number 12. (l.s.)

Chapter 62.

S I X T Y  T W O 
-"less scary together, right?"-

Harry felt so stupid for not realizing sooner. But when Louis was so persistent in his view on Romeo and Juliet, about living on after someone dies, he started thinking. It just all came together. Louis didn't want him to like him, because he had to go eventually. He always thought it had to do with moving places to other families, but only then he realized it also came down to being gone forever. And that scared him, because he didn't feel like he could live a normal life without him anymore.

Louis made his life adventurous, beloved and worthy. Harry even felt like he was a better version of himself around Louis. He always was the captain of the school, and he felt like he needed to be a certain person he told himself he was for years. Around Louis he could be impulsive, open and reckless. He made him feel so comfortable which made him wear dresses and skirts with him.

Louis made him feel so accepted and comfortable. But laying in his arms then, it was the first time he actually felt scared around him. He always told himself and him: we'll be alright. But would they actually?

Harry breathed out in the dark air, turning around in the bed, only to be surprised that Louis' eyes were open as well. Louis' arm then laid over Harry's waist, just staring at him like the other way around.

"Hey—" Louis whispered, squeezing his side gently, "stop worrying okay?" He could just tell he was worrying because of his body language and the frown between his eyebrows. He could barely see, but they hadn't closed the curtains fully and moonlight shone on them.

"How can I stop worrying when I don't know when it will be the last time I see you," he breathed, then swallowed, flicking his eyes up to Louis'.

"Practically, you'll still see me when I'm dead, I just won't talk back," he grinned slightly in playfulness, but Harry just gazed at him with his eyebrows lowered. Then he turned around in the bed without saying anything back. He felt upset, and usually he quite liked it when Louis joked about things, but this just wasn't anything to joke about.

"Hey—" Louis quickly said, his smile falling as he laid his hand on Harry's shoulder, facing the back of his head. "I was just joking."

Harry just gazed in front of him, facing the white wall. "It's not funny Louis, at least, not to me."

Louis quickly nodded, taking his hand slowly back, as he could feel the coldness of Harry's warm skin. He was upset, he could sense it. So he sighed, shaking his head a little, even though Harry couldn't see him. "I know, I'm sorry. It's not a joke for me either, it's just the way I deal with things I guess."

Harry didn't react to that, he just started thinking. He felt such a feeling of helplessness through his blood, realizing one of the best things in his life could just slip out his fingers. He realized that no matter how much history and moments they shared, there was never going to be a future. And that was what hurt him the most.

He even wondered if he would ever look at Louis in the same way, now that he knew every second could be his last. Deep down he knew it wouldn't be a matter of seconds, or days, but he just wanted to share his entire life with him. Even though they had known each other for only 9 months then, Louis felt like a person to him he couldn't miss in his life. He always was full of joy, positivity and he basically was the one person he felt most comfortable with.

"So you just deal with it by only joking about it?" Harry murmured, thinking that he wouldn't feel comfortable with it himself. Louis breathed silently out through his nose, then pressed the back of his head into the pillow to look up at the ceiling.