Advice Request
This person really wants to be in a relationship.
Answered Submission
Hi there!
Well, as someone who used to be the same age as you, I have to say that I didn't think that that age is too young of an age to have a boyfriend. However, as I've grown up, I can say that it is definitely quite a young age to date. You still have a whole life ahead of you. You still have a lot of things to learn and see, which, from your request, you seem to know. But there’s still this nagging little thought in your head that whispers to you about having a boyfriend, right?
You are right on the part where you should live life in the moment, but, at the same time, as someone who’s experienced tons of hormonal imbalance as she grew up, I get what you’re experiencing. You want to just enjoy your life, but, at the same time, you look at your friends, and all of them either have had boyfriends or have tons of people crushing on them. It’s impossible not to crave for the same type of things to happen to you.
Most of us are programmed to be attracted to someone (one of the reasons, for example, is for reproduction), and your body is at the age where people usually experience puberty, and everyone knows that when a girl hits puberty, she can now technically get pregnant. I don’t want to explain too much into this, but you do the math.
Like you said, people that are around your age are usually not that mature yet, but, of course, there are exceptions. There are boys and girls your age that are exceptionally mature, and there are adults who we expect to have mature thinking, but turn out to have minds that don't represent their age. Personally, I think age doesn’t define the maturity of someone, but it’s the amount of experience they've had that defines their maturity. It is the norm that older people have a lot more experience, thus, they are generally more mature than younger people.
I don’t know if I’m biased or anything, but what I really think is that you don’t have to have a boyfriend right now. I’ve been having the same thoughts as you ever since I was your age, and I managed to survive until now with no boyfriend, and I can say that, truthfully, I don’t think I’m missing out on anything in this world. You can still enjoy your life like any other person. Sure, when you look at your friends with boyfriends, you crave to have someone to care for you and to love you, but think about it, is having a boyfriend really that crucial right now?
I can’t really say what the right age is to date. I can’t say that eighteen is the best age to start dating because, honestly, I don’t even know what the right age to start dating is. It will happen when it is the right time. Until that time arrives, just live in the moment (cliché, I know, but you have said it yourself), enjoy the journey that you are experiencing right now with your family and your friends, because, honestly, memories with friends and family are the best. When that special someone appears in your life, enjoy the journey that you will have with him alongside your friends and family.
So, what should you do? Here are a few things that you can do:
- Hang out with your friends and family.
- Find a hobby.
- Don’t make having a boyfriend the main goal in your life.
I’ve heard people say that, when you chase something, it runs away from you, but when you start focusing on the real things that matter, everything that you want comes chasing after you. I’m not saying that having a boyfriend is not something that matters, but perhaps chasing after a boyfriend is just not the thing that matters at the moment.
- Don’t spend too much time alone.
When you’re alone, you tend to think. This isn't a bad thing, because this is the time when you’ll find yourself, the time when you think about life and all the deep things that we should all be thinking about, but, sometimes your mind will find a way to feed you depressing thoughts. ‘Me time’ is good, but too much ‘me time’ can be bad.
I’m not saying that, by doing all of these things, you won't crave having a boyfriend at all, because those feelings will never go away completely. You will always have that little voice in the corner of your mind, but doing these things might take your mind off of it for a moment and let you focus on the real meaning of life. Having a partner is actually a big part of life, but it is not the only thing that matters, so don’t worry too much about not having one yet. Everyone experiences life at a different pace, and you’re still young.
Don’t trouble yourself with dating problems just yet because dating actually requires a lot of time and effort to make it work. You will find someone that will be worth all the time and effort you're going to spend. Just don't let that matter take up your whole mind for now. Trust me, when it's meant to be, it will be. Life works in mysterious ways.
I hope this helps.
With lots of love,
The Advice Column Team