Loving a Believer

Chapter 2: Back to the Memories

F A R A

Kuya Tyler took my plate and got me some food before handing it back to me. I just stared at the chicken barbecue.

"We're leaving tomorrow," he said.

I didn't react. I knew he wanted to bring me back to Mom's home country. I always refused but he kept on convincing me.

I began to eat but after a few half-spoon serve to my mouth, I stood up. Kuya Tyler's brows met as he watched my every action.

"Finish your food," he said.

"Matutulog na ako," I said and began to walk into my room.

"Fara!"

Tinawag niya ako ulit pero tuloy-tuloy lang akong pumasok sa k'warto ko. Sumubsob ako sa kama at pinikit ang mga mata ko.

Ayaw ko...

Ayaw kong umuwi ng Pilipinas...

I wasn't ready to reminisce all my memories with my ex-husband. I was so sure he was already happy with his life. I didn't want him to see me miserable like this...

It was already evening when I heard the door creak open. It was Kuya Tyler holding a glass of water. He sat on the edge of the bed. "Take your medicine, Fara."

Nanlamig ang mga kamay ko dahil sa sinabi niya. I didn't mind him and just closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep, but he shook me.

"Fara, please, don't make me force you to take this."

"I don't wanna take that medicine again!"

"No, you have to take this!" he persisted, sounded angry.

"I-I don't want to..." I said as I started to sob.

Hinila niya ako paupo. He was strong kaya wala akong nagawa kun'di ang magpatianod at sumandal na lamang sa headboard ng kama.

"Take this," madiin na sabi niya.

I shook my head repeatedly while I choke on my sobs. My body was quivering in fear. I was afraid of what the side effect of that medicine could do to me. Parang mababaliw ako.

I looked at him, pleading with my eyes, trying to convince him not to force that medicine on me. All I saw was pity in his eyes.

"Please, t-take this, Fara." His voice broke. Nilapit niya sa akin ang gamot na nasa palad niya. "You have to take this. I want you to recover from this. I don't wanna see like this anymore. It hurts to see my sister suffering," he said.

He was already breaking apart, I could see that, which made me break down in tears. I felt bad for making him do this for me. Pati siya nadadamay sa pagkamiserable ng buhay ko. I never wanted this to happen.

That night, I lost my mind. I came to the point that I couldn't sleep at night and didn't have appetite for food for almost a week. Kuya Tyler visited me, unannounced, and he found me almost going insane in my room, looking at him blankly. It didn't long for him to decide that I needed a psychiatrist.

Because of my conscience, I decided to take the medicine in his hand. I couldn't even hold it well between my fingers because of my hands terribly shaking.

I saw relief on my brother's face as he handed me a glass of water. 

Nakapikit na sinubo ko ang gamot at mabilis na uminom ng tubig. I wiped my wet lips through the back of my hand and then handed him the glass before I lay down again on the bed.

A few minutes later, I felt the terrifying side effect of the medicine. I grabbed Kuya Tyler's hand as my eyes flew wide open. He looked alarmed but I couldn't care less. I felt an intensifying throb in my head that made me groan. It was the reason why I didn't want to take this medicine again. But then, it was the only way to make me fall asleep at night.