53. It's Engraved On Your Heart Of Stone
I didn't get it. Was there something so wrong with me that the guys I had feelings for had to hurt me one way or the other? Or were boys just assholes in general?
"Hey," Austin's voice came from behind my bedroom door as he knocked. "Can I come in?"
I sighed. "Come in."
I sat up on my bed and he came closer and sat on the edge.
"Jess told me what happened," he began. "I came to see if you were...better."
"I honestly don't even know," I admitted. "Shawn he-"
"He made a mistake Khalan."
I stared at him then got up, pacing around my room to drown my anger and sadness.
"Don't tell me you're defending him too."
"I'm not," he said. "But we both know how Denise is. It sucks that I took this long to see it. She hurt you to get to me and that guilt will always be there."
"Don't blame yourself," I told him. I was crying again now. "I made the mistake for falling for Shawn."
He stood up. "You didn't make a mistake Khalan, Denise is just a horrible person. She used those feelings against you."
"Twice!" I let out a sour laugh. "I let myself fall twice. What is it with me? Everyone I like is just going to leave like that? After hurting me?"
This was one of the times I was so grateful for Austin's calming hugs.
"I'm here," he told me. "And don't worry, everything's going to work out."
"I love you," I said to my best friend.
He let ms go and smiled. "Of course you do. I'm Austin."
I rolled my eyes and swatted his arm, before breaking out into a grin as he laughed.
************
I stayed behind after school while Austin had practice. Jessica was seated in the bleachers but I sat by myself in a classroom to at least get some of my homework done. There was no way I was going near Kyle after all what had happened. I avoided Shawn too, though he tried to speak to me. I was actually very relieved that I didn't have to tutor him anymore.
I looked up from the Math I was solving when I heard a 'thud' near me. Renée. Looks like I wasn't alone. She had left me alone since she gave up her quest for Austin. He was the reason she disliked me anyway. I sat in awkward silence debating whether to help her pick up her books or not. I eventually gave into my good nature and got up to help.
"I got it," she stated.
Okay.
I quietly returned to my seat and stared at my books. My mind was far away.
"Is something wrong with you?" I heard her ask after a few minutes.
"Huh?"
"You've been staring at that book for like ten minutes without writing," she bluntly pointed out. "What's up with that?"
"And you suddenly care because?" I asked.
"Oh I don't," she answered. "I just live for gossip."
Sensing the sarcasm in her voice I rolled my eyes.
"I'll probably regret this," she muttered. "But seriously, you look like you're about to glare that book into non-existence. I'm not your friend or anything but I don't exactly dislike you the way I used to either."
I sighed. Renée was the last person I expected to be telling my problems to, so I was surprised when that's just what I did.
"Wow," she chuckled. "I knew Denise was a snake but...she is good."
I glared at her.
"I know what she did hurt you and all but...I gotta admit, I admire her will to satisfy her vendetta."
"Of course you do," I snapped. I should have known I was wasting my time.
She rolled her eyes. "I know you think I'm just like her and all, and I don't blame you but I'm not. I know I can be a bitch but...we are not the same, trust me."
She had a point. Renée was...well Renée but she wasn't the kind of girl who gave every guy what he wanted. Not like Denise.
"So what am I supposed to do about all this?" I asked her in frustration. "I mean it's not like I can avoid Shawn forever."
Could I?
"Do you know why I act like a bitch to almost everyone around me?" she asked.
"It's engraved on your heart of stone?" I joked, maintaining my straight face.
"Ha ha," she replied sarcastically, her lips forming a small smile despite her rolling her eyes. "But no, it's so I don't get hurt. So I can shut off things like...whatever is happening to you."
I arched an eyebrow. "What, so I'm supposed to be some kind of heartless being?"
"That's not what I'm implying here," she said. "I'm just saying, if you're going to sit there and cry everytime life knocks you down then you're going to get trampled over...bad."
"Well I can't not feel pain," I pointed out.
