54. You Got This
My friends didn't believe it either when I told them about Renée. I offered her a smile and said hi when I passed her and they thought I had gone insane. She didn't say it back, but the corner of her lips curled into a small smile. And they found it even harder to believe when I told them I set her up with Zeke.
"I hope that's okay," I told Jessica. We were walking to our Chemistry class. "I know you guys dated and all...I just don't want anything to be weird.
"No it's fine," she replied. "A little odd that it's Renée, I still don't like her but if you think she's okay then fine. I still feel bad about the break up and I really want him to be happy."
I smiled. "I'm glad you do. You don't have to like her, heck I'm still figuring her out, but I think we should give her a chance."
She just shrugged.
Then Liam came panting down the hallway. "Khalan!"
I frowned. "Is something wrong?"
"Shawn...he-"
"He what?" I asked, suddenly getting a bit scared.
"Just come, please," he begged. "He's not listening to anyone else."
I followed him and we rushed down the hallways, passing through corners. I stopped at the sight. Shawn was beating up Matt. And I mean beating. Blood was gushing down his nose and his face was covered in bruises that were already turning purple.
Jacob and Austin were holding him back with Shayley trying to get through to him. The other students were just gathered around, some not daring to step in despite their pity, and others taking videos and pictures like the teenagers they were. If Shawn didn't stop, he was going to give Matt a concussion, and probably put him in the hospital.
"Shawn!" I yelled, trying to stop him. "Shawn please stop!"
He just ignored me. His blue eyes weren't so kind anymore. They were filled with...anger. An anger I had never seen erupt from him before. This wasn't the Shawn I knew. This wasn't my Shawn...
"Shawn if you don't stop you'll kill him!" I screamed, grabbing hold of his arm.
He suddenly became aware of what he was doing and looked at me. The anger dissolved from his eyes and all that remained was pain. He looked at his trembling, bloody knuckles and without a word he took to his heel, speeding away from the crowd as fast as he could to God knows where.
"Where the hell is he going?" I asked.
"I don't know," Jacob answered. "I'm going after him, you should come."
"I've got class," I told him.
He shrugged. "We've all got class."
"Khalan-"
"I've got class," I repeated, interrupting Jessica. "He'll probably be back."
She sighed and nodded.
"I'll see you guys later then," Jacob told us.
He called for Liam and they left.
"Why didn't you just go?" Jess asked me. "You heard Liam, he's not going to listen to anyone else."
Honestly...I don't know.
***
Maybe choosing to go to Chem wasn't the best idea. We didn't do any experiments and I could barely concentrate on what was going on. Before I realized time was up and I had practically missed the whole lesson. I'm just lucky I'm a good student.
"Have you found him?" I asked Jacob who was waiting by my locker.
He shook his head. "Spent an hour driving around, I didn't see him."
Okay Khalan...think.
"Have you tried the roof?"
He shot me a confused look. "What would Shawn be doing on the roof?"
"Be right back," I quickly said and ran towards the door which led upstairs to the roof. After making sure the coast was clear I quickly made my way up. To my disappointment, he wasn't there. I thought this was his hideout. I sighed and went back down, into the school halls to look for Jacob.
"Found him?" he asked me.
I shook my head. "Okay now I'm starting to get worried."
He ran his fingers through his red hair. "I called his house but he isn't there."
"Let's go," I told him.
"Go?"
"Out of here," I explained. "We have to at least try again. I'll come with this time."
He sighed. "Okay then."
We ditched school and got into his car to try and find Shawn. I noticed Jacob's worried look while he drove.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied. "I just haven't seen Shawn that angry since..." he trailed off.
"Since when?" I asked.
He sighed. "Nevermind. I just thought he was over this anger management thing."
"Shawn has anger issues?"
"More than you know," he answered. "He's kept it in check. Didn't he ever show signs that he was going to blow or something?"
"Not really," I shrugged.
"Really?"
Suddenly my mind went back to a few months ago...
"I wonder what you would've done you that creep though, if he hadn't stopped you," I joked.
