Loving a Believer

Chapter 1: Loving But Unloved

Warning: Unpleasant words.

It was mid-October and Las Vegas was already freezing. The cemetery was quiet - all I could hear was the cold wind and the chirps of the birds. The guests already left so I was alone in the place with the newly covered grave at my feet and the cold air that was brushing against my face.

I laid down on the grass and placed my hands at the back of my head, using it as a pillow to make myself comfortable. Now, I could see the birds flying in the sky and the sunset that looked more beautiful with its warm touch of faded scarlet light scattering across the clouds.

When I was young, my yaya told me about the heaven. She said it is the destination of a dead man. Some said it is a paradise. I didn't know if it was just an imagination of someone else, but if it was real, I wished my Mom was there, watching over me.

"Hi, Mom. Do you see me?" I said while looking at the sky. I didn't care if someone would hear me and think of me as a crazy person. I felt alone and I needed company - even if it would be someone... dead.

I felt a lump in my throat when I tried to swallow my saliva. My eyes were also getting warm.

"Why, Mom? I'm longing for the love and care of a mother. Why didn't you give those things to me when you were still alive?"

I knew she could not hear me, but I wanted to tell her everything I felt because until now the pain was still here in my heart.

"I did my best to be a good daughter, but y-you were always cold and distant." My voice broke and tears began to fall on my cheeks.

I sat up and wiped my tears away. I felt a bit of anger towards her but the love I had for her was enough to erase it.

Just then, I heard a voice coming from behind me.

"Condolence, Fara."

I turned my head to the person and the sides of my lips went up a little when I saw who it was.

"Kirby..." I uttered his name. He was my one and only bestfriend. Nakatayo siya sa likuran ko at tinatabunan ang sunset sa likuran niya kaya kailangan ko pang tumingala sa kaniya at paningkitan ng mga mata dahil sa liwanag ng palubog na araw. "I thought you won't come," malungkot na saad ko.

"That's impossible, dude," aniya bago siya umupo sa tabi ko at tinitigan din ang tombstone na kanina ko lamang din tinititigan.

Katahimikan ang namayani sa aming dalawa nang ilang saglit.

"She's already gone," mahinang sabi ko.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman sa pagkawala ng isang taong palagi kong kinasasabikan kahit na tila hangin lamang ako sa kanyang harapan. I lost my hope to find my purpose and value as a daughter.

"Nahuli na ba ang suspect?"

"I don't know. I only know one thing... It's my dad's fault." I clenched my fist and bared my teeth as anger filled my heart again.

"Siguro naman hindi rin gusto ni Tito Francis ang nangyari," pagtutol niya.

Napailing lang ako at itinuon muli ang atensyon ko sa puntod ni Mommy. Inangat ko ang kamay ko upang hawakan ang plaque na nagsisilbing palatandaan na nandito siya. Pinadaan ko ang mga daliri ko sa pangalan na nakaukit doon: Sara Curtis Oxford

I felt Kirby's arm wrapping around my shoulders. Nilingon ko siya at doon ko nakita ang pakikiramay sa mga mata niya. He knew my sorrow. Bahagya siyang ngumiti at hinaplos ang likod ko. "Stay strong, Fara," he said softly.