Birthday Guilt

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A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews and votes. My muse and I both appreciate it. This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if you all aren't into it...I'll wrap it up before too long.

And remember...reviews and votes keep me and my muse motivated...especially if they're positive!!!

***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter...Now on with the show!!!

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"Your children need your presence more than your presents." ~ Jesse Jackson

"I know that in my own mind, I struggle with a desire to be both entirely absent and entirely present in any given moment." ~ K. Flay
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Chapter 35

I faintly hear what sounds like whispering...and then it's a little louder...just barely loud enough for me to hear..."Mom...I'm here now. I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you and Summer...or JJ...from that bastard...but I will protect you now. No one will ever hurt you again. No one will ever hurt any of you again. You have my word. All you have to do now is fight your way back to us. I know you're scared...we're all scared too. I know that you're scared of coming back and facing everything...but we're terrified of facing life without you in it. Please don't make us face that...please hear us and find your way back to all of us that need you...please mom."

"Matthew? Did you hear that? It sounded like Chance." I ask, but before he can answer me...I hear it again...but this time...it's a different voice.

"Chance is right mom...please come back to us...we love you and need you."

"Summer?" I whisper. Then I hear one more voice...one that I recognize immediately.

"Listen to your kids, baby...we all need you...we all love you...please come back to us" It's JJ.

Only I could swear I felt her squeeze my hand too. So much so that I look down at my hand to make sure she wasn't really there.

"Matthew...what's going on? Why can I hear them? Did I really just feel JJ squeeze my hand?" I ask...confused.

"Yeah Em...I heard them...and given what I know about you and JJ...how connected the two of you have been over the years...you probably were able to feel her squeeze your hand. I told you that you might be able to hear people around you from time to time...since we're really just trapped in your mind right now...and I'm just here trying to help you find your way out." Matthew smiled as he reminded me that what I was seeing all around me wasn't actually real...that I wasn't in some room in my old house in Italy reminiscing with an old friend. I'm really just in some weird place caught in between life and death.

Funny...this is yet another version of the "afterlife" that I had just been wondering about not too long ago. Guess you should be careful what you wish for...because you just might get it.

"I forgot you told me that...I had gotten so wrapped up in telling you about everything, I felt like it was happening all over again. That's weird, right? Talking about something that happened so long ago...but feeling like you're reliving it?" I ask.

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