|| Blue & Grey ||
The powеrful shadow swallows me
I just wanna be happier
Please feel the warmth in my hands
They're cold, that's why I need more of you
_______________________
♣ ♢ ♛ ♢ ♠
[ 𝗧𝗮𝗲𝗵𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗴'𝘀 𝗣𝗢𝗩 ]
Jungkook glances up at me as I take my sit across him at the lounge office. His haunted eyes immediately pierces through me. There seems to be no soul in those once lively eyes of my best friend. He looks completely dead, looking so miserable.
"You're really going to be a father?" I asks Jungkook as he continues smoking his cigarette.
"Yup," he answers with no emotion, and blows smoke out of his mouth. He looks so pitiful—so hopeless.
"You sure you're the father?" I asks, wanting to make sure. "Wait a minute..." I feel a sudden sick feeling creeping in the pit of my stomach. "Uh...you...and..." I can't even bring myself to say it, "You and that bitch had sex?"
He looks at me stone cold but doesn't say a word. Immediately I just know the answer and I couldn't help but look away in disgust. But I quickly try to make a straight face, knowing that's probably going to make him feel worst about himself.
"I had too," he says with anger in his voice. "She told me I had to fuck her or else she will make y/n suffer so I had no choice..." he brings the tip of the cigarette back onto his lips and exhales out the smoke. "And also I've done everything and the results says...I'm the father," he miserably says. "I can't kill her now if she's carrying my child. And I have no way in proving she's the killer. The only evidence out there is that the killer is y/n, but it's not her! I don't care what the footage shows, I refuse to ever believe it."
"What are we going to do now?" I feel myself stressed out over this situation. We have so much problems we are still trying to fix, now this sudden news just made the problem even more complicated. I don't think I've ever been in this level of stress ever in my life.
"I don't even know anymore." His face drops in his arms and a gloomy aura surrounds him. "This is my karma."
I glance down at him, feeling so bad. "Was that bitch the one that forced you to announce the news on Live TV?"
"No." He finally looks up, looking like he's so done with life. I can tell how exhausted he looks from the dark circles under his eyes. "I did it purposely. Why? because I want to let everyone know she's my wife so that means she'll be unsafe—plain and simple."
"But..." he sighs out of frustration. "At the same time, it's my tasks to keep her safe from my enemies. If she dies, the people working for her will release the tapes so I'm also screwing myself over at this point. But to be honest, I'm becoming hopeless."
I gaze out in my own overwhelming thoughts as he continues smoking his cigarette, knowing he's using it to ease his internal suffering. I truly feel bad for him and it's killing me inside to see him like this.
He worked so hard to get himself together for all these to only happen to him. I wish y/n knew how much Jungkook is suffering right now, and he's enduring it all for her.
"Why does love never come easy for me?" His voice strains. "Just when y/n and I got along in the lake house and we finally solved our misunderstandings, a new problem arises and then more problems after another. It just never fucking stops."
He takes another puff from his cigarette as if he's trying to calm himself. "I keep trying my best all the time, but this shit just becomes painful the more I hold on to what we have."
I stare at the man across me, smoking and drinking his misery away. He's been a mess after finding out Jimin and Y/n are getting married so soon and now being a father to that bitch.
As days gets closer to the wedding, all he does during the day is trying to get the tapes from Aera and trying to prove she's real murderer of his father. Then at nights all he does is get high and drinks his problems away. He doesn't ever sleep because I know how desperate he is.
I would stay with him right now to keep him company but I needed to head out soon. Y/n and I are having another meeting at Jeon Enterprise building this time. It was supposed to be with Jungkook, but he doesn't want to see her so I had been going to the meetings in his place.
"You know Taehyung hyung..." his voice is low and gloomy, as he looks down at the lit cigarette on his hand. "Those happy moments with y/n at the lake house...I felt like that could have been our normal life...and could have been our relationship...if I just treated her right from the very beginning."
"In the beginning...she was the most loving, so sweet and so caring. But...I would lie to her many times, and I could tell she knew I was lying...but you know what she did?" He pauses for a moment. "Despite her knowing that deep down I was lying to her face, she chose to believe my words and love me even harder."
