forty seven

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Warning: homophobic slur. Note: long chapter.


It was the next day, and I was really, really tired. I hadn't slept well, hadn't been able to fall asleep good. It probably sounded pathetic, but I had felt lonely last night. For a little over a week, I had been falling asleep with arms around me, a body against mine and body heat from someone else. For a little over a week, I had been falling asleep cuddling Connor.

And yesterday I had been alone. Alone and lacking a body lying against me, lacking extra warmth and cuddles and kisses.

And now I had to face the consequences of a bad sleep. Which mostly consisted of me rubbing my eyes a lot and drinking coffee to wake myself up.

And as Connor lived on the opposite side of town, I wasn't walking with him to school. Yesterday we had decided on, after talking with his parents for hours, just dropping the "huh no what do you mean, we're not a couple?" act. Just hold hands in school and kiss and be public. Of course, we weren't planning on going around snogging each other the whole time or anything like that, but just basic affection, yes.

So when Sage nudged me and hooked her arm through mine on the way to school, all cheery and excited, I couldn't help but both glare and chuckle at her.

"Oh come on, Troye. A bit more happiness on this Monday morning, please." She urged me, laughing at my groggy attitude.

"What? I haven't slept well okay. Couldn't sleep." She cocked her head towards the side. I just rolled my eyes at her. I knew she wanted me to go on, but truly, the pathetic fact that I hadn't been able to fall asleep because I had been alone wasn't really worthy of this conversation as really, it wasn't her business.

But as she opened her mouth to object, my phone rang. I unhooked my arm with hers, and without looking at the caller ID, I answered.


"Troye!" Sam exclaimed.

"Hey, Sam, wh-"

"Are you at school already?" He interrupted me. His tone was urgent, and I stood still, Sage waiting on me a couple steps away. I fiddled a bit with the strap of my backpack, stretching one leg and tensed my shoulders.

"No? Why?"

"Oh. Are you with Connor?"

"No?" I looked around with my eyes, suddenly anxious. Why was he asking if I was with Connor? I mean. I get why he would ask, but why did his voice pipe up in a way that suggested he needed me to be with him for a reason. And not for a positive one. "Why? D-did something happen?" The speed of my voice had taken of, and I started walking into the direction of school again.

Sam sounded anxious, and it rubbed off on me. "Kind of." I sped up my pace. Sage was behind me, calling my name, asking me to slow down or at least tell her what was happened. I didn't have the time to stand still. I needed to get to school ASAP. So I turned around, almost backing into a pole while still walking. I mouthed a sorry to my sister, who just shook her head. I had the vague feeling she wanted to flip me off in that moment. Who knows? Maybe she did after I turned around and ran to cross the street in time.

"Sam. What. Happened? I need you to tell me." The line had been awfully dead after his last words.


"Goddamnit Pottorff." He didn't answer, which was why I sped up my pace even more. By now, I was jogging. And as one knew, I wasn't good at physical activities.

"I- I found Connor. Just- Just get here as soon as you can." The line died. I didn't bother putting my phone back into my pocket, instead holding it in my hand and running a bit faster. The school was in sight already, and I didn't look while crossing the street- which almost got me run over.

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