Before You

Chapter 87

I'm beyond grateful that Eli came back, but where did he go? My mind races and I'm so tired of feeling out of control of my emotions. So the best thing for me to do is just keep quiet and not ask any questions. I may not like the answer I get. He could have been with Kenzie for all I know. That thought breaks my heart. She always seems to wedge her way between us. I pulled the blanket up higher and I feel
Eli kiss my head.
He softly says "I love you, baby."
I briefly close my eyes and don't respond. I hear him sigh. He's not pushing me to talk. It's so unlike him which doesn't make me feel good either.
I don't have my anti-nausea medicine and I feel a wave come on and quickly remove myself from Eli's embrace to empty the little contents from my stomach. Eli was behind me and I close and lock the door behind me. I need to get used to doing things by myself and not be so dependent.
I hear him let out a frustrated groan. It makes me feel bad, but I can't feel worse than I already do.
I feel like I've been puking my brains out for 20 minutes. When I finally feel like I'm okay enough I rinse out my mouth. I open the door and walk past Eli and go back to the bed.
"Are you okay, babe? I didn't grab your medicine. I forgot it."
I don't answer, but it's nice that he told me he forgot. He wipes his hand through his hair. Frustration is becoming evident. I think he's going to lose his patience with me.
Just when I'm about to get comfortable and face away from Eli, the door opens.
"Hi, I'm Iris your nurse. I have some exciting news! I have your discharge papers! Everything looks great, just take it easy for a few days and let yourself cope." I nod my head and take the clipboard and sign the papers. I feel Eli's eyes burning a hole through me. I hand the papers back to the nurse and she begins taking off the monitors.
I walk over to my dress from last night and go to put it on and Eli interjects and says "I brought you some clothes..." and hands me the bag. I go back into the bathroom and close the door behind me to change. I slowly open the door and see Eli sitting there with his head in his hands. I walk out of the bathroom and go over to my dress and fold it and place in neatly into my bag. Eli comes over and takes the bag from me and says "you ready?"
In response I walk toward the door to exit. He follows closely behind me. Once we're at the exit of the hospital he says "wait here. I'll pull the car up." I just look at my feet.
2 minutes later he pulls up and tries to open the door for me like he usually does and I beat him to it and open and close the door myself. He stands outside and takes a deep breath like he's trying to collect himself.
He gets in the car and doesn't say a word to me. We drive back to the apartment. I don't know if I can handle it. I start to feel really nauseas again. We're on a busy road and I try to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, but it's getting worse. Eli isn't even looking in my direction. I broke the silence with a breathy "pull over." He quickly glances at me. "Are you okay?" He looks concerned. I just say again "pull over." He finally pulls over and I start getting sick outside the car door. He comes up behind me and holds my hair and rubs my back.
Once I have it together, he turns me around to look at him. "Are you okay?"
I nod my head and get back in the car and close the door behind me.
We start driving again and make it to the apartment. He's walking a little bit ahead of me. Maybe the silent treatment is a little too much at this point.
I keep my distance in the elevator and his eyes are boring into me. Watching me so intently.
When the elevator chimes he exits first and I follow behind. He gets to our door and opens it and walks in leaving me behind. He's mad at me for the silent treatment. I slowly start walking in and everything from last night starts rushing back and I realize I can't do it. I can't come in. I can't do it. I grab the door handle for support and realize I am not able to set foot inside. I close the door and and go back outside for some air. I sit on the bench and sit there and play with my fingers.
I hear my name being frantically called and he looks over and sees me on the bench. Keeping his distance he says "God, Emma don't scare me like that!" He's mad. I don't know what to say. I just look at him.
"This whole silent treatment thing is bullshit, Emma. I don't understand it at all. I thought give you a couple of hours you'd talk to me, but you haven't said but 2 words to me!" At this point I stand up and look at him and say "leaving me without as much of a note is bullshit, Eli! You cheated on me yesterday and to come here to a physco ex boyfriend who wants to physically harm you gives me reason enough to feel like giving you the silent treatment. And you didn't even help me getting in the door! Do you not think that it would be hard for me to walk through where I was confronted by him? No! You thought only of yourself and not how I was feeling just how you were feeling about the silent treatment!" After saying that his face dropped. It's like he didn't realize everything I was dealing with. "Emma, I..." I put my hand up and cut him off "don't worry about it." I go back into our building without looking back and walk in our apartment by myself and avoid the urge to stop and breakdown. I went in our room and went to our closet to get comfier clothes to wear. I didn't realize I was crying again until I turned around and Eli was there and put his hands on my cheeks and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. "I am so sorry for everything, Emma. I love you so much." And he kisses me. I fight the urge to kiss him with all my might, but lose the battle. I break the kiss and hug him so tightly. I pull away and say "I can't stay here." He looks at me broken-hearted and says "Emma, yes you can. We can work through our problems."
I look at him and shake my head saying "no, you don't understand. I can't live here and I can't live without you. We need to find a new place." He let's out a breath of relief "we can do whatever you want, baby." I said "that's what I want." He says without hesitation "done." And kisses me more passionately this time as sealing a contract.