"She loved me with her whole heart. But what did I do? I crushed it." There's a hint of anger in his voice, towards himself. "And now that same heart is as cold as ice towards only me. But I tell myself I deserve it. It was me who broke her heart first and broke her trust. And those things...aren't easy to heal. I hate how I had to learn that the hard way."
"But at that lake house..." his voice gradually lowers, "When we finally cleared our misunderstandings I saw the old y/n...I saw it, hyung." There's a sudden excitement in his eyes and voice but overshadows by sadness. "I never been so happy just to see her care for me again. Just to hear her laugh and...smile again."
I couldn't help but smile, knowing that he was happy during her time with her at the lake.
"You know that saying, never take a good woman for granted because one day another guy will come along and appreciate what you didn't..." he pauses and I could see the pain and guilt in his eyes. "Man does that quote hit hard..."
His eyes begins to fill up in tears but he blinks it away and then glances down, looking dejected. I let him have his moment as we stay in silence. Meanwhile my mind is churning with so many thoughts and my heart is aching for him. But I know he's mind and heart is just as worst.
"Aren't you going to be late for the meeting?" He breaks the gloomy silence between us.
I glance at my watch and realize he's right. I feel a sudden panic because I like being punctual as now being the President of Jeon Enterprise. I get up in a panic but then glance down at Jungkook, feeling bad to leave him like this.
"I'm going to be alright," he gives me a wistful smile. "I'm the CEO, and your going to make me look bad if you're late." He weakly chuckles.
"Alright bro, I'm gonna head out to the meeting." I take one last sip of the scotch before I could leave. "Take care of yourself, bro."
Jungkook looks towards me with his exhausted eyes. "Alright, take care of yourself too."
I feel bad for having to leave him alone in this state. But it was his own decision that I was to meet with y/n instead. I just don't know why he's doing this to himself, if he misses her so much, he could have just made use of these meetings to see her. It's probably the only time he'll ever be allowed. But then again that's why he had Mr. Bang choose PMK to collaborate with, just so he can see her again. But I don't know what happened, he just doesn't want to attend anymore.
"Taehyung," he calls me before I can walk out the door. "Take care of y/n for me."
I take a moment to answer but smile at his comment. "You know I always have and I always will."
***
"I just wanted to spend some time with you before your big day on Saturday." I walk side by side with y/n in Yeouido Hangang Park after the meeting with her.
There's nothing better than strolling around Hangang Park at night, hearing the calming sound of the Han River. There's so many young people here tonight, all of them in groups living care-free and probably only stressing about their exams. Sometimes I wish I was in their position but there's nothing I could do but live this life of sin.
I stare out onto the Hangang River and admire the vibrant city lights reflecting beautifully in the water, making it hypnotizing to look at.
I wanted to take her out here since I know she must be stressed out. The wedding is in two days and all the boys and I were invited—including Jungkook. "Are you prepared?"
She takes a moment to reply, then looks down. "Uh yeah...I guess."
"What do you mean?" I chuckle at her low excitement for her own wedding. But I also feel a sort of pity towards her, knowing she doesn't know the truth.
Would she continue on the wedding if she knew what Jungkook is doing for her?
"I'm here for you, y/n," I try my best to comfort her, then I turn her shoulders to face me. "Is something bothering you?"
She doesn't answer and looks hesitant to tell me. "No, it's just the usual stress before weddings." She smiles at me, but I know that smile was forced.
I sigh knowing she's hiding something. "Just know I'm always here to listen to you or help you with anything you need...I'm here, okay? And I promise that on my life."
Her eyes seem to light up and gives me an affectionate smile. "Thank you Taehyung, I'm here for you too."
I smile at her, but internally I feel a sense of sadness.
"How are the boys?" She suddenly asks.
"The boys are good, busy as usual," I answer her. "And for Jungkook..." I pause to look at her, but she's already looking at me curiously to what I had to say. "He...he's good...and I guess a soon to be father."
