twenty one

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The moment his lips touched mine I realised that this was what I had been starving for all along. That this was what I had been needing all along; what I'd been desiring. His lips tasted of a mixture between something sweet, something like honey, and mint. The taste of mint was empowering, and in the back of my head I made a note that this was probably one of the reasons he was chewing gum all the time.

The kiss was nothing like ones I'd had with girls before. His lips were rougher, but also softer at the same time. His hands were placed in my neck, but there was no pressure pulling me towards him. It was as if he was telling me that if I wanted to pull away, I could. It made me feel safe. My hand was on his waist, pulling him a bit closer. His frame was small, almost bird like. All I wanted was to hold him close to me. It was as if Troye kissing me was that last piece I needed. As if the puzzle that one would call my mind, my thoughts, was solved. The kiss with Troye felt right, whereas other kisses hadn't make me feel anything other than numbness. Numbness because it didn't feel good. Because it didn't make me feel anything. But this, this was entirely different. This kiss made me feel free, it made me feel every good thing you could feel; all at one time.

Way too soon for my liking, we broke apart. We were grasping for air; staring into each others eyes. I was fixated by the colour of his eyes. They were blue like the ocean. They were bluer than anything I'd ever seen before. Piercing blue eyes you only heard about in books, that's what they were. They were the kind of blue you could only dream about. The kind of blue you had no idea actually existed. I was mesmerised by them.

A shy smile formed on my face as soon as I saw him smiling at me, his hand still in my neck; mine still on his waist. Our noses were almost touching, still. I could feel him breathing. I felt truly content in this moment.

"So..." he whispered, his voice soft, "I guess I was wrong after all."

My heart sank into my chest at those words, and I was sure he could see the despair in my eyes as I looked at him in disbelief. Wrong? Wrong about what? Did he think I was a horrible kisser after this? Had he realised he didn't even like me? Had I had bad breath? Confusion dubbed in my eyes, and my thoughts- excitement just a couple seconds ago, were clouded dark now.

"Wh- what–" I was cut off by Troye when he placed a single finger on my lips. He was chuckling slightly, and he looked so pure and precious that if it weren't for his finger on my lips, I would've kissed him again.

"Ssh, pretty boy, I was saying that I'd been wrong after all, because I thought there'd be no chance you'd ever like me too." His eyes were sparkling, and he slowly rubbed his finger over my lips.

We laid there for a little while longer. On our backs once again, but in contrast to before the kiss- when we'd been laying side to side, he was now enveloped in my arms. His head on my chest, just slightly under my chin. My hands slowly rubbing circles on his stomach. It probably looked stupid; two boys lying on the cold hard ground in a small playground watching the stars, cuddling. Two boys gazing at the big, big universe, while holding on to each other tightly. I didn't care about what others might think.

"Hey Tro?" I asked the Australian boy, my voice slightly muffled by his hair and the pressure on my chest. Why I was whispering, I had no idea. It just didn't feel right to talk any louder than necessary.


"We should head back soon... It's getting quite late, and I promised my parents I'd be home by half past ten, and it's like, I don't know-" I picked my phone from my pocket to see what time it was, "two past ten now." I gulped when I saw the time. I had realised time had passed quickly, and a lot of it, but this day had truly flown by in what seemed like a second. I didn't yet want to leave. But we had school tomorrow morning, and I wasn't really keen on breaking promises with my mom.

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