〖 2 MONTHS LATER 〗
♣ ♢ ♛ ♢ ♠
||The Heart Wants What it Wants||
This is a modern fairy tale
No happy endings
No wind in our sails
But I can't imagine a life without breathless moments
_______________________
♣ ♢ ♛ ♢ ♠
📍 𝙱𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐-𝚐𝚞𝚗, (gun = county)
𝚂𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎, 𝚂𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝙺𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚊
[Y/n's POV]
My lips curls into a small smile, feeling my heart warming up to see how genuinely happy Jimin is to be here with me in my hometown, Boseong.
We're at Yulpo Beach where I used to spend all my time. We had come to my hometown a week after I had recovered from that horrifying moment in my life. Jimin had decided to fly both of us to Boseong because he wanted me to rest here instead and to also finally spend more time with my mother, Kim Hina.
Jimin and I have been here for two months now, staying at the new house that Jimin had transferred my mother in, ever since that time Hyori threaten to hurt her. I wish the boys had come too, but they needed to stay back in Seoul.
"Baby, come here," Jimin stretches his arm out to me. I reach for his hand and he leans down to place a quick kiss on the back of my hand then looks at me with a beaming smile.
He pulls me closer to him and wraps my arms around his neck then places his hands down to my waist. "I love you so much, baby."
"I love you too," I say with no hesitation, giving him a cheerful smile.
He takes a moment to examine my eyes and suddenly asks, "Are you happy, y/n?"
"Of course I am," I answer him. "With you by my side, I'll always be happy."
He gives me a wistful smile, but I could tell there was something bothering him internally. He suddenly becomes silent for some reason as if he was thinking of something. Then he gets behind me, wrapping his arms around me as we both face the calm, peaceful ocean that stretches out to infinity.
It becomes quiet between us as we both keep our eyes ahead at the gleaming turquoise waters with him behind me holding me close. I shut my eyes to breath in this moment with him and to feel the essence of the breath-taking nature surrounding us. I hear the waves crashing therapeutically onto the beach as a gentle breezes rushes through my hair and brushes my skin, giving me a sense of peace.
"I honestly love it here," he suddenly says, breaking the silence between us. "I wish I grew up here in the country-side of Korea. The way of life here is so much better and way different from the city. More peaceful. Away from the internet and the busy lifestyle. You're surrounded by nature and kind people..."
"Whereas in the major cities we're all basically living in the fast lane, working our brains off in school and work, caring all about materialistic things. But here, you get to have a pause on that lifestyle and finally take a moment to breath..." he pauses for a second. "My life has always been on the go and I never really had time to really enjoy life until now."
His head nestles onto my shoulder, wrapping me in his arms firmly as he stares ahead in admiration of the serene nature in-front of us.
"Honestly, let's just live here," he suddenly says out of no where. "Let's leave Seoul, and live here in Boseong."
I get a sudden shock mix with a little excitement. "Are you serious?"
"No," he chuckles. "I would love too, but you know I can't. Plus, I wouldn't want to have my enemies come ruin this place and torment the people living here..."
His voice trails off as I get a sudden memory of the past.
Jungkook said the same thing too...
Jungkook had also wanted to live here when we came to stay here years ago. But all the plans and promises we had made are no longer valid. All that is left between us is pain while the happy memories are becoming distant. Our story isn't like the movies and books that I had always hoped in having. It's like modern fairy tale. There's no happily ever after.
Our love feels more like a forbidden love. All odds were against us, and we were unable to survive the attacks on our relationship. We were like star-crossed lovers, like Romeo and Juliet. Our love was doom to fail—and it did.
It was like a never ending cycle of pain with him. The only way to end this cycle...is to remove Jungkook out of my life completely.
It was dangerous to stay in the mind set I was in. These past four years, I look back to my younger self and realized how naive I was on how I viewed a real relationship. I remember just saying that those little arguments or fights that it was normal to have. I thought that was what love was suppose to be. But as I grow older, even though we had our great moments, I realize that it was such a dysfunctional relationship. Very toxic and so painful. It's only right to let that go for me to fully heal and move on and not make those same foolish mistakes.
I've given up on taking revenge on him. I let the rage I had for him long ago but it had resurfaced once he tortured Jimin. But now I just can't take it any longer. It isn't worth it. I just want peace now and that's with Jimin.
But I also hope Jungkook finds his peace—now that I'm out of the picture. He's better off without me.
"...but maybe one day we will live here with our future kids," Jimin says as I finally come back to reality.
Future kids?
Before I can speak, he comes to my side, turning my body to face him and lifts my chin up.