She half smiles but her eyes told me something else—misery.
"I didn't want to bring Jungkook up, but you shouldn't try to hide the fact that you still care about him," I blurt out, wanting to just tell her the truth about Jungkook. "I just want to let you know y/n that he still cares about you too. And that...he had changed to the person you think he is right now."
I'm not sure I can even say that, since she's suppose to hate him. But seeing how Jungkook was earlier on, looking soul-less and depressed, I just can't handle it.
"I wanted Jungkook to be the one to tell u this himself, but I don't know if he'll ever get a chance but...he had a drug problem," I blurt out, even though Jungkook told me not to tell her. "He was under the influence of cocaine during those times he went ballistic on you. Although it's never a valid reason to hurt someone, but I can tell you y/n, the man had changed to better himself for all the shit he had done. He got himself into a treatment facility and even therapy to get better—all for you y/n."
Her eyes grows in shock and almost immediately fills up in tears, knowing it hurts her deeply to know this now. Even I was hurt when I was going through it with him, having to witness him suffer and unfortunately he's still suffering.
"He had always had internal problems from the time I had met him, but he never got himself help until that time he went on a hiatus," I continue to tell her everything. "He was getting treated in Japan the whole time. No one knows but us boys of course because then the mafia world would have considered him weak."
Since I can't tell her about the Aera situation, I'll make sure she knows what Jungkook had been through in the past.
I take a deep sigh, feeling a sort of relief, now that she knows what Jungkook had done. "He didn't want to risk losing you. But I guess he's too late now...I think what really straighten him out was the day he had come to rescue you from that damn bastard Jackson Wang."
Confusion sweeps her face as she sniffles her tears in. "W-what...do you mean?"
"Don't you remember?" I asks her, confused why it seems like this is news to her.
But then I remembered Jungkook told me that Jimin didn't tell her the full truth. Jungkook was going to tell her at her birthday party but he said, he was hurt from y/n's words. But also, he mentioned that it had seemed like y/n preferred and was fully content that it was Jimin and not him.
"Remember what?" She asks me, with her voice going weak as her eyes fills up again. "That Jimin save me that night from Jackson? Then the next morning I woke up to Jimin..."
I take a moment, knowing that it's going to hurt her that Jimin didn't tell her the full truth. "It was actually Jungkook who saved you that night."
"What..." she glance at me with wide tearful eyes.
"Yeah, it was him..." I repeat again. "Jimin came later. But it was Jungkook who came and got you out of Jackson's hold. When Jungkook had found out, he came right away with me. He was willing to die for you that night, y/n...because usually our missions ends deadly. But we were lucky enough that the Supreme Mafia were just a bunch of amateurs."
"But...how? Uh..." she looks speechless.
"He told me that when he carried you out of that room, he was stopped by Jackson and the two fought, leaving you in the hallway of the basement. Once he came back out you were gone. He didn't know the reason but I told him, it was Jimin who had come down and carried you out the house and brought you home with him because I was the one who called him for help to take you away from Jungkook. He wasn't in a good state of mind and I wanted you to be safe."
Her eyes begin to fill up again but this time her grief pours down her face, knowing how painful it must be for her to only hear this now.
"Jungkook was furious and even came to Jimin's house that night to try to get you back but he gave into Jimin and had you stay with him," I continue to tell her what truly happened. "I've never seen Jungkook give into anything. But I guess for your own safety, he was willing to take press down his ego and pride."
I give her a moment of silence to take it all in before I continue. "Ever since then, he truly changed. I'm not saying he's this nice man now, he's still he's cold annoying self," I chuckle despite the pain searing in my heart to see her cry. "But I guess there's a hint of understanding in him now. Why do you think I can stand here freely with you? He's a changed man. Not perfect, but I know he's trying his best to be the man he wished he gave you."
"Why are you telling me this now?" She asks, sniffling her tears away as crowds of people passes by us.
"Because...I wasn't suppose to tell you this," I say feeling a sort of guilt in my heart. "Jungkook likes keeping his own problems to himself."
