thirty one

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There was one aspect about this Saturday evening that made me even more anxious about my "date" with Dodie, and that was the fact Troye wasn't here to comfort me. I knew he wouldn't be able to make it, as he had some sort of extra long meeting with Alex and Emma, but it still made me sad. It was almost half past five now, which meant I had to pick Dodie up in about fifteen minutes. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay home, to hide in my bed, under my covers, with Troye there to hug me, to tell me it would be alright.

But instead of lying in my bed with the comfort of my angel, I was fixing my quiff with fingers trembling of anger as well as of sadness. I was on the verge of crying, and I'm sure it showed. When my phone went off, I immediately dropped my hands and accepted the call, not bothering to see who was ringing me.

"Connah! Hey!" The caller exclaimed, relief sounding through. His relief seeped into me in an instant, calming me down a bit. I closed my eyes for a second, breathing in deep.

"Thank god, Tro," I was able to bring out. I locked the bathroom door, and sat down on the toilet seat. A bit of relaxation found it's way to my body upon hearing his voice.

"Hey, when are you leaving? Any chance I can still see you before?" His voice was soft, and a small tear found it's way onto my cheek. I didn't even know why I was crying, why there was a lump in my throat. It didn't seem like something worth crying over, right?  It was just some stupid thing organised by my parents and that stupid girl.

"I-in ten minutes or so..." I watched as tears dropped down my face onto my knees, making little spots on my black jeans. I watched as I saw tears drop down the tiles of the bathroom floor. I was sure he could hear me, but I didn't care. For all I knew my parents heard me, maybe then they would reconsider this.

They probably wouldn't. They hadn't even apologised when I came home Monday night. All they had done was call me ungrateful for staying out until past eleven and getting home all tired and with puffy eyes. All they had done was scream at me, telling me over and over that I was lucky to go on a date with such a nice and pretty girl as Dodie.

"Oh, Con, pretty boy, don't cry please," Troye pleaded, only making more tears fall.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright. I'll be there as soon as your date with her is over. Just tell me where you're going and I'll head over there when you need me to, okay?" His was soothed me, calmed me down. I nodded, only to realise he couldn't see me.

"O-okay. Thank you Tro, I ha-have to go now... talk to you later?"

"Yes of course! I'll see you tonight, just make sure you look handsome, though you always do, Connie." I laughed at this, a smile creeping it's way onto my face without having to be forced. "And who knows, maybe you'll make a new friend out of this?"

I highly doubted his last words, but I smiled at his positive vibes. Even when things seemed hopeless, he saw something good in it. I admired that, his way of thinking. Hanging up the phone, I wiped the remaining tears from my face with the back of my hand. I hoped my eyes weren't too spotted with red, but when I looked in the mirror my hopes fell. It was clear that I'd been crying, and I was scared about what my parents would think of it.

Turned out, they weren't all too happy to happy to find me with puffy red eyes.  My mom scolded me immediately, telling me to not be such a baby and to man up. It wasn't manly to cry about having to go on a date with a beautiful girl, she yelled. I just shrugged. It wasn't like I cared about this date even a little bit. I already had someone I cared about.


Despite the fact I was precisely 0% interested in Dodie, I faked a smile when I rung the doorbell, hoping she wouldn't see they fragile layers beneath.

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