Soraru x Mafumafu

With You - Chapter 6

"How cold," Kashitarou let out a chuckle, and took his seat beside Soraru.

The young man smiled sadly at the state of his close friend, and sat silently together with him as they admired the garden. He would look back and forth at Soraru and the garden occasionally until he couldn't bear the silence anymore.

"Soraru-san, are you okay?"

Soraru didn't know what he should say to that since he was not exactly sure how he was feeling at the moment. He'd say he was feeling pretty numbed by the emptiness inside of him. And worst of all, he knew what was causing him to feel like this but there was no solution to it until he got to meet him. At least that was what he thought was the cure to this numbness he was feeling.

"... I'm fine," Soraru said, deciding to keep that to himself.

"But you've been like this for nearly a month,"

Soraru finally looked at Kashitarou. The man had a concerned look on his face, and Soraru felt guilty about it.

"Has it been a month?" Soraru asked, not being able to believe that it had only been such a short period of time. The waiting made him feel as if it had been forever.

"Heavens, Soraru-san. What's wrong?" Kashitarou raked his hair to the back, and then ruffled it up with frustration. "You haven't been eating well, neither have you been sleeping at your cabinet. I asked a couple of guards about your whereabouts, and one of them said they saw you here,"

Soraru said nothing but looked away and down at his hands. His knuckles were turning pale, and he quickly loosened his grip on his own hands.

"96-chan and I are worried about you. We didn't tell the princess about your condition but I'm sure she wouldn't want to see you like this either,"

"Thank you, Kashitarou, but it's really nothing you should worry about-"

"You shouldn't be saying that at a time like this!" Kashitarou said, loudly, with a hint of anger behind his tone. He was now standing in front of Soraru, his face displayed frustration. How long had it been since Soraru saw Kashitarou raise his voice at someone? Almost never, he supposed, which took him by surprise. Kashitarou took a deep breath, and let it out slowly before he asked quietly, "How long has it been since you last slept?"

Soraru stayed silent for a while before he opened his mouth and said:

"... I can't tell,"

He couldn't believe he couldn't remember when was the last time he let his eyelids fall until someone asked him. He had been keeping himself occupied when he was in the castle so that he wouldn't think about Mafumafu. Otherwise he would be running around in the slums like a fool as he looked for him. When exactly was the last time Soraru properly rested?

"... Kashitarou, I can't tell..." Soraru repeated weakly.

Kashitarou let out a heavy, exasperated sigh, and sat back down beside Soraru. He leaned his body forward so that he could rest his elbows on his thighs.

"Would you tell me what's wrong?"

Soraru looked at Kashitarou, their eyes met but Kashitarou immediately broke eye contact with Soraru by looking down at his hands.

"I would, but I can't,"

"And why is that?"

"... It's not as simple as you think it is, Kashitarou,"

"I wouldn't know if you won't tell me,"

He understood that Kashitarou was worried, and if it were him, he would have done the same thing he was doing to him right this instant but it really wasn't something he could tell his closest friend. What should he tell him? I want to see this person who was given a task to kill my King? How was he supposed to say that?