"Wait so Jimin...lied?" she utters, with her voice going weak. "No...he just didn't mention that part but..." her face drops down, "Not mentioning something important is still a...lie."
"But I know Jimin cares for you a lot," I blurt. "He probably had good intentions from keeping it from you. He is a great man too and I see how he treats you. He treats you well and I respect him for that. But Jimin had always been a brother to me, even if our mob are rivals."
I get a sudden flashback of my encounter with Jimin the other night when I dropped y/n home.
"Taehyung, I know we can't be friends due to our mob business. But because y/n seem to be fond of you and considered you as a friend. I'll allow you to keep seeing her because I also know you could keep her safe. Heck, even way better than the guards I have guarding her."
"But the moment I find out that you try to do something I don't like with her I swear I will—" he abruptly stops for a second, "Actually try to do anything with her and you'll see what happens." He laughed to himself, despite just threatening me.
"Growing up with you, I really considered you as a brother, Taehyung. And I still appreciated the times you were there for me when I had nothing. Even the time my mother had died and I needed a friend. I don't think I could ever forget that. I guess that's why Im not able to kill you—yet." He chuckled again, only teasing, looking like my childhood friend Jimin. "If we were living in a different kind of world, I think we would still have been good friends."
"And I also want you to be at my wedding this Saturday, Taehyungie. Because I know y/n wants to have her friend that she has the outmost respect for and truly trust."
A guy suddenly bumps into y/n, taking me out of my memories. "Sorry!" They both say but I quickly lunge towards the guy and punch him on the face and bring him to the ground.
"Taehyung! What are you doing!" I hear y/n freaking out.
I grab his phone from him. "Unlock it now!"
I can feel him shaking as he brings his unlocked phone back to me. I immediately look through his photos and I fucking knew it. This bastard sneakily took an up-skirt photo of y/n when he pretended to bump into her.
"You disgusting piece of shit." I smash his phone onto the concrete and slam my fist onto his face, not caring at all at the people nearby watching.
"Taehyung, what are you doing?" I hear y/n pleading behind me.
I got myself up, glaring up at the bastard. Then glance around at the shock people, video recording.
"This son of a bitch is a fucking pervert!" I inform all of them. "He was taking up-skirt photos of my friend here!" Out of anger I kick him and he grimaces in pain.
I squat down and grip his hair to make him look up at me. "Usually, I won't let people that do these type of shit to girls. But the girl you happened to take a photo of is very special to me. So that means there's a death sentence for you." The man's eyes quivers in fear.
"Taehyung..." I hear y/n's scared and timid voice, breaking me out of my underboss state.
Ugh. I was just getting in my zone.
I glare back at the man but this time I somewhat calm from hearing the voice of y/n. "It's your lucky night because your life is being spared, and it's all because the girl you took a picture of has a good heart and wouldn't want me to hurt you."
I get myself up, glowering over him. "But I can't promise that if I do see your face again—I won't stop myself from fucking killing you."
I kick him once more to let out my frustration. "Apologize to her right now!"
The man sluggishly gets on his knees and bows on the floor. "I-I an so sorry, miss. I didn't mean it. I uh I'm sorry! I will never do this again! I'm sorry!"
I forcefully kick him again. "You better run and fucking hide because once she gets home, I'm going to fucking find you and end your life, you fucking disgusting piece of shit! Get a fucking life instead of taking up-skirt photos of girls!"
He runs away, fearing for his life but I immediately text my soldiers nearby to find him. Then I turn towards the shock and scared y/n, looking frozen in her spot. "I'm sorry that men are like this y/n."
But she remains quiet and she looks as if she's scared of me or something. I pull her into a hug wanting to comfort her after what she witnessed. But this isn't even close of what I do on a daily basis as an underboss to Jungkook.
"I'm sorry you had to see that y/n," I hold her close to my chest. "I'm just protective over you and I wouldn't want a guy doing that type of shit to you. And if Jimin were here, he probably would have killed the guy."
Suddenly a phone buzzes breaking our hug. It's her phone and she answers with her voice still unsteady. I glance away, letting her talk to Jimin over the phone. I just wanted to hold her longer.
