Loving a Believer

Chapter 5: Expectation VS. Reality

We went to the second floor of the church and entered the children's room with Lolo Isko, the caretaker of the church. I suddenly felt nervous about what she would say.

"The leaders of the church, especially Pastor alvin, are currently facing your issue about your marriage," she started as we stood, facing each other.

"I thought this is already settled? I already explained myself and I've undergone disciplinary action, right?"

She shook her head. "Yes, sa local church natin, they understand you. Ang problema,  kumalat ang issue sa ibang churches ang tungkol dito. Nagsimula ang issue noong magpreach ka sa youth camp at nalaman nila na kasal ka na pala. And we don't know kung paano nila nalaman na hindi naniniwala si Fara sa Diyos. And now, they are questioning Pastor Alvin. They were asking why he allowed you to marry an unbeliever when you were already known as an anointed man of God and an evangelist."

Natahimik ako. Deep inside I felt disappointed because when I apologized to the church, Pastor Alvin requested to not spread the issue for the peace of the church. However, we were not sure if one of the church members outspread Fara's atheistic belief. I honestly didn't know what to do now.

"We understand you, Storm. Pero dahil hindi nilabas ng church ang buong reason mo, kulang ang information na nasagap ng ibang church. What they only know is that, it's an arranged marriage, you married an unbeliever."

But I knew even if they know the whole story, some would still criticize me for not fighting for what I believe and preach.

I knew I already repented of it, but the consequences of this sin were making my life complicated. Sumabay pa ang pagka-busy ko sa trabaho kaya maging ang pag-handle ko ng Bible study, napapabayaan na. Hindi ako makabawi sa mga pagkukulang at pagkakamali ko.

I massaged the bridge of my nose. Sumasakit ang ulo ko dahil sa pressure na nararamdaman ko. "A-about Fara, I'm trying my best."

"The problem is you're currently leading the music ministry and also standing in the pulpit."

"I know..."

"I'm sorry, Storm, for telling you this. Ako muna ang kumausap sa 'yo kasi ayaw kong mabigla ka. At gusto ko na maging matatag ka sa bagay na 'to. Napag-usapan kasi ng mga leaders na..."

Christy pursed her lips as she looked away from me. It was clear that she didn't know if she would finish her sentence or not. But I knew it. I knew what they wanted me to do.

"I-ito lang kasi ang tanging way na alam nila para hindi masira ang church. Hanggat di pa naaayos ang issue, lalo na ang issue about sa belief ni Fara..." malungkot na saad niya.

"If that's what they want, let it be," I said in a serious tone.

I felt a lump in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. Giving up my ministry was one of the most painful parts of my life. I never imagined letting it go.

"Storm..."

"T-they are right. I'm not qualified to preach," I said with bitterness.

"We can still settle this." she pleaded as she stared right into my eyes.

I shook my head. "This issue will be settled if I break our marriage... but that can't be. And I don't hold Fara's heart and mind to make her believe in God. T-that's why I'm praying for a miracle..."