"I could have controlled myself," he said sternly.
"Controlled?" I laughed. "Shawn you would have put the guy in the hospital if you could."
"Because he freaking messed with you!" he snapped, raising his voice.
I jumped slightly at his sudden outburst.
"I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he apologized softly.
"Are you okay?" I asked. He seemed on edge.
"Yeah...yeah I'm fine," he told me with a distant look in his eyes.
I knew he wasn't but I decided not to press on it any longer.
"I never thought..." I trailed off.
"Yeah well..."
"What was the fight about anyways?" I asked.
Jacob sighed. "Matt was running his mouth as usual. About him...you. Shawn didn't want to fight but after Matt shoved him he lost it."
"Oh."
I couldn't help but feel guilty. Shawn had gotten himself into this mess because he was defending me.
"So, do you think we should head back to school?"
"Wait!" I stopped him. "That's Shawn's car."
"In front of a cemetary?" he asked.
"In front of a cemetary," I repeated. "Of course. How could I have missed that?"
"I didn't know this was his hiding place," Jacob said. "Makes sense though."
I opened the door and turned to Jacob. "You're not coming with?"
He shook his head and gave me a small smile. "You got this."
I returned his gesture and got out, before he began his way back to school, hopefully unnoticed.
I entered the quiet graveyard, trying to retrace my steps back to his mom's grave.
"Shawn," I gasped when I found him.
He was sitting on the grass under a tree a few feet away from her tombstone. He looked up at me with his bloodshot eyes, before taking a gulp from the bottle of alcohol he held in one of his hands.
I stepped closer. "Shawn...put down the bottle."
He chuckled sourly. "Why?"
"Because drinking is not the answer," I told him. "First thanksgiving, then now. You can't keep doing this."
"Just leave Michaels," he slurred. "Believe it or not I need this right now."
I ignored what he said. "Just tell me what's going on."
"I can't."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you'd see me differently," he replied, not looking at me.
"Shawn whatever it is, you're still a good person to me," I genuinely assured him.
"It's not just that," he said. "You'd see me as...damaged."
I knelt beside him and put my hand on his shoulder. "You're not damaged Shawn."
He laughed again, bitterness echoing from his tone. "Yes, yes I am, and you need to see that and stop trying to fix me."
"Well I believe that no matter how damaged you think you are, there's still hope for fixing."
"You really believe that?"
I adjusted my position and sat on the ground next to him. "Sometimes, even the most broken people are still beautiful."
He looked at me and handed over the bottle. I gladly took it and emptied its contents onto the ground.
I gave him a small smile and took his hand. "Now...tell me what's going on."
Shawn's POV
She held my hand. "Now...tell me what's going on."
And there she goes again, being the caring soul she is. And here I was reeking of alcohol and disgrace. My fingers stroked hers. Her hands were so little in mine. I'm an idiot for what I did. I didn't mean to kiss Denise, but once she kissed me I couldn't help but think everything she said before was true. I didn't deserve her.
"You know I didn't exactly take my mum's passing well," I began. "I'd stay locked up in my room for hours, barely moving or eating. We hadn't been in America that long so I didn't have friends. When I did leave my room it would be to wander out on the streets four hours. I didn't even tell anyone where I was going. My father left, so I'd just leave Marge and Carson worried for hours. That's how I found Mr. Anderson's place. Who better to tell your problems to than a stranger right?"
She chuckled.
"To him I was just a lost boy with issues. But he didn't make me feel bad for them, so I guess you could say I made my first friend," I continued. "Way older than I was, but he was always there. And then I met Al, then Liam and then Jacob. I thought I was okay, I thought letting people into my life was going to fix me, but after my dad returned the memories just came rushing back. I wasn't sad anymore. I held so much in that that pain began to fade and turned into anger. I began to get so irritated and annoyed at the least thing. I pushed more people away and I'd just go off on those who stayed. Then one day...about two years ago when I was sixteen...I snapped."
A/N
To be continued! Keep voting and commenting though. The book will be ending very very soon. :)
- amani