Can't hate you || e.d

Endless pain

"Be careful of what you say.." dad warned me also as calm as me with a shaking voice. I slowly shook my head. Mom didn't say a word because she knew how right I was. I didn't even know what she was thinking about it. I only wanted to say what I had to say and disappear.

"You.. did such worse things than I did.. and even tho you knew how much I loved him.. and even tho you knew how bad you fucked up.. you still didn't accept him.. you still don't accept him. You make it hard for me to love you right now. You make it hard for me to see you with the same eyes again right now.."

My voice cracked and tears rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to forgive them.. but did they deserve it?

I thought about all the times that dad just didn't want to understand me. I loved him and I knew what a special bond we had and how much I meant to him.. but I thought about all the times he was just so stubborn and cold when it came to Dean. I could understand him and his worry because of what he knew but I couldn't understand his reactions. All the time he was so mean and a leader instead of a dad..

I thought of all the times mom supported me.. when she got my back.. with the tattoos for example.. just how I could share every secret with her. I thought about all the times she was there for me.. she was my mom.. and I thought about how everything seemed so fake because she told me about her past and it sounded like a person I didn't know.. the girl she told me about was so different than her.. of course she changed. She grew up, gave birth to two babies, went through a lot and all this shit.. but it all seemed so fake to me because none of them said anything about this..

I was confused. I was hurt.. and angry.. I thought it all would be over and we finally found peace. I thought we were done with this but it started again and I didn't have the strength to go through it over and over again until they would finally trust him. I was so tired of it.. we weren't kids anymore.. we weren't dating for three days.. it was too serious.

Moon

I got out of the bathroom while I thought she would be sleeping but she was sitting on the edge of the bed with my shirt on. It looked so good on her.. her wet hair made her look very fragile..

I started panicking when I saw that she was shaking a little bit. She seemed almost traumatize.. her leg was shaking.. my stomach dropped and I felt like someone punched me.

Was she regretting it? Did I do something that hurt her? Did I make her feel uncomfortable? Did I go too far or do something that she didn't want? I almost went crazy with these thoughts.

The lights were off but it wasn't very dark yet.. I could still see her face.. she just looked at the ground so I slowly walked towards her and carefully sat down next to her..

"Babe.. are you okay?" I whispered and she turned her head around and looked at me like I scared her. "Yes.. yes I'm okay." she whispered back and her voice sounded honest but that was still not enough for me. I needed to be really sure.

"Are you.. Are you sure? Not regretting it?" I asked. I was really afraid and I actually thought of the worst but she smiled. "No. Moon, oh my god, no. I would never.." her soft voice and her smile made me feel better.. it made me softer.

"I.." she started but stopped and shook her head. She looked out of the window, as if she didn't know what to say. She kept her smile and she seemed so happy. Something changed about her. She seemed happier and her face was shining.. she was blushing.

"I.. I've never felt this... special. I've never felt this good, I-.." she stopped again and swallowed and I knew that this moment was special. Everything about this was special..