fifty one

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June second. In just three days, I would be nineteen. It would be my birthday in two days. And I wouldn't be with my family to celebrate. Nor with Connor.

It was my own choice, I was fully aware of that, but upon hugging my dad- who was the one to drop me off at the airport- and Connor- who, god, I wished I could take with me- goodbye, I felt a small lump in my throat. It was one thing to fly alone and spend a couple days with Kayla, Kerri, Emma and Alex, but whole another thing to do that on my birthday without my family there.

My dad was smiling though, as he left to wait for the toilet, telling Connor to come get him when we were done saying goodbye. A small sigh of relief went through my body of getting to privately say bye to my boyfriend. No matter the fact I was only going away for a couple days.

"I don't want to leave you..." I mumbled, my head buried into his neck. His arms were around my waist, and I had mine around his. I pressed a small kiss in his neck, before moving on to his lips and lingering there for a moment. But I had to leave in less than five minutes, or else I was going to miss my flight. And I couldn't afford missing my flight.

"Hm, come on, you don't wanna miss your flight." He nudged me, and even though I let my hands slip from his waist, my lips disconnecting with his, leaving me already longing for more. I wanted to get back into his arms. My fingers were still intertwined with his, my other hand gripping onto my backpack. Our arms stretched out as far as possible while holding hand.

"No... but I don't want to miss you either..." I murmured, before quickly pressing my lips against his again. They were sweet, but we parted not even twenty seconds after.

He urged me to go after that, and given that I only had two minutes left or else I couldn't check in anymore, I did, looking back over my shoulder at waving at him. I didn't exactly want to leave him here. I wanted to spend my birthday lying in his arms. Maybe going out, maybe just staying in and keeping to ourselves all day. I just wanted to at least kiss him on my birthday.

But I was excited to spend the days with Kayla and Kerri. And Emma and Alex of course, but the first two mentioned I was going to be spending my whole stay with. Emma and Alex I would just see on my birthday and the days after that, for TRXYE purposes.

So when I finally boarded the plane and sat down in my seat, ready to fall asleep despite it being one in the midday,  I plugged in my headphones and blocked everything out. The flights and layover would take a total of thirty hours, and I was happy enough there was wifi on the plane. I didn't know if I'd be able to survive otherwise.

The flights were boring, and I spent most of it looking out of the window, just thinking. I could have spend the whole time writing shitty songs, but I honestly wasn't really in the mood. I was quite bored. My last flight had been from London back to Minnesota. With Connor.

That flight had been spent cuddling, exchanging small kisses, watching a movie together and me falling asleep on his shoulder somewhere halfway throughout the movie. That one had been sweet, comfortable and with a person I love. This one was lonely. That was the only word I could think of. I had a window seat, and next to me was a young couple- somewhere in their early twenties, I guessed- all cuddled up and laughing.

My heart ached for my pretty boy.

That sounded pathetic. I was just going away for about a week, surely I could do without him. I had seen him just a couple hours ago, to say goodbye. He had skipped school for it (the morning) and even though I had encouraged him to just go to school, he had insisted on coming with me to the airport. And I hadn't said another word about it then, actually relieved that I would say goodbye to him only there. It granted me a couple hours more with him. A couple hours more of just simply seeing him. Not necessarily kissing him. Not even necessarily touching him or holding him. Just a couple more hours of hearing and seeing him. A couple more hours in which we hadn't yet parted.

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