Shock And Awe

Scars Part I

A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the votes. My muse and I both appreciate it. This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if you all aren't into it...I'll wrap it up before too long.

And remember...votes and reviews keep me and my muse motivated...especially if they are positive!!!

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter...Now on with the show!!!

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"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"We sleep, but the loom of life never stops, and the pattern which was weaving when the sun went down is weaving when it comes up in the morning." ~ Henry Ward Beecher
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Chapter 19

I watch as Emily throws the covers off of the bed and swings her legs over the side, as she sits on the edge of the bed...facing away from me. Her head is in her hands as she takes a deep breath. I quickly make my way out of the bed and make my way to the floor directly in front of her...propping myself up on my knees with my hands on her arms. "Talk to me, Em."

"What do you want me to say, JJ?" Emily sighs in defeat.

"The truth, Em."

"I told you the truth last night...I'm broken. So...yeah...I do hate myself most of the time...I can't stand to even look at myself in the mirror. Why would I make someone else look at me? You're stunning...incredible...and you deserve so much more than a shell of a person. That's all I am now. How could I think you would ever love me? Ever want to look at me or be with me? I destroy everything I touch. I don't want to hurt you too. Giving up and letting you move on with your life...with someone else...well...that just seems like a better option. Everyone would be better off without me."

"Please don't say that. No one would be better off without you. You're not just a shell of a person, Em. I know you feel broken, but that's just the pain your feeling that's blocking out the good things our future can and will be. I promise you...I will find a way to help you. You just have to let me inside...let down some of those walls you keep putting up inside yourself. I know you do it to keep yourself from getting hurt...but you're keeping all of that pain locked inside too. If you let those walls down...you'll let that pain out and let me in. I can help you find your way out from all of that pain...I promise." I scoot closer to her and pull her into a hug...slowly stroking her back.

"As for you thinking I would never be able to love you or look at you. I already told you...I already do love you...with all of my heart...I could never stop loving you...you're the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. And you may not be able to see it...but everyone else can...you are stunning...inside and out. You may have a few scars...everyone does. I don't care about them any more than you care about my scars. And the only way you could ever hurt me is if you gave up on yourself...on me...or on our future now. I would be lost without you." I pull back to look into her dark, sad eyes.

She looks up at me...doubt crossing her eyes "I'm not sure what you want me to say, JJ" she quietly replies.

"I know that you're scared that your secrets and scars will scare me away...but they won't."