(Ghost AU; happy birthday to our beloved hyung
There's also four song references in this and if you know them, congrats, your taste is astronomical)
He would have aged well. Yes. Seokjin knew. He would've grown into a fine young man, would've craddled the sun in the palms of his dainty hands and gossamer clouds like a crown on his head. He'd lose the baby fat beneath his eyes and grow accustomed to sharper, more mature features. Much like Seokjin did.
But alas, staring at his distorted reflection in the lake, Seokjin realized he'd never get the chance to know what exactly Hoseok would've looked like had they aged together. Would he still have that heart smile? Or would it neutralize over time and turn into the same old basic curve everyone else seemed to have?
As clear as the water was the fact that Hoseok was special. He was. Everything about him was unique and amazing but unfortunately time stole him too soon. The dark night took him and the crash weighed down on Seokjin every single day, even after ten years.
His birthday was yesterday. With family he spent it. And after dinner he went to a party with his friends from work and they drank until the day retired. But when Seokjin got home, he laid in bed thinking the same thing he thought every birthday, every holiday, every moment that missed a specific shine. What if Hoseok was here?
I miss him.
Seokjin plucked a rock out of the damp soil and tossed it into the lake. Ripples formed. Glided over the surface of the sparkling water where moonlight danced and glimmered in wonder. Hoseok used to skip the stones. They kept track of his record: only three hops. It was quitet without his bubbly laugh that seemed to shake the leaves upon the trees. Silent and still save the cold breeze on Seokjin's back.
Wish you were here with me.
The tears Seokjin cried for Hoseok were enough to fill this large lake if it were to ever dry out. Enough to feed the flourishing greens of the grass and purples of the hyacinths. Might be a little salty but that salt was the heartwrenching sorrow Seokjin sobbed just about every day. One would assume, after ten years, he'd know to move on or at least try. But he still had nightmares of that night. The horn and the two mesmerizing bright lights that bled together not a moment too late. Like falling out of bed while deep asleep yet much worse. Or shaking and shivering in the crisp winter season but tenfolds. The groan of the car warping and concaving on the driver's side masked by the god awful screech of tires on asphalt. The air bag punching into Seokjin and nearly knocking him out, but not enough that he wasn't able to hear the ending of Born Sinner by J. Cole and James Fauntleroy from Hoseok's favorite playlist. It's was teasing, in a way, the choir in the background and the liveliness of their voices contradicting the very real fact that Hoseok's was already gone and Seokjin was hanging by a single thread.
Was he supposed to forget? Was he? It was impossible. He was suffocating in sadness and he didn't really know what to do. He's so lost. So distant from reality that he's surprised no one has really noticed and if they did they just didn't care enough to reach out and help him, save him from drowning on this emptiness flooding his lungs and god it was so painful. Is it supposed to hurt this much? Is everything supposed to feel like this? The sky so heavy and the ground so hallow, swallowing him hole. A pit of black misery.
Someday. Somehow. He'll make it right, but not right now. Hoseok would want him to. It's just that now, right now, every thought is something terrible, something negative, and if he tries to move on it'll get too overwhelming and he's afraid of that.
Seokjin's shoes have soaked through. Socks all soggy and toes like ice. This lake is something to him. It's where him and Hoseok spent a lot of time when they were just kids finding their way of life. It was their secret, their beauty to share. Now, blue looms over they grey water and it's not as pretty as it used to be, no, but it's one of the only things Seokjin has left of him.
Maybe... maybe this is just a really long nightmare that Seokjin will wake up from. Right? If he pinched himself hard enough, he'll wake. And that means it never really happened. The accident and that years of dragging by. He could run into Hoseok's arms again, yeah, that would be wonderful.
But. But Seokjin isn't stupid. He's just got false hope. He pinches himself, of course, just incase, but he's still here at the gloomy lake all alone. So. Nothing's changed and it's still cold.
It comes full circle again and Seokjin thinks about moving on. He always comes here to think about moving on. But if he lets go of the memories, he'll forget Hoseok's face more than he already has and that's not acceptable, no, he can't do that to him. Seokjin must keep him alive inside his head so he can see through his eyes. See the world he's unfortunately missed out on. He's got to continue looking at the pictures of him to plug in the missing fragments of his face whenever the edges begin to chip away.
Maybe he'll find a way to do both in the future but for now, he'll just sit and sulk, soak up the fading memories, and relax. Think he can feel Hoseok here with him, maybe. Maybe.
-
Work is picking back up after New Years and Seokjin's feeling the weight on his back but he still scavanges enough time to go to the lake. It's lighter outside today and the frogs are croaking alongside the crickets' chirps. Smells of nature, here, in the woods. There's a coldness coming from somewhere beside Seokjin most likely blowing off the lake. It's calm. He feels content, for once.
That is, until his bubble breaks at the snap of a twig and the russle of tree branches.
Seokjin whips around as a figure breaches the tree line at the horizon. They stumble a little, murmurs of words Seokjin can't make out from over here. He's just puzzled. And a little disappointed. This is the Seok spot, no one else should be here. Not when Seokjin is, at least.
A bristling chill scatters up Seokjin's spine when the figure spots him.
"Oh." He says. Seokjin can't hear it but he can see his lips form the shape of the word as well as his shocked expression.
It's awkward for a moment. Seokjin's hair gets mussed in the wind. The other boy stands still.