"Y/n, promise me you will never leave me?" His eyes holds great desperation as he looks down at me for my response. For a split second, I see Jungkook's brown loving eyes. He had asked the same exact thing to me.
I take a moment, feeling a sudden striking tug in my heart.
"Promise."
I'm not too sure about what the future holds but I know that the man in-front of me with the growing smile on his face—is all that matters to me now.
‹‹‹‹ ♦ ››››
|| Nothing Like Us - (JK cover) ||
Lately I've been thinking
thinking about what we had
I know it was hard
it was all that we knew...
I wish that I could give you what you deserve
'Cause nothing can ever,
ever replace you
Nothing can make me feel like you do
_______________________
♣ ♢ ♛ ♢ ♠
📍 𝚃𝚘𝚔𝚢𝚘, 𝙹𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚗
[Jungkook's POV]
I wonder what y/n is doing right now? Is she thinking of me too?
I'm glancing out onto the view below me at the building where I've been getting therapy these past two months. After talking with my therapist, I couldn't help but stare out into the evening sky, darkening like an eternal stain.
All the lit up buildings around me is unfamiliar but the sky always remains the same wherever I go.
After the hours I've spent at Hangang Park recollecting my thoughts and emotions that night I had that encounter with Jimin, two months ago. It had really made me realize a lot of the shit I had done.
I had made my decision to change myself that night. I know I wasn't no angel even before all this but I still didn't like who I had become. It had affected everyone I cared about and most of all, the one person I love most in this world.
When I got home that early morning from Hangang Park, my hyungs had sat me down and had a talked with me. I felt awkward at first since we never really talk about our own mental health or anything associated with it. But that was how I knew how serious and genuinely concerned they were for me.
They all had pointed out my wrongs and how I've been treating them and y/n. But of course, they mentioned my drug use and went on basically telling me how I had changed completely. They expressed how they can't even recognize me anymore.
At that moment, I didn't even know what to say to them. I wasn't use to us expressing our emotions like that. But I managed to let my pride go and accepted their words.
They were all right. I know I did change.
They wanted the old Jungkook back. They wanted their brother back.
They all felt like I needed to go to a rehabilitation centre to help me with my drug use. I didn't even think long and hard about it. I had agreed with them.
I had actually tried to get myself in a treatment centre before but failed. It was the time when y/n and I were at Hangang Park. I had apologized to her about everything and acknowledged all my lies and wrongs and she even confronted me about Aera and I kissing which I didn't remember then.
Everything changed for me that night with her. I wanted to changed myself so bad. The next day I had left early and left her a note that I had a business meeting in Daegu, and left her flowers on the bedside because I felt guilty that I had to lie. I didn't have the courage to let her know about my drug use, and I thought I was able to handle everything myself without anyone knowing that I was going to a rehabilitation centre.
Not even the boys knew about it. I went to a private addiction centre and I remember feeling so ashamed and embarrassed. But I know I needed the help. I couldn't depend on that white powder anymore or alcohol to cope with my emotions.
I had stayed there for the whole day, then left for a meeting late that night. But when the facility told me I had to stay the night and for at least five more days, I lost it. There was no way I was spending the night there. But they were so persistent. I told them I'd only be coming during the day and I definitely wouldn't be spending the night in that damn place.
Although it was hard for me on the first day, I did however intend of coming back the second day. But that second day I was too eager to look for wedding rings for her, which I ended up doing. I went to Gangnam district and requested a custom-made emerald cut diamond ring.
But it was also the day I found Jimin and y/n together. That day was one of my worst days. I know I shouldn't have reacted like that and I should have instead confronted them. But I only left because I know I'll just end up impulsively killing Jimin publicly with the controllable anger I had. It's also because I couldn't handle the intense emotion of jealousy and rage for finding out the truth.
I had told myself I would get back to the my treatments the next day, but never did. Even though I know that's not how treatment centres work. But I guess I wasn't taking it seriously then nor did I really want to change.
All the things that happened after that, made me forget to ever come back to the treatment facility. But now, I am really serious about this. I know that the only way I can prove my love to her is to get better.
I had ended up booking a flight to Japan the next day after the talked with my hyungs. I wanted to start my recovery here in Tokyo, instead of home. I just felt like I needed to get away from everything.
These past months I had been getting treatment for my drug use. I have been clean and sober since that night I left Jimin's house.
It wasn't easy in the beginning but I'm glad I made that choice to get help. Because now I can think clearly and I don't ever have to depend on that substance to feed my soul.
