Shock And Awe

What Did I Expect?

A/N: This starts up at Epilogue (07x06). I will start off there, but the first few chapters will switch back and forth between Emily and JJ's POV and briefly touch on some of the major situations and events that have led them up to this point in the story (for context purposes). I will add some more detailed flashbacks later, from those events and earlier episodes, for both entertainment and storyline purposes. In some of the chapters, violence towards primary characters is discussed. I will give you a warning when those chapters come up.

A/N: Also, please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

A/N: More occurred within several of the episodes (which will be brought up in flashbacks), but for now, it is important to note that in this story, there was no Senate Hearing, as the request was made by Ambassador Prentiss and approved by Strauss for Emily to be covertly sent overseas, and only Hotch was aware of the decision. JJ and the rest of the BAU team didn't find out Emily was alive until right before Emily's return.

A/N: Most words in Italics are thoughts by the characters.

This is my first fanfic, so please let me know what you think!

I hope you enjoy the story...and please review...Now on with the show!!!

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"Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." ~ Robert Frost

"No amount of thought can ever reveal what comes unexpectedly." ~ Arthur Erickson

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Chapter 1

I don't know what I expected when I first returned from Europe, after the whole pretending to be dead thing. It's not like I had been away on vacation or something, but I guess a part of me had hoped everything would just return to normal. Or at least as normal as they could be given the unusual circumstances. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I still had so many secrets that no one on the team knew about, and though I considered everyone on the team my family, once I came back, I just felt out of place. It was as if my leaving had somehow changed the intricate balance within our team. It wasn't exactly noticeable by those outside of our tight-knit group, but it was bubbling just below the surface.

Looking back, I wonder if I could have done things differently, or if my leaving has done irreparable damage to my team. I had been replaying so many of those moments leading up to when I faced Ian. All of the secrets I had kept from my team, in an attempt to keep them all safe, along with the rest of my family. All of those moments, and so many others, kept replaying over and over again in my head. It's not as though I thought everything would be exactly the same with my team. They had learned some troubling information about my past that I had always intended on keeping secret. That, I knew, changed how they saw me. But, I had hoped that when I returned, they would still treat me basically the same as before I left. The problem was that they tried to treat me the same, but I could tell that in many ways, it was forced. While I knew they were happy I was back with them, back with the team, some of the trust that had taken years to build was broken.

I also knew that when I returned, I wasn't the same person I had been before I left all of those months ago. Something inside of me was broken as well. I tried to hide it, but it's difficult to hide things from a group of profilers, even when you are at the top of your game. When you're broken inside, it is nearly impossible. Trying to keep the fact that I was completely broken inside, along with trying to maintain the rest of my closely guarded secrets from everyone, was simply becoming too difficult. I knew that eventually, they would all realize that the strong, determined, unbreakable woman that had been a part of their team and family before Ian showed up, had returned as a mere shell of that woman. I was simply playing a role...a part...and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up appearances. I was slowly falling apart and my team was starting to pick up on the subtle signs of my internal chaos.