Loving a Believer

Chapter 9: Confession

F A R A

Storm went out of the room to get the first aid kit. I lay down on the bed before he came back. We were just silent as he cured my wound.

"Don't do this again," he said in a low voice.

I turned my gaze on him and saw tears from the sides of his eyes. I swallowed and quickly looked away.

Did he cry? I thought. But why would he?

Pinagmasdan ko na lamang ang napakalakas na pagbuhos ng ulan sa bintana habang pinakikiramdaman ang pagkirot ng sugat ko dahil sa pagpulupot niya ng gauze. Hindi man lang ako pumiksi dahil sa sakit. This physical pain did not even beat half of the pain in my life.

"Am I worthless?" I decided to ask him. I turned my gaze on him to see his reaction.

He didn't answer.

"Why do I have this life? It doesn't make sense anymore..." I added. I didn't dare hide the exhaustion and emptiness that I felt in this kind of life that I had.

"I don't know either," he said. "I can no longer understand my life, too."

I did not expect his reply. He really did change a lot...

I didn't know how to respond so I just took a deep breath, and paused for a moment. I decided to ask the question that bugged me for days... maybe, years.

"Am I hard to love, Storm?"

Why couldn't my mom love me? Why couldn't my own family stay beside me? Why was it so easy to replace me? And why couldn't Storm love me?

"Kung mahirap kang mahalin, marahil... wala ako sa harapan mo ngayon."

My mind suddenly halted everything, even my senses slowed down as it processed his answer. My brows furrowed a bit as I looked at him in disbelief and confusion.

"W-what do you mean?" I asked.

"I love you, Fara," he said softly, looking at me straight into my eyes.

Earlier my senses had slowed down, but now, my heart seemed to jump at a new height and started beating at a faster pace. I've been waiting for this. I've been imagining, hoping for Storm to reciprocate my feelings. But...

"Liar," I uttered.

His eyes widened a bit as he stared at me. He looked stunned and, maybe, in disbelief at my response.

But my mind knew he was just lying. I knew he was lying! He was just trying to encourage me to fight for this d*mn life.

Binawi ko ang kamay ko na hawak-hawak niya at galit na tiningnan siya.

"Love is different from pity!" I pointed out.

Tumagilid ako ng higa para talikuran siya. Doon nagsimulang tumulo ang mga luha ko.

How could he play with my heart like that? I wasn't a fool to believe him! He was still meeting with Demi, so it was impossible that he loved me. It was pretty clear to me when he told his mother he couldn't love anyone else as much as he loved Demi.

Did he decide to love me back because he thought it would make me happy? He was wrong! I would never be happy with love that was forced and out of pity. I never wanted a pretentious love.

Pinakiramdaman ko siya pero wala na akong muling narinig na salita mula sa kaniya.

Kalauna'y naramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya sa ulo ko, pero tinabig ko ang kamay niya.