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional," she reminded me. "My dad's stationed in Afghanistan and my mother could barely give a damn about what I'm doing. I learned how to face things alone. And in this world, you either hunt or be hunted. You don't like something, say it. You want to do something, do it. So big deal, someone did you wrong. It's not the last time it's going to happen, but you can't stay in this...rut forever."
I nodded, absorbing her surprising words of wisdom. She was right though. Moping about Shawn and Denise and Kyle wasn't going to get me anywhere. It's time I stopped feeling so sorry for myself and start living again.
"Thanks," I sincerely told her. "I...really needed that."
"Whatever," she shrugged.
Looks like she's back. But no, I need some of her traits believe it or not.
"Renée," I called. "Do you um...maybe want to go to the mall or something?"
She looked as confused as I expected her to be. "I gave you good advice, doesn't necessarily mean I suddenly want to hold your hand and sing kumbaya."
"I could really use some of your tough girl mojo," I admitted.
She stayed silent for a few seconds, probably still trying to process if it was me talking to her or something. Hell I was trying to process if I was really speaking or not.
"Now?"
I shrugged. "Sure...if you have a car."
"God help me," she sighed in defeat and closed her book before standing up.
She looked at me. "Are you coming or do I have to drag you out by your ponytail?"
I rolled my eyes. "Let's go."
I texted Jess telling her I was leaving and entered Renée's car to go to the mall. I almost regretted doing that, because she said she had shopping to do. I spent almost an hour going in and out of stores before she decided to get something to eat.
"You know," I began before sipping my soda. "I know we've had our differences but I'm kinda glad you showed up back at school."
"I'm not your friend," she said.
I laughed. "Baby steps it is."
A few guys from the team walked in, and I was so relieved Kyle wasn't with them. I did however spot Renée pinning her eyes on one of them.
"Earth to Renée?" I teased.
"What?" she snapped.
"You were totally checking Zeke out weren't you?"
She rolled her eyes not bothering to deny it. "News flash Khalan, my heart isn't entirely made of stone."
I chuckled and got up, ignoring her question as to what I was up to.
"Hey," I approached Zeke.
"Oh hi Khalan," he smiled. "If you're looking for Austin he took Jess home."
"Actually I'm not looking for him," I told him before remembering how Jessica broke up with him. "About that...how are you taking it anyways?"
"Who, Austin and Jessica?" he chuckled. "It was a little awkward at first but I'm okay. I really am happy for them, and moving on myself."
"That's good to hear," I grinned. "Not to force anything on you but I happen to know a blonde who will be happy to hear that too," I added, staring in Renée's direction.
He looked confused. "Renée? You two are...friends now?"
"Well not yet exactly. She doesn't hate me anymore though so that's good," I replied. "And she's actually not that bad once you have a decent conversation with her."
He debated it for a second. "You know what? Maybe I'll give it a try."
She looked at us and turned away when Zeke smiled at her. Not from embarrasment or anything, to probably pretend she didn't care what we were talking about.
"Great," I said. "I'd give you her number but...you know...not exactly friends."
He chuckled and pulled out a pen from his pocket and wrote down his phone number on a paper napkin.
"I'll make sure she calls you," I grinned.
He laughed. "Later Khalan."
I head back to my table and slam the napkin in front of Renée. "He'll be expecting a call."
She smirked. "Nicely done."
"I should be cupid," I joked.
She rolled her eyes. "I guess agreeing to the mall wasn't a complete disaster. Looks like you're not so bad after all."
I smiled. Life was funny that way, throwing all sorts of things at us. Perhaps the bad things often give way to the unexpected, like this. One thing lead to the other and here I am having a civilized conversation with the person I had least expected to.
A/N
If you wondered where Renée went, well she's back. And better if you ask me ;). I always intended her and Khalan to become friends one way or the other. I didn't exactly know how but the plot just fell into place I guess. Please keep voting and commenting. There aren't many chapters left for the book. *sadly*. Thanks for reading though :).
- amani