Your two best friends were interesting people. Tyrion was your older brother that your father loathed simply because of what he was born as. You were the only one to defend him to your father. And Varys? Well Varys and Tyrion were a lot alike in some ways. Both were intelligent and resourceful. It seemed they could see what someone would do before anyone else. It was a game and they were the masters. While Tyrion and Varys weren't exactly close, they both valued their relationships with you.
So, when the two of them left Westeros without a word, you were devastated. You somewhat understood. Tyrion was going to be executed for your father's murder and Varys had busted him out of the cells. But still, neither of them had said anything to you. It hurt more than you cared to admit, especially Varys. Tyrion you could understand. Varys had at least had time to write a note or something. ANYTHING! Instead, they left you. Under the care and guidance of your sister.
That was how you found yourself sitting with Cersei as Daenerys and her council explained the dangerous situation to you all. You fought to keep your face neutral as Tyrion spoke. You were Cersei's strategist. You had to maintain a sense of calm, but you couldn't deny that you had missed him as well as Varys. Your eyes traveled to Varys, only to find him already looking at you. If you didn't know better, you'd swear there was guilt in his eyes. But you did know better. Varys only did what he felt was right for the realm. He wouldn't and shouldn't feel guilty for that.
You sat silently until Cersei left. You almost went with her, but she was going to have a conversation with Jaime about what she should do about the Army of the Dead. You chose to stay behind and hopefully, take a moment to speak with your friends. You could strategize with Cersei later if necessary.
"You look well, sister," Tyrion greeted you. You tried to smile, but couldn't quite manage it. "A-Are you happy, Tyrion?" you asked, causing his brows to furrow. He nodded. "I am." Varys approached you both. You took a breath to steady yourself as you felt your anger and disappointment bubble up inside you. Even after a couple of years, you still held onto your bitterness of them leaving. The only thing keeping you from exploding were Cersei's words. "Be like Father."
The problem was that were like him. At least on the outside. Cold and calculating. Doing whatever you had to do to protect the family, even if that meant killing people who really didn't deserve it. You were ruthless. And you hated it. You had become the very thing your brother had killed. The thing Varys had always said was a problem for the realm.
"You've changed," was the first thing Varys said to you. Your eyes swung over to him as a frown made its way to your lips. "Have I?" He nodded in reply and your moved your gaze down to Tyrion who also nodded. "I suppose that's what happens when the two people keeping you sane just up and disappear one evening with not a single word." Both of them winced a little, prompting you to let out a sigh.
Varys opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it. "I'm sorry." He gave you a look of confusion. "Whatever I did to cause you to leave me behind without a word. I'm sorry. But I'm more ashamed of what I've become. Of who I've become."
"What do you mean?" Varys asked. You let out a wry chuckled. "I've become just like him. Like Father. I'm a ruthless and cold-blooded murderer." Varys and Tyrion exchanged a glance. For a moment, the three of you said nothing. You let your eyes travel over the small group of people that remained. Nearly everyone there was a threat and you knew you should have be on your guard.
After what seemed like an eternity, Varys spoke up again. "You are not like him." You whipped your gaze around to meet his. "What do you mean?" He gave you a rare smile. "If you were like him, you would not care that you're a 'cold-blooded murderer' as you put it. Your father put his own son on trial for a murder he knew Tyrion didn't commit simply to see him executed. His own son. He felt no remorse nor shame. You regret what you've had to do to survive. That alone makes you a better person than ten Tywin Lannisters. You are not like him."
You felt tears welling up in your eyes and pride in your chest. "Thank you," you whispered. Tyrion suddenly declared that he needed to speak with Cersei. He disappeared, leaving you and Varys remaining off to the side. "Return to Winterfell with us," Varys said. No preamble. No question.
You wanted to shake your head, but instead found yourself asking, "What about your queen? I'm a Lannister and Cersei's strategist. Daenerys would sooner have my head on a platter than accept me joining her." Varys shook his head. "Those are the exact reasons she should accept you. You know Cersei's every move." You frowned.
"You expect me to betray my sister?" Varys gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "Which is worse, my friend? Betraying your sister who has brought nothing but chaos and death to the realm? Or betraying yourself? You are not like the rest of your house, Y/N. You truly are the best of the Lannisters and I would hate to see you die in this war. At least at Daenerys' side, you have a better chance of survival. A better chance to change the realm from the image your father helped to create. Think about it." With that, Varys walked away from you again.
You remained where you were, your mind racing. Could you really betray Cersei? Could you go back to the young woman you were before Tyrion and Varys left? Could you be free of the evil influence of the currently residing in the Red Keep? You didn't know. But you did know that you missed the person you used to be. And you missed Tyrion and Varys. You also knew that you would never change anything where you were. With that in mind, you approached the Dragon Queen. "Queen Daenerys...?" When she turned to face you, you let out a shaky breath. "Here goes nothing," was the only thought racing through your mind.