hey guys, I decided to make a second part to a one shot I wrote over half a year ago for really no particular reason, so enjoy
warning: this chapter talks a lot about suicide and mentions anorexia and depression.
<Ryan's POV>
I don't know when it started. Maybe it was when my father started spitting vicious words at me when I was 14. Maybe it was when I started believing him when I was 16. Maybe it was when I got my first hate comment on YouTube.
Whenever it was, I'd quickly learned to push it to the side. With an anorexic boyfriend and a depressed friend, their problems were more important than mine.
I only asked for help once, and that was when I didn't trust myself to not do something stupid. I'd gone to Ben because I trusted him, because underneath all the bantering he really was an amazing guy. I knew he wouldn't say anything.
But one day... it all just came crashing down. My dad called me up, threw some words around. I should've been used to it, but something about it just stuck. The words bounced back and forth in my head, over and over.
My body went on autopilot, and I found myself at the top of the bridge. I stared down at the water rushing by. Tempting.
And so I stepped forward, one foot hanging off the edge. Was I really going to do this?
My mind scanned through all the people in my life. Would they care? My mind screamed no, but a small part of my heart whispered yes. However, my mind drowned it out with the overwhelming no, they don't care.
And I listened.
I didn't realize what would happen.
I watched as Ben traced my phone to it's location. I watched as he drove up to the bridge, his expression changing from confused to a horrified understanding, Ben's face paling.
I watched as Ben had to tell Jerome, Austin, Andrew, Alex, Dasha, my mom, my brother, the list went on and on. He didn't tell my dad, but my mom did. I saw his reaction, how he just... didn't care.
But I saw the other reactions. I saw how Dasha started sobbing when she heard. I saw how Jerome was so shocked, how Alex just couldn't comprehend why.
And I watched as my friends and family gathered and celebrated my life, like I would've wanted.
I paused, realizing they really did care. That I mattered, at least to them.
I shouldn't've had to die to realize that.
oh - and if there are any mistakes please point them out. I wrote this on my notes app on my phone.
have a good day!