Loving a Believer

Chapter 9: Confession

"Don't touch me!" I yelled and quickly covered my whole body with my blanket.

***

S T O R M

Ryan interviewed Fara, but she rarely talked. Most of the time, she was not answering to his questions. Makikita ang pagkabagot sa kaniyang mukha at visible din sa kaniyang ekspresyon na ayaw niyang pumunta rito at humarap sa isang psychiatrist.

"I'm worried about the status of your wife's mind. There's a high possibility that she's losing her mind," he told me in a hushed voice after he talked to Fara.

"W-what will happen then?"

"I will still give receipts for her medicines. She will still experience some side effects but this medication that I will give is safe and effective. Just make sure she's taking the medicines regularly. It must be non-stop. Kapag naitigil 'yon, babalik siya sa dati or baka mas lumala pa siya."

Binaling ko ang tingin ko kay Fara na nakaupo sa may waiting area. She was just staring at somewhere else. I heaved a sigh and brought my attention back to Ryan.

We were already in the car and I was already driving when she finally spoke up. "I don't want to visit doctors anymore."

"Fara," I objected.

"D*mn those psychiatrists. They don't know what I feel."

"How would they know if you're not telling them what you feel?" pagbabalik-tanong ko sa kaniya.

Hindi na siya muling nagsalita at ibinalik sa labas ang tingin.

"You have to take your medicines regularly," I reminded her. "'Wag mo nang gagawin ulit ang ginawa mo."

Hindi siya muling sumagot ngunit narinig ko ang paghikbi niya. I tried to ignore her cries but I couldn't. Hearing her crying just made my chest heavy. Kaya unti-unti kong binagal ang takbo ng sasakyan ko at hininto ito sa gilid ng daan. Hinarap ko siya na ngayon ay nakayuko at umiiyak.

"Listen, Fara. What we're doing is for your―"

Galit na hinarap niya ako at pinutol ang sasabihin ko. "I want to end this! I wanna die right now!"

I leaned back to my seat and closed my eyes. Hearing her say something about dying made my heart race in annoyance. Death... That's what she wanted? To escape through death and leave me?

Hindi ko na natiis ang inis na nararamdaman ko kaya napahampas ako sa manibela. Huminga ako nang malalim at kalaunan ay muli ko siyang binalingan ng tingin.

"Don't ever say that again!" tanging nasabi ko na lamang bago pinaandar muli ang sasakyan.

Mula noon ay hindi na kami nag-imikan pa. Kinaumagahan ay dinalhan ko siya ng pagkain sa kaniyang kuwarto. She was lying on her bed but she was already wide awake.

"Here's your breakfast," I told her.

Nang lumingon siya sa akin, kitang-kita ko ang pangingitim ng gilid ng mga mata niya. "I don't want to eat," she said.

I wanted to be angry but I tried to understand her. My patience was always being tested by Fara and I don't want to give in.

"You need to take your medicine."

Bumangon siya at umupo sa gilid ng kama. Inabot ko sa kaniya ang tray na hawak-hawak ko ngunit hindi siya kumilos. Nanatili lamang siyang nakatingala sa akin.