Control ~Levi x Reader~ {Modern AU}

57

Levi POV

She actually asked about Petra. 

I wonder if it is actually a thought of her own in her head or if Hange had some influence in this. 

I wasn't mad that she asked about it. 

More just surprised that she did. 

But it did bother me just a bit. 

I mean she didn't know her name, she just asked if there was someone who I would have wanted around if I had the chance to do so. 

I faced away from her that night just because I was caught in thought. 

I love Petra and I always will. 

She was the one I could open up to, she understood me and kept me in check majority of the time if I had began to get a little too mean or rude. She brought out the best in me and it was great. 

I still haven't gotten over the fact that both my mom and my uncle caused her to run away. 

I was doing everything in my power to ultimately make us last together. 

As dumb as it sounds, when Y/N turned 18 and my mom told me about it, me and Petra were already 20, we just had a little more time in college, and we were contemplating on getting pregnant to avoid the marriage. 

But we decided against it because we were young and we would want to do things later without having to think about kids. 

That was as far as that conversation had went. 

We were dumb but it was so we could stay together. 

It was something. 

Then when it came to Y/N... I mean it's forced. 

We have good moments, but that only means that we are acting like decent human beings. 

She does evoke something in me though. 

It's a nice feeling. 

She's also fun to mess with when we are on good terms. 

I just don't feel love towards her, and truthfully, I don't know if I will end up feeling that for her. 

I care for her yes, but that is because she is evidently a part of my life that I can't just get rid of. 

She doesn't worry about herself enough for me to just not worry about her. 

She does make me happy at times, but at other times I can't stand to be around her. 

And I had never felt that with Petra so that's how I know I don't feel any love for her. 

But there is something small there for her, but it comes and goes. 

The night of the club... it was the atmosphere we were in that made me get that way. 

That is sort of why I decided against telling Y/N about it. 

I don't believe I am lying to myself, this is how I am feeling in the moment. 

She just bothers the hell out of me at times. 

When she isn't though, we can have a great time with another. 

Like when I tackled her and ended up tickling her, or when she was singing awfully in the car, it's times like those that we are genuinely enjoying. 

There have been things that I've done with Y/N that I didn't get a chance to do with Petra. 

Like own a puppy. 

That stinker is going to end up shedding so much, but he is pretty damn adorable. 

Pepino is cool, but I would have gone with naming him Pickles. 

Y/N was really excited and was playing with him a lot yesterday and she seems like she'll be a great dog mom. 

She'll be the easy going one and I'll most likely be the one having to yell at him a lot. 

Another thing I have done with Y/N that I haven't done with Petra is actually go to a club. 

Petra and I were no longer together when the both of us turned 21. 

I had only been with Hange and Erwin before which was nice, I would just have to babysit them quite a bit. 

Petra and I also never lived with one another. 

So this is a new thing as well. 

Honestly, we are sort of going through this day by day. 

It isn't ideal that Y/N and I argue constantly, but we also don't really know one another all that well to really be functioning with one another. 

Yeah we've spent some nights talking to one another and getting to know one another essentially, but that doesn't mean we are the best of friends now. 

There is still some stuff we need to work on. 

She voiced her concern and I am glad she did. 

But do I think she is actually going to stop seeing Jean? 

Absolutely not. 

She'll go out of her way to go and see him. 

And now that we have Pepino, she'll have that excuse to go to the park and possibly see Jean again. 

I'm sure regardless she would have loved to show Tanya. 

But that isn't the case anymore. 

Tanya and Jean have some link together. 

And of course she's a child so I can't blame her, but it is just a little unsettling. 

There is just a lot of things. 

I don't want her seeing Jean because I can't see Petra. 

Even if I wanted to she's with another dude. 

It sucks. 

But I ultimately have to move on from that and end up focusing my time and energy on Y/N. Like she said she's going to depend on me emotionally so I should probably do the same. 

It's been tough but I think I am getting the hang of it just a bit. 

At least letting Y/N depend on me. 

There is still a lot of work to be done between Y/N and I. 

I know she is going to be a little awkward after what happened right before we fell asleep. 

Especially since I didn't answer. 

She's going to feel like she did something wrong when that isn't the case as all. 

I sort of just freaked out a little and couldn't find the right words to speak. 

I kind of don't want to tell her about Petra but I know in the end I am going to have to do so. 

I just hope it isn't anytime soon. 

Because I don't want to tell her soon. 

We already got a lot on our plate. 

From learning more about one another, to being content with one another, to taking care of Pepino, to her secretly going to see Jean. 

At this point, if it happens, I guess. 

But she better not have any thoughts about running away with him again. 

I already gave up too much for her to decide that now is finally the right time to chicken out and run away. 

I guess we just have to see what ultimately pans out then.