eighteen

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C O N N O R

Here, lying with Troye in my arms, I felt happy. I had no idea how I ended up in this situation. And I don't mean anything bad when I say situation, it just confused me. How did I end up lying on a bed with an absolutely gorgeous boy in my arms, while a documentary was playing just in my view. I didn't really pay attention though, which was unusual for me. I loved documentaries. And this one was about coffee. Coffee. Needless to say, coffee was another thing I loved.

But my attention was focused on the boy in my arms. His head was laying on my chest, just beneath my chin. I had one arm around his waist, tracing circles and patterns on his stomach. It was something I did subconsciously, but Troye clearly didn't mind. If anything, he seemed really at ease. My other hand however, now left his stomach. I let it go through his hair. It was pretty, really. With no product in it, it consisted almost of curls, and was hanging slightly over his forehead. I played with the locks of hair, running my hand through it and stroking the boy- one might say.

I cherised this moment, even though I was confused somewhere. The fact that I had now fully embraced the fact that I, in fact, was gay wasn't something I worried about anymore. I worried more about this boy I was with. Well, not exactly worried, but I didn't know what I felt. I really, really liked the boy. And I knew it was probably growing into more than an innocent crush, but I tried to supress that feeling as much as I could. After all, I hadn't known him for that long, and he would never like some guy like me.

"Tro?" I murmered, my voice slightly muffled due to the fact that I was lying down with someone in my arms.

"Hmm, yes Con?" The slimmer boy sat up, so I did too, adjusting my position so that I was now sitting behind him, wrapping my hands around him again. I didn't dare rest my face on his shoulder though. I wanted to, but it seemed too couple-y to me, if you understand? So I didn't take that risk.

"I should get going.. I mean, I told my mom I'd be home by half past six for dinner, and it's like, 6:20 now. I'm late already," I laughed a bit. The younger boy clearly seemd bummed by this, and turned around with a frown on his face.

"Can't you just stay for dinner, though? I'm sure my parents won't mind, and Tyde's out with a friend anyway." His eyed went wide, like those of a puppy. It was an adorable sight, and if I didn't feel so scared about doing it, I would've pecked his lips in that moment. It sounded like a good idea too, and given the fact that the actual 'reason' I was over was that I was meant to be helping him out with chemistry and we hadn't yet done that, it sounded like the right thing to do too. I sighed, giving in.

"If you're sure they don't mind... then yes, I'd like to stay for dinner. We could maybe attempt to actually do something for chemistry after that too, you know." Troye got up from the bed and ran a hand through his hair. He murmured that maybe indeed we should, but he didn't actually seem to want to put effort in it. Even though he weekly missed a class due to his music, he didn't seem that eager to actually want to understand all course material before we had a test to learn for. It wasn't like I was a nerd, really, anything but that, but I still put my effort in actually understanding all course material and being up to date with whatever it was we were talking about.

-

To say dinner was awkward was the least. Troye's sister, Sage, seemed exceptionally curious about me and Troye. As in, how did our friendship start? Why was I over so much? And other things about me. Who I was, what I liked to do, what I wanted to do with my life, everything. It was a bit much, to be honest.

As we were eating, a silence seems to grow, and at one point i turned my head to look at Troye. Why, I didn't really know. But I knew I had the feeling this dinner was about to turn awkward, though I didn't know why. The past question fire from sage hadn't exactly been unbearable, but it was anything from what I liked to do. Usually, I didn't really mind people asking me questions, but the way she was asking them felt like I was standing in front of a battlefield, with an army of questions running into me as the opposing army.

Troye's mom, Laurelle, broke the silence with a small cough, looking over at me and Troye. Her eyes darted between the two of us, and I couldn't help but start panicking slightly? Had I done something wrong? Was there food on the edge of my mouth? Didn't she like me as a person? Maybe she didn't like me and Troye hanging out so much. Or had she noticed we weren't doing any chemistry, as we told her we would?

That was, until I saw her smile. "So, Troye, Connor, for how long've you been dating now?"

