Can't hate you || e.d

Reality

"Do you think he's serious and honest?" he asked scratching his chin, keeping his brow raised.

I thought of Blake. He told me a lot but not enough to make me trust him unconditionally.... but he seemed like he would be honest and serious. I've never seen him like that. Even the way was talking has changed.. he didn't sound ignorant, narcissistic, selfish, cold, crazy or mad or anything else like I remembered him.

He sounded like he would be bleeding on the inner and it would be hurting to explain things to me. Like he would really need me and try to be a better person..

I was dying to believe that. That was all I needed.. all I needed was to believe him and everything would be fine again.. I knew that. Being with him and trying to fix everything was way better than being depressed and alone as long as Sun wasn't around.

Since I couldn't marry her yet because she was too young and it was too early, she couldn't always be with me. It's not like I was dying without someone beside me.. but I just wanted to believe that things would get better instead of worse.

I just wanted to believe that he wasn't planning on doing something that would upset me or hurt me or the ones that I loved or anything similar to that.

I needed to try it. I needed to try to believe him.. even if I had to risk getting hurt at the end. I looked right into his eyes and nodded with furrowed eyebrows. Something in me told me that it was going to be okay..

I had a good feeling about this all. Although I was afraid of if and still confused, I still had a good feeling.. some kind of trust was growing inside of me..

I was going to listen to him. To all the details, to how he was feeling, what he's been through, what he's done all the time and what he wants to do now.

One side of me was chasing it with anger and one side of me wanted to leave it aside. That's why I needed help. I couldn't decide about it on my own.

It felt so weird to talk about all these things. I was afraid to disappoint him and Sun with my decisions. If I would say I trust him and he would do something that would let everybody down or hurt someone then it would be my fault but if I would say I don't trust him then I would miss the chance and never find out what was going to happen if I would've accepted him.

I was confused. Actually it was so simple but it seemed to much of a big deal at the same time because I wasn't sure what he was capable of.

What if he was planning something? What if dad had a master plan and made sure that Blake would use it if something would happen to him? What if he was only messing with me to win my trust? This was so fucked up.

I let my head fall back and groaned. I looked at the empty ceiling.

Sometimes I wished he would've never came back and sometimes I wished he would've never..

Ethan

It was really unfair for both sides. He couldn't just come back and destroy that kids reality. Dean was doing so good lately and now he was totally confused and fucked up again. He got pulled back into his past. Blake was like a dirty spot in his past.

Just when we all though we could keep going and start all over again together he crushed right into our life.

It was difficult to tell and decide what to do now because he was his brother and not just anybody. How could he not accept him? The things I heard about Blake and what he has done to Dean back then were unbelievable.

What he did to us and how he helped his dad was actually enough to not forgive him but at the end he was a human being with feelings too, who needed a family and could change. He was manipulated and brain washed.