𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐄 » avengers x reader

70. End Of The Line

I hit the bottom of the Helicarrier, landing on the ground, using my hand to soften the drop. I stood up slowly meeting eyes with the assassin himself. They were steel blue, but not the friendly kind. They had a dark tinge behind them like he was lost. Like he didn't know what he was doing.

Because he didn't.

He had HYDRA in his head, the same way they have, or had, me. The pieces were starting to come together for me:

Pierce in his office. The way he was able to make me confess to shit I didn't want to. Zola and the algorithm; the way his program was able to predict the future in a preemptive strike sort of fashion. Let's not forget Sitwell mentioning that he didn't do it alone. The two scientists? Had to be my parents, the same ones pictured on Zola's presentation.

If I was one of him, a Winter Soldier of some kind, why am I here, fighting with the Avengers, no enhanced strength or super speed while he's over there, metal arm, super soldier serum, not even remembering his own name.

I didn't know him as much as Steve did. Bucky and I only had a one-sided crush from my end—and I was 14 years old, so really we had no relationship.

Never in my life since then would I ever had imagined I'd be standing face to face with Sergeant Barnes from the Smithsonian. And never in my life did I ever imagine that he'd end up being HYDRA's secret weapon...

A serial killer. That I was about to kill... or so I thought. We had more similarities than I initially thought when he first shot me in the arm. It's been a long 36 hours since then, and I've learnt more about myself in that time than I had in my 26 years of life.

For the longest time I tried to be brave, courageous. Cold and stoic in some cases, trying to hide my emotions because at the end of the day that's what black women are forced to do. If we cry we're weak, if we straighten up we're heartless, if we speak out we're aggressive.

Being an Avenger, a hero, taught me that I can't always try to please everyone. I learnt to be brave when bravery was needed. I've shed a tear when overwhelmed by emotion. I yelled if I felt suppressed by frustrations. I've proved that I have a heart. But that's were the conflict began to start.

My head has taken the driver's seat in a number of situations ever since I could remember. My head told me to walk away from my parents. My head told me to leave Tony and Lewis and focus on myself.

On the other hand, I have began listening to my heart a lot more. Letting Lewis stay with me despite our differences, joining the Avengers, consoling Natasha and opening up to Steve.

Some situations were easy. I knew when my head was needed and I knew when it was time to let my heart take over. In this case, standing toe to toe with the Winter Soldier, I was truly conflicted.

My head was screaming at me to kill this man. He's a serial killer, he works for HYDRA. Yes, you may have been in the same situation as him at one point in your life but you weren't murdering people. You have no bodies to your name. For the safety of all others, in order to get avenge Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D.'s legacy, he needed to be eliminated.

My heart was on the complete other side of the spectrum. You'd be nothing but a hypocrite if you take him out. Remember he's human too. He has a name; Bucky Barnes. Steve's friend. Steve's life. You know Steve would go the ends of the Earth to save this man from doom and he'd only appreciate it if you did the same thing.

The internal conflict was painful. The demanding gratification and greed fighting with the morality principle. Which would win? Reality wasn't clear enough for me to make a rational decision.

My mind raced a million miles a second trying to coordinate my next moves. Time was running out as I got lost in my thoughts and the eyes of the Winter Soldier.