I have also been getting therapy from my past trauma, which I just finished another session moments ago with my therapist.
Although part of me at first felt shameful and embarrassed to go to therapy, considering I'm a mafia boss. Being a man in society is already difficult to express any emotions and struggles without being called weak. There's already a stigma placed on men's mental health, making it hard for us to open up. Adding being a mafia boss, I was basically a dead soul. No emotions and feelings.
But I had to tell myself that it's not just for y/n but for myself. I felt like there's a lot of rage instilled in me as a kid, that I needed to let go. And I thought therapy would help me with that, which it has. It has been a great help these past months.
I'm used to fighting the bad guys in life. But I don't think I've ever face the demons inside me. Only now I've come to realize that if you can't fight your inner demons, than you can't fight the demons in the physical world.
I've learned so much about myself that I didn't even know. But I also learned that we adult men—or anyone of that matter—can't push away old unresolved wounds, because it will eventually resurface in other areas of our lives. I was having an internal battle with myself all my life and ended up fighting those demons through y/n.
I've actually been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from the death of my mother. I wasn't even surprised, considering my nightmares and all my reck-less behaviours. Adding drugs to the mix just caused me to self-destruct and lose my own self.
I never got over my mother's death and I only now realized how it left a negative impact in my life. I was only twelve years old when I walked in to her life-less body with the gun in her hands that she used to kill herself. That day was the day I've lost touched of reality. I didn't believe in anything good anymore. Only darkness.
I guess that's why I tried to keep y/n close to me. I couldn't let her go. The only time I saw good in this world was her. She was the light in this tunnel of darkness.
I realized those unexpressed hurt and anger that I've kept, had made me become the awful man that I was and I know it definitely transferred onto my relationship with Y/n.
Ever since my mother's death, I hid those feelings in because appa didn't allow me to grieve properly. He toughen me up and I've learned to suppressed my emotions. But that only bottled my emotions up, leading to explosive episodes and break downs.
I had blamed myself for the death of my mother. I didn't want to feel pain so I kept drinking because that's the only way I know how to cope.
I ended blaming everything on Jimin's mother. Then expressed it onto the only true friend I've ever had besides my boys. I place the blame on those two, only because I just couldn't accept the fact that my mother would kill herself and leave me behind. It had always got me thinking that she didn't care about me to stay and at times I blamed myself.
I only know now that, that wasn't the proper way of dealing with my past trauma and all the pain I've had kept inside. It ended up just hurting me and draining the life out of me.
But that's why I'm here now in this building, getting the help I need while Taehyung is dealing with everything back home.
But I can't help miss y/n so much.
Wherever she is right now, I hope she's safe and happy. Because for the first time in many years, I think I'm finding my own happiness without being dependent on her.
I've learned that you can't depend your happiness on anyone. Not even your significant other. The love for yourself is much more important because once your significant other hurts you or decides to walk away from you, you'll just end up devastated.
It results to self hatred and even blaming yourself. Then questioning your own self-worth. But I guess this is exactly how y/n must have felt. So I can't blame her for what she had done and the harsh words she said to me. It's definitely painful to be hurt from someone you care about.
If you don't have self love, you're gonna spend the rest of your life finding it somewhere else. I got into the wrong habits to try to fulfill the voids in my life and it ended up wrecking me, making me feel more empty.
But I can feel myself slowing getting filled up with the amount of work I'm putting on myself.
I look back, only realizing now that I had became co-dependent in her in terms of my happiness. But that's not how it should have been. I became too invested in her in an unhealthy way that we constantly fought. Only now realizing how insecure I was because once she did anything that triggered my insecurity, I would always lose my shit and it became like a battlefield between us.
The only real relationship I had was with y/n and I could now say that love is definitely not like the movies. They make it seem like it's some fairy-tale when it's completely far from it.
A relationship is even harder to have when you're a mafia boss. I always have to be lowkey to keep my enemies away and even the media out of my love life. But I paid good money to never have any bad shit said about my relationship in the papers and online.
My life is already a fucking mess. I don't need the entire country peering into my relationship. But my relationship with y/n felt like I'm like those male idols trying to hide their relationship from the press so that they don't lose their image or having their loyal fan base go outrage. Which is exactly what happened with me in a way. I always had to keep my relationship on the low. Now that I think about, I might as well should have just been in an Idol group. Less stress. No guns. No killings. No pain.
***
It's 12 am as I step out onto my penthouse deck to catch the view of the night sky. The Tokyo streets below me is bustling like it always is with hordes of locals and tourists scrambling around this late in the night.
