|| Butterfly ||
If I let go of your hand
you'll fly away and break
I'm scared of that
Will you stop time
If this moment passes
As though it hadn't happened
I'm scared I'll lose you
_______________________
♣ ♢ ♛ ♢ ♠
[ 𝗔𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗣𝗢𝗩 ]
Jungkook was standing at the door in-front of y/n and immediately their eyes met with a flare of intense connection. Jungkook became speechless and his breath caught in shock of seeing her once again. "Y/n..."
Y/n blinked owlishly, taken back at the man standing in-front of her. But took notice of his doleful dark brown eyes, that shined beautifully yet lingered with sadness.
It looked like she just saw a ghost. She stood like a statue unable to utter any words, as his eyes intensely held hers.
"Jungkook..." y/n said so quietly, almost like a whisper. Her shocked expression soon turned to frustration after processing what was going on. She opened her mouth but immediately Jungkook closed the door behind him and covered her mouth.
"Shhh..." Jungkook held her against him. But it only caused y/n to internally panic thinking he was going to kidnap her again. She tried to wriggle out of his hold, trying to hard to speak through Jungkook's hand covering her mouth.
"Baby, don't worry," he assured, trying to calm her. "I'm not kidnapping you and I definitely won't hurt you."
Y/n became weary but eventually started to ease down and tried to steady her breathing.
Jungkook leaned down close to her ear, with his free arm wrapped around her waist. "Now promise me that once I remove my hand, you won't scream. I promise, I won't do anything to harm you. So promise me you won't scream or try to run out the door."
Y/n was hesitant at first, but as she looked into his eyes, she felt a sort of calmness and sincerity in him. He didn't seem angry or cold, making her slowly calm down and finally gave in, nodding her head in agreement.
Jungkook slowly had let her go, and she immediately tried to catch her breath as she fully turned to face him. He heaved a sigh, feeling relieved that y/n had stayed quiet and obeyed him.
"Jungkook, I don't know if this is a good idea..." she suddenly stopped as pain seared through her heart to see Jungkook's gloomy depressed eyes. A sigh slipped out of her lips as she glanced at him with sympathy in her voice, "What is it that you gotta say, Jungkook?"
Jungkook was silent at first, taking a full look of her. His heart suddenly became even heavier than it was, seeing her in her wedding dress and killed him more to realize it wasn't going to be with him. He had always hoped that one day he would see her again in a wedding dress, and have a real wedding. But he knew that it was far from ever happening now.
Y/n stared at him blankly, waiting for him to speak and soon enough he broke his gaze from her and pulled her towards the sofa. He sat right across her with their knees almost touching, and immediately took a couple deep breaths to prepare for what he was going to do.
"I'll try to make this quick, y/n. I..." he abruptly stopped as the gloomy emotions were starting to take over his body. "I wouldn't want you to miss your own wedding." He managed to steady his voice, but his expression was etched in sadness. "Aera and I aren't together anymore."
Y/n froze and glanced at him with wide eyes from shock and confusion. "W-What do you mean?"
"I got our marriage annulled," he simply said. Although deep down he wanted to explain why he even married her in the first place but he doesn't see a point. He had grown tired of everything that had happened and wanted y/n to have her peace, especially now that he finally had somewhat taken care of the problem.
"B-but..." y/n was lost of words, not knowing what to believe. "She's pregnant...with your baby, Jungkook."
"No, she wasn't pregnant," he informed her, feeling like a small piece of the weight he been carrying has lifted off his shoulders. "She faked her pregnancy and worked with the doctors and fabricated the results to show that it was mine but it wasn't. She went to the extend to also pay off the many doctors that I had personally reached out to confirm if the baby was really mine and they all given me the results that it was. Only to find out that it was completely not true but fake," his voice suddenly grew harsh, "and she's not even pregnant."
Jungkook paused for a moment, as she realized y/n was looking bewildered with her eyes wide and body frozen unable to react.
"Look y/n," he sighed with his voice calm but stern. "From now on don't ever talk to her again or believe any shit she says. She's not what you think she is or who she projects herself to be—" he stopped again, knowing he had no time or waste this moment with y/n talking about Aera. He does not want her knowing what he had done, as he does not want her to worry about him but wanted her to finally live her life and move on.
He sighed again in distress, feeling conflicted of telling her the full truth, wishing he had more time with her.
"W-hat..." y/n muttered, feeling overwhelmed, betrayed, and devastated, unable to even think or move.
"That's the truth y/n," Jungkook assured her.
She remained speechless, but internally her mind and heart were churning forcefully from what was revealed and all while still fighting those thoughts and emotions that she was trying hard to get rid off prior to the wedding ceremony.
"The mafia rule of never divorcing does not apply to her, since she didn't know any of my mob activities, she does not count. And plus..." he abruptly stops.
"Because I'll soon have that bitch dead." He continued the words in his head, unable to say it to y/n.
"Y/n," he stressfully sighed. "I'm not going to waste my time talking about that bitch. I'm here for you and I have a lot to say."
