The secret life

The secret life. chapter 66 The mysterious voice.

It was Saturday I was sitting on the roof thinking almost about to cry, but holding it back. The tenth Doctor and the 11th Doctor were both in my mind taking refuge as they thought as Ashley was going to pass out. My mind was flooding with thoughts going over the events of that day and the past. I was sad and frustrated and I felt empty as I had done many times before. Thinking about the old things again and a renewed thought I thought I had gotten over with.
I had just finished with a conversation where I got River mad at me.

Once I found out she got mad at me I felt like crying, I had a guilty feeling and an empty feeling. I didn't like my family or really anyone getting mad at me. Most of the time when people got mad at me or said I was being rude it really wasn't my fault I never meant to do it. I'm always nice to everyone and I try to respect them and love them. But yet sometimes they get mad at me and it hurts me. I never meant to get River mad at me. I didn't even understand why. But I never do with those things. She's my favorite step mom the only one that is a timelord and has watched over me my entire life on earth. I didn't want her to be mad at me. And this feeling tore me up.

I kept trying to apologize or explain why I didn't mean to get her mad but it didn't work and for a while I just was left with that empty feeling.
After a bit she forgave me. But I was still sad and empty instead of the empty feeling of her being mad at me it was filled with the old feelings and thoughts about how my life was going. I kept asking myself. How long until I would get to see the Doctor, to have a conversation that's not telpathic or an adventure that an not through texting, and being helpless to stop my enemys trapped in my everyday life in a place where I didn't belong. How long until my timelord life began when I was who i was truly was and was meant to be. So much time had passed since the start of this war. So much has happened so much I had learned. But yet I'm still stuck where I have been only texting the Doctor, and River and them.never getting to go on a fun adventure with them seeing thier face or actually hearing their words or being able to hug them. What's the point of knowing your a timelord and knowing the Doctor and having this extrodinary life if I never get to live it? Never get to see or feel the Doctors face. My true dad. I didn't know what to do. I just sat up on the roof thinking about these things and enjoying the stillness of the moment.

The sun glowed yellow making the sky pale and Beautiful. I looked far up into the sky replaying all that I'd been through with the Doctor and everything. It was wonderful, horrible, sad, beautiful and extrodinary. It was my life a year ago I never thought I could ever have. My timelord life. That I was still so far away from. When would I get to live that life? To be able to touch the Doctors face, to see him, to be able to be with him without being in the same body.
As I looked up at the sky and the pale sunset. I thought about how extrodinary my life was as the dream that I'm reaching for. I couldn't give up not now I couldn't stop reaching for it, not now. I had came so far. I was so close, I had learned and expirences so much.i had made such wonderful friends, Alayla , Dawn, diana, and more. So much. I would get there. No matter what it took I would reach for my timelord life my life with the Doctor being who i truly was. Being extrodinary. I was the Doctors daughter and I would not give up. I looked up at the sky one more time. "Someday.." I say smiling inspired.
After a while I finally went back inside feeling better. But cold. I needed that time with my dads. I needed that time alone to think, and let me feel better. And I got it. I felt a lot better. The sun had completely gone down and was needing something new so I decided I wanted to give back one of the Doctors to go back in Ashleys head so I could talk to them. I heard one of them repeat twice something "I have something I need to talk to you about" I heard a continuation of that saying "I have something important to talk to you about" so I decided I would let one of them back to be able to talk to me about it. I imagined they wanted to talk to me about me sitting on the roof ignoring me being shivering and cold. So I decided to give ten back to Ashley so he could tell me what it was he wanted to tell.
"Did you send him back?" Ashley asks.