It's finally September 1st, 2021. I'm twenty-four years old now.
It's also the twelve year anniversary of my mother's death. I never celebrated my birthday since. But ever since y/n came into my life, she had made me see it differently. But those years y/n left me, I went back to never celebrating. But this year is different. I want to take this moment to appreciate how far I've come.
Damn, time is really flying by fast.
I was twenty years old when I first met y/n. A lot of shit has happened then and it's sad that we're in this position. I had pictured us having one or two kids by now. But I guess life will always have it's twist and turns.
Y/n will soon turn twenty three and hopefully I can make it back in Seoul by then.
I stare down at the view filled with neon signs and the vast sea of lights, trying to take in the essence of this lively city.
Suddenly the therapy session I had earlier on in the evening with my therapist exerts into my mind.
"Do you think someone who you've hurt many times will ever forgive you?" I asks in Japanese towards my therapist before I could get up to leave this session.
"Hmm..." she softly says, examining my eyes. "That's a good question. But the answer is dependent on the person. If the actions you've done against them had a negative toll on them, most likely they won't. But as I mentioned, it's dependent on the person. Sometimes they heal from the hurt that has been inflicted on them and may end up forgiving but that's only because they feel like it's the only way to set their heart free...to move on."
I fall silent, feeling a crushing sensation in my heart. I didn't want to hear that.
"Why, is she the reason you're here right now?"
I didn't answer. I turn my head away towards the window revealing the evening sky, as I try to mend my broken heart from what she said.
"But I have to applaud you for the amazing job you've been doing these past months of not only getting therapy but going to rehab for your addiction," she gives me a comforting smile. "The fact that you can realize your mistakes by getting help and taking accountability for your actions, that itself shows your love for her."
I turn back to look at her, as she looks at me with such warmth and comfort.
"But what I can tell you, Jungkook, is that sometimes people fall apart to realize how much they actually needed to fall back together."
The memory fades and my vision focuses back on the buzzing and vibrant city below me. I inhale deeply, feeling the gentle wind rustling through my hair and brushing on my face with its coolness. Over the city is the dark sky, looking like a bottom-less lake.
I never felt this alive before. I feel like I'm on top of the world. No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes. This is just plain me. I guess this is how it actually feels like to feel alive.
Happy birthday to me. The new me. A better me. The better version of me—the one I've always wanted to be.
It's been a crazy journey. But I feel like I'm in a great place in my life. I feel more alive and feel an inner peace with myself.
The older I get the more I start to learn more about responsibilities and realize that everything I do affects the people around me. I was being selfish then and didn't care who I hurt. But I'm proud of the man that I am now. I'm still not perfect but I will continue to work on myself everyday.
Earlier on today, I had gotten my right eyebrow pierced and even added a small tattoo of her initials on my right sleeve to mark a new chapter in my life as I turn twenty four.
Nothing of what I've been doing was easy. It was a difficult road for me. But my driving force was y/n. Even if she wasn't here with me, she had always been a strong force in my life.
If I can't have her now, then I'll just have to settle with the memories of her. I miss her more than anything. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't let her get away.
I truly believe it in my heart, that Y/n and I are meant to last forever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let our love go easily. That's why I'm willing to fight for her.
I see love as an ocean, you either sink or keep swimming. But I'm choosing to swim. I would even swim across the Atlantic Ocean if I have to, just to gain her love back.
Nothing will stop me. Not even Park Jimin.
But it all comes down to how she feels about me. I just hope there's a bit of love left in her. Even if she can never love me back again, I just really hope she can at-least forgive me. That's all I would ever asks of her, only then I can let her go. But hopefully I don't ever have to let her go because I plan on marrying her.
I reach inside my pocket and pull out a black genuine-leather ring box. I flick it open and immediately, the three-stone ring glitters underneath the moonlight. I glance underneath the lid that has a gold monogram of her future initials. This ring is made just for her only.
Although she was Mrs. Jeon before, it's just sad how all of it was fake because of my stupid immature self. This time everything is real and I sincerely want to marry her and have a better wedding where we both can enjoy. Back then, I did not put any thought and had rushed the wedding, not truly understanding how significant it really is.
Now, I see the wedding as a time to celebrate our love with family and friends, and to truly commit to one another forever. Which I can say now that am ready and fully committed to spending my entire life with only her.
I stare at the ring in awe, not because how exquisite it looks sparkling in my hand. But because I've had this custom-made the way I want it. I put so much thought into this ring and it turned out so mesmerizing. I had gotten this ring months ago, three weeks after I went into that jewelry store.
