Can't hate you || e.d

Endless pain

Sun

I threw one of the vases towards the wall. It shattered in thousands of pieces and made a loud noise that reflected everything that I was feeling in that moment.

We went to the living room so we could talk. She told me that she was going to tell me everything so I could understand her and stop this all or at least listen to dad. So I could tolerate their behavior and stop rebelling against it...

I listened to her without saying one word. I listened to her in silence without moving an inch. Each of her words.. I could feel each of her words in every inch of my veins..

I never understood what kind of personal problems they had with Dean's dad. I always thought he was only dad's enemy and he hated him to the core but I never thought that it had something to do with mom or that they almost had a relationship or something disgusting like that..

Now it all made sense. Everything made sense.. why his dad did this all.. that he had some serious mental health issues was obvious but they were the reason. They had such a huge impact in it all.. and they always kept blaming us.

"Let me get this right.. you.. robbed grandmas bank.. successfully. Dean's dad found out.. you broke up with mom so he wouldn't hurt her.. mom went and walked around with him.. she did drugs with him.. he was in fucking love with her.. he was obsessed with her.. she is the reason why he made sure Dean and Blake would come to this world, so he could get closer to us?"

I've never been more angry.. I've never been more patient. My hands were shaking and I was so close to also throw the table at the wall or at them both..

They didn't look at me. Especially not mom.. she crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked away. I couldn't tell what they were feeling or thinking because I couldn't concentrate on them and I was too busy with my mind that I was about to lose.

I started laughing as loud as I've never done before.. as if it was the funniest thing ever. They got on my nerves and I totally lost it.

Everything made sense now.. or it didn't.. this thing was bigger than I thought..

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" I screamed, getting serious from one second to the other. I looked at them and started breathing faster. Dad looked at me with his clenched jaw and he did not have the fucking right to do that.

"That's why we always wanted you to stay away from him. Because we knew more than you." he said and I couldn't believe my own damn ears. I literally wanted to cut my ears off.

"THAT IS NOT YOUR DECISION TO MAKE BECAUSE I DECIDED TO STAY WITH HIM, EVEN AFTER I FOUND OUT ABOUT EVERYTHING SO WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM?!"

My voice was loud.. very loud and I knew that I was never going to forget this day. I was never going to forget this conversation, their words, their looks and everything else about it. The shattered pieces of the vase, the tears, the pain and the anger..

"You-.. you always made me feel guilty.. you always made me feel like I was crazy for staying with someone who kidnapped me.. someone who was a part of your enemy.. when you were the one who's guilty.."

My shaking voice was calmer this time.. it was quiet.. raw and hurt..

"You tried to cover your guilt and your past with giving me the blame. Even if that wasn't your purpose.. I always felt like it was my fault that they entered our lives... but it was yours.. it was all yours. This all happened because of you, yet you make me feel bad for liking him.. " I look straight into moms eyes when she finally decided to look at me and I could see the tears in her red eyes. I still didn't know what she was feeling and I didn't even care. I didn't even want to think of it because this time I was the one who was hurt and upset. She didn't have the right to make me feel guilty again for making her cry.