"I wasn't expecting others to be here." He scratches the side of his neck.
Seokjin wasn't either. But he can't control curious, wandering travelers either, so.
The boy is holding a little green box. It looks like something to keep bugs in. And he's wearing a pair of khaki overalls over a tee with dirt smudged on the shoulder and at his knees. He's taller but younger, Seokjin thinks. He can't accurately guess from his sitting position.
"It's just me." Seokjin shrugs. But the boys features churn into even more confusion as he shakes his head.
"No. No there's someone right there."
Seokjin looks to where he's pointing, a little angry that there's another person at his special spot. But there's no one.
Weird. And insanely creepy.
"I think it's time I leave." Seokjin sighs. He had his time. He should get back before sun sets anyways.
"What about your friend?" The boy says and he nods in that direction again. Seokjin looks, because maybe he's got some dumb selective sight, but there's no one there. Again.
"Look. I came here alone. Whatever you see has nothing to do with me-"
"Oh my." The boy suddenly blushed. Seokjin's brows furrow. He's so confused. This feels like a waste of time and he's tired from work. "Y-Your friend just cussed you out."
"Okay. This is stupid. I'm delusional. I'm leaving." Seokjin's walks away. He makes it halfway through the clearing when the boy calls out again.
"Seokjin?"
He's hesitant. Seokjin can hear that in the tone of his voice but the more jarring thing is the fact he knows Seokjin's name. This stranger knows his name.
He turns on his heels.
"How do you know me?"
"Your friend said your name."
"For the last time, I came here alone." Seokjin huffs in confused frustration. The boy just fidgets in place and Seokjin crosses his arms.
"Your friend told me to tell you that you're being mean. And that you weren't this cold before."
"Well tell my friend he knows nothing about me. And neither do you, so-"
"Your birthday was last month." The boy says. He's looking at the abyss, eyes trained to the spot he says Seokjin's friend is standing though all Seokjin sees in the edge of the lake washing up on the dead leaves. "Your favroite color is purple and you come to this lake because it reminds you of your best friend. Who died in a... car accident? I'm sorry to hear that- oh wait a minute. This is your friend who died?"
Seokjin's not really listening anymore. There's an insistent ringing in his ears and he thinks his face has gone pale. There's absolutely no possible way this boy knows those things because Seokjin has never met him before. Never told him. Never told anybody about this location. And what does he mean by that last sentence? What's going on?
"You're a ghost?? That's so neat!"
Seokjin watches the boy switch the insect container to his other hand so he can stick out his right. He shakes it... with the air. The air. He's talking to the air, claiming it's Seokjin's friend but it's impossible, you see, so what's going on???
"Seokjin, he says his name is Hoseok. Jung Hoseok."
Seokjin blinks and the world spins.
Fuck.
-
A couple days later, Seokjin goes back to the lack. It feels foreign now and he doesn't like it. Not one bit. But Namjoon, the boy, is there and he's talking while looking at the lake. To Hoseok, apparently. Seokjin can't see Hoseok's ghost that Namjoon says is there but Namjoon is passing along information he shouldn't know, so, what else is Seokjin supposed to think?
He plops down in his usual spot. It feels cold suddenly. He shivers.
"Hoseok always sits on your right." Namjoon comments. Seokjin gulps and nods.
"Yeah. That's how it's always been."
"He says he misses you. A lot. And he wishes he could follow you around but he's bound to this lake..."
"Can uhm, can you ask him why?" Seokjin whsiperes. Namjoon chuckles sweetly, pretty fingers twirling in the blades of grass still slightly wet with morning dew.
"He can hear you. But he says he doesn't know. There's just a barrier around this lake."
"What's he look like?" Seokjin asks. Has he changed? Does his ghost age too? Is he wearing the bloodied clothes from that night? Some weird angel robe?
"He's in a nice suit." Namjoon says. Ah. The suit he was buried in, Seokjin thinks. "His hair is... dark. Maybe black? It's parted down the middle and sorta long, I suppose. Maybe the same length as yours." He looks to Seokjin.
"Does he look young?"
"Yeah. My age, probably."
"Sad?"
"Not at all."
Seokjin feels a wave of something burst into him and he blinks away the burning tears in his eyes. How come Namjoon sees him but Namjoon can't? How is that fair? Namjoon doesn't even know Hoseok. Or Seokjin. He's just an odd piece of the puzzle that fits but isn't supposed to, right?
"Oh. Look." Namjoon points to the lake and Seokjin watches closely. Tiny disturbances form on the surface. It looks like what you'd see when a frog burrows in the lake bed. "Hoseok can walk on water."
Seokjin just stares. At the supposed footprints. Hoseok really is there, huh?
"But why are you here?" Seokjin says and it takes Namjoon a moment to realize Seokjin is talking to him, not his friend.
"I don't know. I didn't even know I could see ghosts until the other day."
Hmm. Is this the world's way of bringing Hoseok and him back together? Or is Namjoon supposed to fill the void within Seokjin? Maybe Hoseok is only tethered to this realm because Seokjin needs him. But if Namjoon became not the new Hoseok, but someone Seokjin could lean on, maybe that would give Hoseok the push he needs to finally relax. Yeah. Right?
Maybe it's time to move on and both Namjoon and Hoseok know it. So they're here to help.