It holds a special meaning. The huge emerald-cut diamond in the centre is imported specifically from Greece because that's where she dreamt of going, which I had planned on taking her and proposing to her there. But also, that place already holds a special meaning to me since I've spent many happy moments of my youth with my mother in Santorini, Greece which I don't think she even knows about.
I incorporated those two smaller heir-loom emerald-cut diamonds on the side because it's sentimental to me. It's from my mother's personal jewelry collection that y/n had always loved and it's also to pay tribute to the fact that my mother's presence will follow us on our lifelong journey of marriage.
I couldn't help but smile down at the shimmering ring. She's going to love it. Not because of it's financial value but the meaning behind it, and y/n is one sentimental person.
Hopefully, I get a chance to finally get down on one knee and present this ring to her.
But I just hope by the time I see her again...she still has love for me and that I'm not too late.
Because my love for her has always remain the same but this time I'm willing to prove it to her.
But that is the past now, we didn't last now
I guess that this is meant to be
There's nothing like us, there's nothing like you and me
Together through the storm
‹‹‹‹ ♦ ››››
[Y/n's POV]
It's 12:00 am. It's Jungkook's twenty-fourth birthday.
I'm standing at the balcony of my room in Boseong as I stare out into the dark blanket made of hues of blues and blacks with specks of bright lights shining through. One specific star is shining so brightly, giving me nostalgic feelings of memories and happiness.
Happy birthday, Jungkook. Despite everything, I hope you're okay and happy...wherever you are.
Suddenly I feel someone's warmth behind me with arms wrapping around my waist, knowing well who this person is. I feel his soft lips on my skin as he gently places butterfly kisses trailing down my neck to my shoulders.
"Baby."
Jungkook?
My body tenses up and my heart race with the sudden shock mingling with a small excitement to hear that familiar voice again. What is he doing here?
"Baby, I missed you so much."
It is him.
My heart races at an alarming rate as I turn myself around wanting to see those loving eyes again.
"Baby, what are you doing up this late?"
Jimin.
He's finally back in Boseong, after having to go back to Seoul for two days. But now he's here standing in-front of me wearing everything black and he's hair is now black too. No more blonde Jimin.
"Oh uh...Jimin," I take a very deep breath to calm myself down from that sudden surge of shock and excitement. "I uh...I couldn't sleep."
I don't know why I heard Jungkook's voice instead of his.
"Baby, I have an important question to ask you..." he suddenly says, feeling his nervousness radiating out of him, "and I don't think I can wait another day or second to ask you this."
I look at him with great concern on what could be bothering him. But I watch him go down on one knee and pulls out a ring. My mouth gapes open, feeling my breath taken away.
"Kim y/n, will you marry me?"
My eyes grow wide in shock but I immediately say, "Oh Park Jimin, there's no one else in the world that I'd rather spend the rest of my life with," I could feel my heart beating incredibly fast with a surge of overwhelming emotions. "A thousand times yes!"
THE END OF PART II.
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Author's Note:
Thank you for those readers who been reading this long book from the very beginning and are still reading. ♥️
I see all your comments and even though the entire story is already written, I do take some of what you feel into consideration in future chapters.
I know this story is becoming so long and some of y'all are probably getting annoyed but it's really your choice to keep reading or not.
But trust me, you DO NOT want to miss PART III!
PART III will be updated not anytime soon and it may take months.
Will the untold truth finally be revealed? Or is there more secrets being kept in the dark? Will Jungkook and y/n end up together or does fate have other plans for them?
The past of certain characters resurfaces in PART III bringing this whole story together as it finally comes to an intense shocking end.
Please stay tune for the FINAL PART and buckle up because it'll be an
EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER.
WARNING‼️: If you're really invested into this story, you may end up crying your eyes out
(Once, twice, or maybe three times).
If your heart is sensitive, PART III may not be for you.
»» ««
Comment a ❤️ to which of these men do you actually prefer as the second love interest?
(This is just out of curiosity...👀)
Jimin
Taehyung
»» ««
♪ [Playlist for PART III] ♫
These are just a few songs to show you a preview of part III.
(No particular order)
» The Truth Untold
» Still With You
» Sweet Night
» Butterfly
» Film Out
» Let Go
»» ««
To the readers who vote, comment and reach out to me, y'all are the reason this story is still going and why I upload consistently when there were many moments I felt discouragement or doubted to continue this story. I don't think I can thank you all enough and how genuinely appreciative I am for all you still reading up to here. 💜
Goodbye for now. :)