But as I think back on my actions moments ago, I can understand how jealous and overprotective Jungkook and Jimin are towards y/n. When you truly care for someone, there's this need to protect her but there's also this sort of jealousy that you don't want anyone to have a piece of her...except you.
"Jimin is uh here now to pick me up," she meekly say, putting her phone away in her bag. "Uh he's at the parking lot and making his way here right now because he also wants to stay here for a bit with me before heading home."
"Do you love Jimin?" I impulsively asks, not meaning too and she looks at me astounded.
"Yes I do," she answers with no hesitance but I had caught her eyes waver.
"Y/n..." I sigh, feeling my heart suddenly aching in pain. "Before you marry off Jimin, this isn't going to change anything but I just wanted to let you know that..."
I don't know if I can say this to her.
"Y/n, I'll always be here," I blurt out, even though I wanted to say something else. "Like I've always been. I've never left and I don't ever plan on leaving."
"Thanks Taehyung." She wistfully smiles. "And thank you for catching that pervert for me. With you I always feel safe. And you've always being the greatest friend to me."
That word again—friend.
"Your future girlfriend will be the luckiest girl in the world," she softly says, oblivious to my gloomy expression. "If I was your girlfriend, I definitely would be the happiest. You're an amazing guy who deserves the world."
I see her eyes look behind me and I turn to check and see Jimin from a distance waiting for her.
I turn back to face her. "Thanks...y/n."
She pulls me into a hug and whispers, "I love you, Taehyung."
My body tenses and it feels like my heart skipped a beat hearing those words from her. My entire body is in a complete state of shock. But she pulls away and gives me a smile.
Suddenly Jimin makes his way beside us and I didn't get a chance to say what I wanted to say.
I force a smile and bow towards them and walk away. I walk in a miserable state, and it suddenly starts drizzling as if it knew what I'm feeling right now.
If I were to describe what I'm feeling in colors—it's Blue & Grey.
"I love you, Taehyung." Her words echoes in my ears. But she loves me only as a friend. And that will forever be my place—nothing but a friend.
‹‹‹‹ ♦ ››››
[ 𝗬/𝗡'𝘀 𝗣𝗢𝗩 ]
Jimin holds onto my hand tight as Taehyung disappears out of view. "I know you're going to be stressed out and busy this coming days before the wedding this weekend. So I just wanted us to have our last date of being a couple before we become a married couple."
I walk beside him disengage, knowing the truth now. I just don't know how I'm going to confront him about it. I'm still trying to take all this in and I feel so overwhelmed.
"Can you believe it?" He speaks again, oblivious to my quietness. "Who would have thought that the girl I almost run over, would end up being my future wife." He chuckles to himself.
We continue strolling along as he goes on talking but I'm lost in my own mind, thinking of so many things.
"Sometimes I feel like we are destine to be together," Jimin suddenly says as his voice softens. "Like it wasn't a coincidence that I happened to be there that night you were running on the road. I truly feel it was all meant to happen." He stops walking and brings me along to face the river that reflected the gleaming city lights. "It was destiny—or serendipity."
He turns to look at me with smiling genuine eyes. "Because trust me y/n, you changed my life. Believe it or not."
I give him a tense smile but soon turn my gaze towards the river and he does the same. Everything around me blurs as I stare out into a daze with my mind churning. I feel many emotions rising in me from resentment, confusion, but then also an overpowering guilt.
"All I had cared about then was taking my revenge on the Jeons and getting money," he breaks the silence between us but he keeps his gaze ahead. "But as I look back I think I got too consumed in the business, that I felt like I lost myself. Sometimes I wished I never came into the business. But if I didn't, I don't know if I would have met you." He turns to look at me again. "And that...I wouldn't change for the world."
I give him a tense smile again as the guilt in my heart overtakes me and I lay my head onto his shoulder as we continue to stare out onto the calming and still-like river.
I take a deep breath as I finally gathered my thoughts, and finally having the courage to bring up why he lied to me about Jungkook.
I open my mouth to finally bring it up but he suddenly says, "Y/n, I have something important to tell you..."