"Jungkook...no," she quickly said, unable to handle anything at this given moment from her overwhelming emotions that had engulfed her entire body. "Please don't do this especially now—"
"Y/n, don't worry....I'm not here to change your mind," he said with sadness in his voice.
Y/n glanced up at him and immediately felt a searing pain in her heart to hear him say those words but she knew she shouldn't be feeling this way especially at that very moment.
"Y/n...I..." He took a deep breath, having a hard time trying to find the words to express what he was feeling. "I'm not going to lie, seeing you in that beautiful wedding dress...is killing me."
He glanced down for a moment, trying to get himself together. Once he brought his doleful eyes back to her, there was an instant tug of pain in his heart. "But I just can't resist not seeing you once more. I wanted to see you one last time, before you get married to...Jimin." He paused once again, trying to resist his tears. "But before I let you go y/n, I'm going to apologize once more and ask for your forgiveness."
Y/n stayed quiet but internally her heart was flooded with painful sadness and anguish.
"I'm sorry for everything," he said brokenly. "I know all I've been doing is apologizing, but I really am—"
"Jungkook, no please," she weakly said as she cut him off. She was scared to hear what he had to say, knowing it will just cause her more pain than she can handle.
Jungkook became completely silent feeling hurt that she didn't even want to hear what he had to say, and assumed he really had no chance with her.
"No baby, I...I really am sorry," he persisted with desperation in his voice. "It was my stupid pride, ego, and my selfishness. It caused me to lose such an amazing woman like you. I was wrong for all the shit I've done to you. It hurts me everytime I think about the pain I've cause and all the suffering you been through. It was really all my fault. I tried my best in changing to be the best man for you. The one you had always deserved. But I feel like I'm..." There was a tightening of his throat and short intake of breath.
"I'm too late..." his voice broke and buried his face onto his hands.
y/n couldn't hold her heartbreak any longer as grief spilled out in tears. Every word Jungkook said pierced painfully right through her heart.
"But I just wanted you to know that, as much as it pains me to see you with another man..." He choked up, trying to push back his tears. "If he makes you happy...then I'll accept my defeat."
Y/n wiped her cheek every few seconds, but more tears continued to pour down her face.
"In the beginning I was always so scared of losing you, y/n." He reached for her hand and held it firmly. But he couldn't help but stared down at her hand, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold it ever again once he lets go. An ache pushed against his heart as he took noticed of the engagement ring, reminding him of the incredible loss in his life and also knowing this was really it for them.
"I was always scared of losing you the way the way I've lost my mother," he continued on, trying to brush off his unsettling layers of emotions. "When I lost her, I just hated life, it had driven me into hatred and anger. But when I met you, I didn't realize I can love this much..." his chin trembled, "You make life worth living."
He started chewing on his lower lip trying to keep from crying but the tears still poured out. "But I was too blinded, so dumb and immature that...I did end up losing you."
Y/n couldn't hold it any longer and her body wracked with an onslaught of tears, especially witnessing a man who was known to be cold and professional at keeping his emotions in, was sobbing in-front of her expressing his grief.
"You deserve all the love and happiness in the world," his voice cracked, with his eyes wet with tears. "I know I wasn't able to give you that, but if I'm given another chance I would definitely show it this time. I would give you what you had always deserve, and marry you for real this time." He tried to give her a smile, but it only came out miserably, as tears continued to pour down his face. "Heck, I even bought you a ring that day you and Jimin met up at that a café. I had planned to propose to you and wanted to start all over again with you, and to give you a better me—the one you've always been deserving of."
A flood of tears gushed down y/n's ashen cheeks, with the mention of a ring. But that same ring was gone, all the way deep down to the bottom of Hangang River, as it was becoming a symbolism for the fate of Jungkook and y/n.
"But I do respect your decision in marrying Jimin," he sniffled, with his voice thick with emotions. "Like I've said before, if he makes you happy then I'll try my best to be happy for you." He held onto her hands tighter, not wanting to let go. "But this is way too painful for me...I'll be leaving the country y/n, that's the reason why I just needed to see you one last time, before my flight which is during your ceremony."
Y/n felt her breath caught and her soul swept away from her body. The thought of potentially never seeing Jungkook again, amplified the pain in her heart.
"I just think this is the best idea..." He took a deep breath, with his eyes swollen and red. "I want you two to be happy together. I'll be living in Greece. The place I told you about where I spent parts of my life. I don't think I can stay here in Korea. Everything reminds me of you." His doleful eyes bored into her, feeling his heart aching at the sight of tears pooling in her eyes.
"I won't have any connections with the boys and the mob during my time there. I just want to be on my own and have my own peace of mind and plus they're just going to remind me of you." He tried to force a smile but tears of grief only spilled out. "I don't know how long I'm going to be there. But I've left Taehyung to take my position for now."
Y/n closed her eyes trying to calm her emotions but tears continued to flow down like a river and heart throbbing in unbearable pain.
"So I'm here to just say," he took another deep breath, and leaned closer to her distraught face. "I love you, y/n. I will always love you, and I don't know if I could love anyone else. You have given me the happiest memories, and it seems like we can't return to those days." His bottom lip quivered and his shoulders dropped in resignation. "But it's my fault. I don't think I deserve your love or ever did. Jimin is more deserving of you."
