twenty five

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C O N N O R

The guys didn't say anything for a solid five minutes after Troye had finished explaining what he was working on, how he got there and why he didn't want anyone to know. He seemed uncomfortable explaining all this, and it was paired with a lot of awkward laughs or coughs. I wanted to do nothing more than comfort him by grabbing his hand with mine or by running  my fingers through his hair. I didn't do all that, of course.

But what the guys did do, was simply gape at him. I could basically see him squirm under their prying and staring eyes, and that's why I couldn't help but pull him back on the sofa and wrap my arms around him. I would've pressed a small kiss in his neck if it weren't for the guys watching us. Because now that I had pulled him into a hug, they didn't just watch Troye, but they watched us. With confusion. I feel my cheeks redden in immediate response, but I didn't stop holding him. I didn't really care about what they boys might be thinking now, I just cared about the boy in my arms and for him to relax. 

"So..?" he asked after a couple minutes of silence. Everyone had sat down on their previous places again, but I still had my arms around Troye, pressing him against my side. He seemed a bit more at ease this way, tough I could still see his eyes darting through the room, anxious. I wanted to say I could fully understand him, but of course, I couldn't. I could only imagine, but I must admit I couldn't understand what it felt like to expose yourself like this. 

"Well, first of all, that's really fucking awesome and dude, you're like, famous, there's over a freaking million people subscribed to you," Kian started, "but, how long've you been doing this? The youtube channel, I mean." 

"Since I was like, twelve? I'd done a telethon performance and then I saw that a video of it had been uploaded to this site and it had spread, so I decided to make my own channel and upload a cover. It turned out to spread, and I saw comments in languages I didn't even know. And thus I made more videos, grew into the whole youtube world, and like, last year I wrote a song and made a music video that went with it, and it got me signed to a label, alas why I'm working on an EP." The boy told them, enthusiastically.

"And you've written all the songs already?" 

- "I have, and I've actually recorded some already."

"Can you sing something of it now?"

- "No."

"When will the EP come out?"

- "I literally have no idea."

"Do you have like... youtube friends?"

- "Well, duh. Of course I do!"

These were a couple of questions that they asked him, and we were now simply scrolling through his channel, which had resulted in Troye squirming and almost walking out at least fifteen times. I mean, he did have some thumbnails on there that could be considered quite awkward if you know that people you actually know were seeing them. We had actually watched some, including his first ever upload, at which I couldn't stop but think how cute he was, when we came across his coming out video. It perked the interest of the guys, even though I believe Troye had once told them he was gay, or at least showed his interest in guys. Their eyes flickered from me to Troye to my arms around him, and I legit saw Sam raise his eyebrows.

"Tro, how did it feel to come out to like, family?" I asked, suddenly nervous. Everyone in this room knew I had feelings for guys, not girls, but it hadn't yet really become something I really liked to talk about. Especially to family. I had yet to do that, and if I was being honest, I was scared.

- "Liberating, mostly, Con. It'll be alright," he answered me with a soft smile, sparkling eyes, and I felt him quickly squeezing my hand. We looked at each other for just a bit too long after that, and I could feel the heat rise up in my cheeks when I realised they guys were still here. I hoped they hadn't noticed how I'd almost kissed him.

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