Me: So far, John, you've gotten one read and one vote, so thank you, Malakoy ! You gave John a vote and he really appreciated it.
John: Yeah, it appears no one wants to talk to me. George gets fan letters piled up to his nose, and then look at me, getting nothing! I see how I rate. They'll all write to the unibrowed vampire but no one takes a single look at me.
Me: Hey, don't call George that! Someone will write, John.
John: All right, people, if you're reading this, please know that whoever writes to me first gets a kiss! Who wants a kiss? If you do want one, write and stop sitting around doing nothing!
Me: That will probably get their attention.
John: Maybe. I don't have that much girl-appeal. *pauses* Okay, change of plans! If you're a dude, you're not getting a kiss! Okay? I draw the line there. If a guy writes to me first, he, um, gets a free airplane kit. There. I'm finished speaking now.
Me: You heard him, guys! Whoever writes first gets a kiss!
John: Or an airplane kit. Don't forget the airplane kit.
Me: Yes, of course. Don't be shy, guys. John really wants to write to someone because he's bored and doesn't have anything else to do.