A sudden knock on the door interrupted them, making y/n looked towards it. "Ms. Kim, it's time to go."
She looked back at Jungkook, but his gloomy eyes were already on hers. "Okay, give me a few minutes," she yelled out towards the guard at the door but she kept her eyes on Jungkook.
Jungkook's eyes became desolate as he glanced down away from her—he knew the moment has finally come.
It became silent between them. Y/n didn't know what to say, with her thoughts and heart becoming overbearing. But soon Jungkook turned his focus back to y/n.
"Although we didn't end up getting to do things we dreamt of doing together from travelling the world to having a family..." he sniffled with his voice steady but still carried sorrow and despair. "I'm happy that you get to do all those things with a guy like Jimin.
Tears began to fill up in both of their eyes again as both hearts are breaking into a million heart-breaking pieces.
"I guess...it really is time to say good bye," he said with grave sadness in his eyes. He looked away for a moment, trying to recollect himself until finally he gave her a wistful smile."I'm happy to see you happy and I'm ready to let you go to your happiness, y/n."
An involuntary whimper escaped y/n's lips. She brought her shaking hands to her face to cry but Jungkook immediately pulled her into his arms, and wouldn't let go for a long time. A moment of exceptional bonding and respect formed between them as y/n sobbed onto his familiar hold that brought back blissful memories.
The knocked came again and reality seeped in. The two are still locked in a firm embrace but y/n knew what she must do.
Y/n knew she had to let him go. She had already decided and he was indeed too late. She finally pulled away from Jungkook's hold, only to meet his sorrowful eyes, breaking her heart even more.
But he suddenly got up and held onto her face, and glance down at her with a reassuring smile to let her know that it was okay for her to leave.
"Y/n, I will always love you. You mean the world to me. If I can give you the world, I would." He leaned down and gently brushed his lips onto her forehead.
"I'm going to be okay," he painfully smiled again, with tears in his eyes. "Just please, be happy for me. You've cried enough tears and it's all because of me. Start this new chapter in your life and simply be happy. I'll forever cherish our happy moments together and the life we shared together is enough to last me a lifetime."
A tear trickled her cheek, staring up at his loving glossy eyes that used to hold her entire world but it was now time to say goodbye. Her lips soon trembled with the rush of nostalgia of being in Jungkook's arms and all their joyous moments together.
She looked away, unable to look at him any longer. It was becoming too painful. She got herself up, took a deep breath and walked miserably towards the door with a broken heart and a battered soul. It had felt like the longest and painful walk in her life.
"Y/n."
She paused in her tracks from hearing her name being called out from Jungkook. But she doesn't turn around, only stayed in the same spot waiting for what he had to say.
"You look so beautiful, just like that very day of our wedding," she heard him say behind him, feeling the genuineness with a hint of sorrow in his voice. "I didn't appreciate it then but you're one beautiful bride, and your groom is waiting to see you walk down that aisle. Congratulations y/n and I mean it. Jimin is a true man and you're one amazing woman, you're both deserving of this day. I'm happy for the both of you. I hope he takes care of you well and loves you with all his heart."
His heart shattered gruesomely and looked away, dejected and swollen with emotions and the realization of his fate.
An excruciating pain tugged forcefully at y/n's heartstrings, and eventually tears of pain poured down her swollen eyes.
Once she made it in-front of the door, she took a moment and shut her eyes and gazed into fields of nothings, trying to calm her heart breaking emotions engulfing her body.
Her eyes flickered open, and finally grabbed the doorknob but tears filled up in her eyes from the incurable pain and sorrow in her heart.
"Why is this so hard?" She said to herself, and knew she couldn't turn back, this is what she needed and even felt it was best for Jungkook to move on, for them to finally end both their sufferings. The say time heals everything and she sure hoped it does as she finally put a brave face on and pressed down her emotions, ready for her new chapter.
"This is for the best," she told herself even if the pain in her heart disagreed with her.
Suddenly she turned herself around to face him, knowing that letting go means to finally forgive. "Jungkook..."
Her eyes met his miserable tearful eyes, that had a sudden glint of hope.
"I....want you to be happy too," she painfully smiled. The small hope in his eyes immediately vanished, and felt a crushing sensation.
"And I...I forgive you." Her lips trembled as she cried tears of pain and soon walked out the door, unable to bear the suffocating pain in her heart from the sight of him and sounds of his misery.
Jungkook sat silently, hunched over with a great sense of loss so powerful, it felt like his soul had left along with y/n out the door.
He felt like some part of him been ripped out while his world shattered into gruelling pieces. He had hoped she would have turned around and tell him, she needed him. But she never did. And that was when he knew this was really it.
They say holding onto the love is a sign of great strength, but there are times where it requires much more strength to simply let go—which Jungkook and y/n had finally gathered the strength in themselves after holding on for so long in every painful chapters of their love story.
It's goodbye for the both of them and they both know it's truly over. The story goes on, but the chapter ends here for Jungkook and y/n.