Oh no, more news...
"It wasn't me who saved you that night from Jackson..."
My eyes widens in confusion and shock that he's admitting it to me. Although earlier on I was resenting him but once I gathered my thoughts and emotions, there was a sort of guilt, knowing I've done worst to him. I wasn't loyal to him but he still forgave me and move passed it as if nothing had happened. Part of me feels like I should do the same.
He glances down for a moment then exhales harshly. "It was actually Jungkook."
I was about to tell him that I already know but I stop myself to hear him further explain his side of the story.
"He even came to get you back. But I just couldn't allow him to take you back and hurt you over and over again," he laments. "I'm sorry, y/n. I never wanted to lie to you. At that time I thought I was thinking of you but I should have told you the full truth. I had convinced myself that I technically didn't lie by not adding that small detail because I did come that night. But it was Jungkook who came first and did all the hard work."
"Jimin..." I say weakly, almost like a whisper. "I know."
His eyes widens in shock then regret and sorrow sweeps his face as he glances down.
"I really hate the fact that you would ever lie to me," I say to him, feeling the tears filling up in my eyes. "I'm just so tired of trusting people, especially all the people I've cared about had lied and betrayed me."
"I did it because I care about you y/n," he tells me with despair in his voice and eyes. "I was tired of Jungkook hurting you. He came that night to try to get you back. But I continued on with our lie that we were together before him to hurt him like he had hurt you." He suddenly grabs onto my hand and looks me in my eyes. "Y/n, I've seen the pain in your eyes when I first met you. And I never want to see that again. I love you, y/n. But you are right. I should have let you know...that was my worst mistake and I'm sorry."
He pulls me onto him and wraps his arms around me, holding me firmly against him. Almost immediately, it feels like the hurt I'm feeling is slowly fading just by his touch and warmth.
"Y/n..." he finally pulls away with tears in his eyes. "I don't think I'm deserving to be your husband for lying to you. I don't want to say this but maybe we should call off the wedding..."
I glance up at him, taken back by his words, but he looks serious. I watch the tears drop down his cheeks but he sniffles it away and glance towards the river trying to hide his emotions. The look of despair in his eyes, I just know he didn't mean it.
"I'm sorry, y/n," his voice trembles, trying to keep his tears from falling again. "All I've ever wanted to do is give you what you're deserving of, but the one mistake I've done is...lie to you. And that's not what you deserve at all."
I stare into the man who's professional at keeping his emotions in especially in public since he's a mafia boss, but he's standing in-front of me with painful tears in his eyes. And I just know how much he's hurting and sorrowful.
I feel a sudden warmth filling up at my heart as my lips curls into a smile, remembering our time in Japan and how happy we were. How hard he tried to help me from my dark painful past. Now he's the one crying in-front of me, spilling out his emotions and I just want to hold him they way he did.
"No, Jimin," I grab onto his cheeks, feeling pain in my heart to see him like this. I stare into his glossy eyes and say, "The wedding is still on."
"What?" He stares at me blankly, as if it he's dreaming. "Are...you sure, y/n?"
"You've forgiven me from a huge mistake," I sniffle, as my eyes swells up in tears and giving him a reassuring smile. "Now, I'm going to forgive you too."
I pull his face onto mine and give him a quick kiss as I wrap my arms around his neck. "And didn't I promise I'll never leave you?"
His body softens around mine and holds me close to him. "I love you, y/n."
"I love you too, Jimin." I smile back, feeling a sense of happiness.
I watch his downcast eyes lit up in sheer happiness and lips curling wide into a smile. He wraps his arms tightly around me as he lifts me up, spinning me around in excitement. "I just love you from the bottom of my heart! To the moon and back! To..." he grunts in joy, looking lost of words. "I can't wait to call you my wife and make you Park y/n!"
I giggle and smile towards him. Just seeing him happy, makes me happy. As I stare at this loving man, I just want to love myself the way this man loves me. The way he had always loved me from the very beginning. I'm ready to fully submit myself to him, by loving him wholeheartedly.