liv, are you alright?" Lucy asked, as she walked Noah in. He wanted me, but I couldn't hold him. I didn't want to show my weakness to my son.
"Um, I'm okay. Thanks for watching him. Let me go and get some money." I whispered, before heading towards the bedroom. I grabbed my purse, and stopped as my hand found a piece of glossy paper at the very bottom of my purse. I picked it up and sat it to the side, as I got money for Lucy.
I walked back out and handed it to her.
"You don't owe me until next week. Why are you paying me early?" She mused, and I swallowed hard.
"I don't think he'll need to be watched for awhile. I'm going to stay home with him." I sniffled, and she looked at me.
"What happened? What did they tell you?" She asked, and I quickly wiped at my tears.
"I'm pregnant. But I shouldn't have gotten pregnant. It is going to be a high risked one, and Elliot doesn't want the baby." I whimpered, and she hugged me.
"I'm sorry." Was all she said, but I just needed that right now.
///
I got Noah down for the night, before heading back into my room. I picked up the paper I had discarded earlier, before going to shove it into my purse again, but then I looked at it.
It was Mason. Somehow one of sonogram pictures ended up in here, and I hadn't taken it out.
I know that I might end up doing this on my own, but my baby, is my baby. If my health is risked, so be it, but this baby was only going to leave my body when he or she is born, not because Elliot is scared.
Oh my god. He is scared.
Damn it.
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