how am i? (1)

No Tears Left to Cry

Yesterday's Part

For some reason the part for yesterday didn't publish. I deleted it. Nothing really happened yesterday so it's pretty pointless to post the chapter that is like 70 words a day late.

Song

Lily sang the song about me being a crazy depressed idiot in religion. I legit almost cried. I stopped myself because I knew if I cried everyone would know it was me and they already hate me and think I'm crazy so why make it worse. Lily I know you don't have wattpad but there is a boundary when it comes to these types of things. You don't just sing the song about me being crazy and wanting to kill myself and making myself throw up in front of the class. I get that it's your "last day" but still. You basically proclaimed to the entire class that I was a psycho. Macy hid behind me and now everyone probably thinks it was about Macy. It wasn't. Hi hello I am the crazy one.

Soccer

I give up. I'm so done with this soccer season. I've tried so hard to play my best and grow and get better, but my team doesn't try. We treat some of the worst players on the team like gods and it's not ok. They already have big enough egos we don't need to boost them even more. Nobody tried at all at the practice and I was the only one who cared at all. We play Heber Springs on Saturday. If we play like we practiced there is no way we are beating them. I'm determined to have a good game though. Also, this practice gave me even more motivation to tryout and play at mount. I'm so done playing rec league soccer. Nobody cares as much as I do. Nobody loves it as much as I do. I love every little detail about soccer. I love the way the cleats sound when I run or on the concrete. I love the way it feels to have a good game. I love the way the ball easily slides into the inside of my foot when I kick it. I love the aggressiveness that I can play with. I love playing against a slow girl and feeling like I can actually have an amazing game. I love everything about it, but nobody else is like that. Nobody else cares. I'm down crying over soccer. I love it to much. It wouldn't cause me so much pain if I played for mount, because then, the girls would feel the same. They would love it like I love it.

Style Change

So my style (clothing I'm talking about clothes by the way) has always been a certain way, but I never wore the clothes I really liked because I could never pull it off. I would just wear tee shirts and Nike shorts and if it was cold, the shorts would become leggings. Recently though, I've been losing a lot of weight and have become a little more comfortable with wearing something other than baggy tee shirts. My style hasn't been what I always thought it was though. I become a weird hippie chic kinda. Honestly, I kinda fit the part. The clothes are cute so I get them. Apparently hippie clothes are just really cute.

Math Camp?!?!?!?

So apparently mount has a math camp this summer, and my mom is genuinely gonna make me do it. Mom I'm not bad at math I have a bad teacher and I've still consistently kept A's except an 89!?!??!! She said if I get an A on the final she will consider not making me go. Is anyone else doing this because I need to know incase I don't get an A? EDIT: So turns out my mom was kidding and I can't even go because I didn't score low on the placement test sooooooo. I hate people.

Daily Overview

3/10

With a mix of almost crying in religion, an awful soccer practice, and crying when I got home from the aforementioned practice, today was pretty bad. It wasn't that bad, but when it got to religion everything went downhill quickly. I guess that makes it a 3?

Bye <3