Loving a Believer

Chapter 20: Undeleted Photos

Her gaze suddenly turned to me with eyes widened, but her expression softened almost immediately. "Sorry," aniya na bahagyang nakangiwi.

I just bitterly smiled and tried to cast aside the feeling of longing for Kirby.

She scrolled down again. "Hey! Who's this blue-eyed guy?!" she asked with eyes on stalks in curiosity. It was the picture of me hugging Sam from behind while he was taking a picture.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Uhm... m-my ex-boyfriend."

My past relationship with Sam was really memorable to me because Sam was really a good boyfriend. He was almost similar to Storm but the difference was, they had a different kind of kindness. Believe it or not, Sam never made me cry.

"Ex-boyfriend? Wow! 'Di naman halata na mataas ang standard mo sa lalaki," pabirong sabi niya. "At mukha ring hindi uso sa inyo ni Kuya Storm ang mag-delete ng picture kasama ang ex ninyo," natatawang sabi niya.

Natigilan naman ako roon at nagtaka sa sinabi niya.

"What?"

"Don't tell me, you haven't stalked Kuya Storm's IG? Puro pictures niya kasama ang ex-girlfriend niya ang bandang dulo ng IG posts niya. Demi ba ang pangalan no'n? Uh, pasensya na kung nabanggit ko ang tungkol sa ex-girlfriend ni Kuya Storm," aniya na may ngiting paghingi ng paumanhin.

"Gano'n ba?"

I tried to speak normally like it was nothing to me, though I felt jealous because Storm and I never had a picture together.

"Yup."

Napatango lang ako, though deep inside I was having a huge question in my mind about what Storm really felt for me.

Hanggang sa makabalik kami ni Molly sa tent namin, hindi ko pa rin natanawan si Storm sa tent niya. Nasisiguro kong kasama niya ang music team.

Naiwan akong mag-isa sa tent namin ni Molly dahil kumuha siya saglit ng inumin para sa aming dalawa. Hindi ko maiwasang mapaisip sa mga nabanggit sa akin ni Molly tungkol kay Storm. Doon ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na i-check ang Instagram ni Storm. Isn't it odd to think that we were married pero hindi kami naka-follow sa isa't isa? I felt so sick now.

He had a huge number of followers. Halos word of God, concerts, and picture with his family ang laman ng Instagram niya sa mga recent posts niya. I just scrolled down until I reached the posts that contained a younger version of him and his hairstyle was different. I thought it was the time that he was a famous YouTube artist because he was with some popular singers and celebrities, local and international.

He looked so handsome, I thought.

At hindi na nga nagtagal ay nahagip na ng mata ko ang mukha ng isang pamilyar na babae sa mga picture doon.

Demi...

Most of their pictures together were kissing, hugging, laughing, on the other hand, they looked so sweet. They also had some videos together, having fun with each other. Habang padami nang padami ang picture na nakikita kong magkasama sila, pabigat din nang pabigat ang nararamdaman ko. Wala sa sariling ini-off ko na lamang ang cellphone ko kalaunan.

Pinagsisisihan ko na tiningnan ko pa ang mga 'yon dahil parang pinahirapan ko lamang ang sarili ko. I felt so insecure, dahil ni isang picture ko doon wala akong nakita... unlike when Demi and him were together. Gusto kong maiyak dahil sa mga naiisip ko. This wasn't good.

The real question here was why was he not deleting their pictures together. He was active on IG, unlike me. The reason why I still had some pictures of Sam was that I was not using my Instagram account for a long period of time.

Bumalik si Molly dala-dala ang dalawang mineral water.

"Are you okay?" tanong niya kalaunan. Hindi na kasi ako kumikibo habang nagku-k'wento siya sa akin.

Pilit lamang akong ngumiti at tumango.

***

Dumilim na naman ang paligid at hindi ko alam kung bakit wala akong ganang puntahan si Storm sa tent niya para magpaalam na nandito na ako sa tent namin ni Molly.

"Tara, Fara! Mag-dinner na tayo," aya ni Molly sa akin.

Ayaw ko sanang kumain dahil wala akong gana pero kailangan kong sumama sa kan'ya dahil ayokong maiwan nang mag-isa sa tent, lalo na't napakadilim na roon. Pumunta kami sa hall kung saan ginaganap ang sabay-sabay na pagkain ng hapunan ng lahat ng participants ng camp.

Hindi rin nagtagal natanaw ko si Storm mula sa malayo. Nalipat din ang tingin niya sa akin kaya naglakad siya papalapit sa akin.

"I've been waiting for you," aniya nang makalapit siya.

He held my wrist and took me where his churchmates were. They all greeted me enthusiastically, but I just gave them a weak smile. Until now, I didn't feel okay emotionally. I just ate my dinner quietly.

"Fara, are you okay?" Storm asked me as we were walking together back to our own tent. "Do you feel alright?" He stopped walking and touched my forehead, making sure that I wasn't sick.

I also stopped and let him feel my forehead.

"Of course," tipid na sabi ko.

"Are you sure?"

I heaved a sigh and nodded my head. "I'm going back to my tent now, b-bye," sabi ko at tinalikuran na siya. Ngunit nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako, hinigit na niya ang braso ko, kaya napatigil ako.

"Is there any problem?" he asked in a serious tone. He had a strong discernment so I didn't wonder anymore.

I closed my eyes, calming down myself before I opened my eyes and faced him again. I gave him a fake smile. "Yes, of course. Why?" I tried my best to act normal.

Mataman naman siyang tumingin sa akin, tila kinikilatis niya kung totoo ang sinabi ko. "You're not good at lying," aniya. Doon bumilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko. "Tell me, what's the matter? Do you want to sleep with me or you're mad at me because I left you alone in the tent earlier? I apologize for that."

He was trying to persuade me to open up, I know that. But there was no way for me to tell him what was the problem with me.

I bit my lower lip before replying, "I'm just sleepy and I want to sleep right away," I forced myself to smile.

I shouldn't be affected with those undeleted photos of him together with Demi. I was too shallow to get jealous with that kind of reason. Baka naman wala lang siyang time magbura ng past photos niya. Pero paano kung―ugh! Nakakainis 'tong mga naiisip ko.

Napabuntonghininga lang siya at tumango. "Ready your things. We'll go home tomorrow morning."

"Okay."

Doon na ako naglakad muli palayo.

When I entered our tent, I found Molly sleeping already. I lay down beside her and closed my eyes. I tried to throw off the undeleted photos in my mind but I really couldn't. Until I just felt my eyes become warm and tears began to stream down both sides of my face while my eyes remained closed.

What if ... he still loves Demi? I thought.