I almost choked on my next bite, and starting coughing. Troye was red as a beet, and I was sure I was too. He turned to me to pat my back though.

"Err, mom, sorry to ruin the fairytale, but Connor and me aren't dating." He was sporting cheeks red as roses and didn't dare meet anyone's eyes. I followed suit. To say this was awkward was an understatement. It became silent, and my mind started wandering off. We weren't dating, but oh man, what I'd give to actually date him.

It was the next day, and we were in Social Studies. After all that happened in this class for the past weeks, everyone had finally calmed down a bit. We were supposed to be working on an assignment about dreams. As in, career dreams and what we would like to achieve. We had to present them in front of class. A couple of us. But I couldn't think straight. I couldn't help but let my mind wander of to last nights dinner. Troye's mom had thought we were a couple. That we were dating. And I wondered why. We were just friends after all. Friends that enjoyed cuddling and preferred each other's presence over anyone else's. But, we were just friends. And I couldn't say it didn't bother me at all. Because I really, really liked him. A lot. And I really, really hoped he thought the same of me. But I didn't know for sure. There was no way of knowing.

"Okay," Mrs Lovell clapped in her hands, "I'll ask about four students to present what they've written down. Is there anyone who'd like to start?"

The whole room was silent. Nobody ever voluntarily wanted to present anything. Except this time, someone did. Troye, who was sitting next to me, raised his hand. In response, I raised my eyebrows at him. It wasn't like he had the best experiences this class. But apparently, he felt confident enough to talk about his dreams and what he wanted to pursue to walk to the front of the class. He didn't even bring any paper with him.

"Yes, Troye! Do tell, please!" Mrs Lovell seemed exited at the idea of a volunteer, and I couldn't help but agree with her. If only for a little bit. It was something new.

"Eh, well," he pushed his shoulder back and ran a hand through his hair, "I want to pursue a career in art. Singing, to be specific. I want to entertain people and bring my message across. I want people to feel safe, and I want to help them feel safe and accepted in today's world. But, for this little chat-presentation-thing, we had to be selfish and choose what we wanted to do. To achieve. And for me, that is music. I don't give a shit about you guys thinking this may be bullshit-" this earned him a stern look form mrs Lovell for swearing- "but that's simply because I love music. I want to build a career, and if I must admit so myself, I must say I'm well on my way. I want for everyone to be accepted. For everyone te be loved and have multiple places they feel at ease. I choose Love."

I was taken aback by his words. They were pure, and definitely true. I couldn't help but nod along. Unfortunately, not a lot of people thought the same. They were already laughing at the boy. Even though Troye had said he didn't care about opinions, he clearly shrunk into his shell. Not everyone was laughing, but a small majority was. He let his head fall forward, looking at his toes. And I couldn't help but want to hold him in my arms again. Because this wasn't okay. The boy just poured part of his heart out, and they were simply making fun of him. Because 'pursuing a music career is impossible'. I wanted to hit them in the face. When he walked back though, he locked his eyes with mine and I saw a small smile growing on his lips.

It made my day to see him smile.


Hi. Yes, this sucks. Yes, this is late. I KNOW. BUT I HAVE MY EXCUSES. I HAD A TESTSWEEK AND WATTPAD SOMEHOW DELETED MY WHOLE CHAPTER, SO I HAD TO REWRITE EVERYTHING. I'm ever so sorry, and hope you liked this chapter nonetheless. I also am changing my username back to Fyrgebraec (though with an extra c at the end bc Fyrgebraec is taken. Let me cry in peace), since I don't want to limit myself to just Troye/Fanfiction.

now, on for the fangirlingpart, OMG TROYES REMIXES ALBUM AND THE LONTALIUS REMIX. I LOVE IT. SO SO SO MUCH. AND CONNORS COMMON CULTURE x URBAN OUTFITTERS. I AM SO EXCITED YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I AM IN LOVE WITH TODAY. NOVEMBER 18TH 2016 IS AMAZING, YOU GUYS!

AND TYSM FOR 1.5K READS. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

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