Can't hate you || e.d

Hurting

Ethan

She seemed so worried.. like she knew what was going to happen..

"Okay." she was smiling but I could see that she was nervous.. I interlocked her hand with mine and went out to the backyard with her not waisting a second because I knew I would change my mind if too much time would pass and if I would change my mind.. things would get worse and I would get crazy...

We sat down and she saw how worried I was so she cupped my face with her beautiful hands and I asked myself if I was going to feel this warmth ever again after what I was going to do... "Is everything okay, moon?"

I knew it would break her heart... I would break her heart.

Even the fact that she just called me moon in this situation made it so difficult for me..

"No.. it's not.." I said and this wasn't a lie.. she furrowed her eyebrows..

"What happened?" I could see how much she was caring..
"I...have to tell you something..."

She raised a brow while I felt like my whole stomach would make a world tour. How could I tell her what was going through my head?

"Something I've been hiding for too long.." I continued and she slowly backed off.. she seemed confused and even more worried. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"All the nights.. I came home so late.. all the time I left you alone in the middle of the day.. and now that present.." I slowly came to the point and my blood pressure was so high.. "It wasn't something I ordered for Josh.."

It seemed like she was scared of what I was going to say.. she was confused and a little pissed because I lied to her.. she could already assume what I was going to say but she didn't want to give it a possibility.. I could see that she was fighting with the thought of believing it or not..

"W- What are you trying to say..?" she asked with a shaking voice. I took a deep breath.

"I cheated.."

I said it so slowly.. so carefully like I was afraid she would freak out or get me wrong or I could break her and yes.. I was doing all of these things to her in that moment..

Her jaw dropped and she furrowed her eyebrows..

"Oh come on!" she bursted out in laughter and my stomach dropped again.. "You got me!" she almost screamed not being able to control herself.

She didn't want to believe me because she didn't give it a possibility. She knew our bond was so strong and that I loved her too much to do something like that...

"Now tell me what's really bothering you!" she said and looked into my eyes.

"What I said was..." a lie. "True.."

I needed to get myself back together.. I was confused too. I didn't know how I should keep this going..

She sighed. "This is a prank, right?"

I felt that she began to realize how serious this was.. I could see the panic in her face that she was trying to hide because she was aware of it..

"You didn't cheat.. you could never.."

I looked down and let her hand go. That was probably the most painful thing I've ever done because it felt so real even tho I didn't nothing that should make her hate me.. he didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve a man who couldn't protect her and who was going to make her feel worth less..

"I've been loving someone else these days.."

I could see the tears in her eyes after these words..
"This is a joke right? Tell me you're messing with me.."
I shook my head. Actually I was a pro at lying but when it came to lying to her... I lost all my skills.
"That can't be.. I don't believe you.. everything was alright just five minutes ago! What happened..?"