park chanyeol imagines | editing

"perfect"

a little sad

the second i walked into the apartment i was hit with a strong smell of cigarettes. knowing that neither me or chanyeol smoked, i was worried there was someone in the house who wasn't supposed to be there or it was one of our neighbours with their window open. i followed the smell as it got stronger and was beyond shocked to see chanyeol sitting in front of the window smoking. i rushed over and grabbed the cigarette from his hand before crushing it against the window frame.

"what the hell are you doing?" i said. "do you know how stupid that is? you're going to give yourself cancer."

"fine by me," he mumbled. i sat down beside him and that's when i noticed how upset he looked.

"what's wrong?" i asked.

"it's nothing," he said.

"bullshit. you're sitting here smoking and you don't do that. tell me."

he sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out another cigarette before i grabbed it out of his hand.

"don't you dare," i warned.

"why don't you just kill me yourself, then." he pushed himself off his chair and stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. shaky and worried, i picked my phone up from the kitchen table and dialed baekhyun's number.

"hey (y/n)," he said when he answered.
"i'm worried about chanyeol," was all i said.
"why? what's going on?"
"he's smoking and talking about killing himself."
"don't leave him alone, okay? i'm not saying he will kill himself but he's not thinking straight if he's smoking. just keep him calm."

i walked to the bedroom and sighed when i saw smoke coming out from under the door. i opened it and found him lying on the bed, eyes closed and a cigarette in his mouth.

"chanyeol," i whispered.

"i'm sorry," he said. "i overreacted." i sat down on the bed beside him and pulled the cigarette away from him and put it out.

"please stop smoking," i begged.

"i don't smoke, i'm just sad," he said. i frowned and reached out to stroke his head.

"why are you sad? you're amazing and perfect, don't be sad."

"that's the exact reason i am sad." he sat up and laid his head down on my shoulder. "you and all of the fans keep saying how perfect i am but i'm really not. i'm so not perfect and hearing it all the time puts all this pressure on me to try and make myself perfect. it's all getting too much."

"oh, honey, i'm so sorry," i whispered. i wrapped my arm around his shoulders and slid my hand back into his hair.

"i know you all love me but sometimes i don't want to hear how amazing everyone thinks i am."

"i won't say it, then, but just know that everything we say is because we love you and we can't live without you."

he looked up at me and i felt heart shatter at how sad he really looked.

"i love you so much, i hope you understand that. everything i am now is because i've had you in my life. there are so many things i wouldn't have been able to do without you in my life. you may not be perfect but you've made my life perfect. if you're ever sad, just talk to me and we will work it out, okay? don't do anything stupid like smoking. that's so dangerous, don't put yourself in danger."

he nodded in agreement and puckered his lips so i leaned down and kissed him.

"i'm sad, can we cuddle?" he asked.

i smiled gently and said, "of course we can."

he pushed me so i was lying on my back and snuggled against me.

"i love you," i whispered.

"i love you, too," he replied.

so i know this was a bit of a darker topic but it's important. i know we all agree that chanyeol is the most amazing, perfect person we've ever seen but we're putting a lot of pressure on him to be like that. i'm not saying that he's depressed or anything, i have no idea, but so many things are hard on him so we have to be understanding and think about how he might be feeling.

thank you for listening to me rant, let's just love and support chanyeol the best we can :)