The Diary of a depressed nation

November 12

Dear Diary,

So at the meeting I left for a minute to go and answer a call from Texas about the west coast and the east coast states fighting about something. I don't even remember what it was, but it was super unimportant. Anyway so I settled that and the countries were looking at me weird because I was shouting at someone over the phone, and they could probably hear the fighting on the other side, and that's enough to make anyone look at you weird, so before I could even try to come up with an excuse without revealing the existence of the states, Canada stands and puts something on the table, points at me, and says "We need to talk." So I smile and ask him why, you know, then I notice that what he had was you. I thought that you were tucked into the backpack-like thing that I bring to the meetings, but I guess you must have been sticking out or something, I don't know.

So there I was, all of the rest of the countries looked incredibly confused while Canada started walking towards me, book in hand, and I was fucking terrified. Like, what do you even do when your brother had just read the book of all of your secrets and is now about to confront you about them in front of everyone you know. It is a god-awful feeling, let me tell you. In my dazed and terrified state, I did the only thing that I could think to do: run and hide. So I did.

I am fast, incredibly fast if I need to be. And I needed to be, so I was. I sprinted throughout the entire building looking for a good enough hiding spot. Thank god this meeting building was built like a god damn maze, and I knew my way around it. I helped design it, after all.

I ended up in a small storage room towards the top floor of the 12-story building in about two minutes after sprinting the stairs and running around the floor for a while. See? Fast.

I sat in that room crying and trying to pull myself together, but failing. It didn't help any that I didn hear anything. That, to me, meant that either 1) no one cared enough to come after me or 2) he was telling the whole meeting room about how terrible of a country I am. Worse case scenario was he was reading it to the whole group and they would all know everything that I've ever tried to hide from them.

Just in case this was what was happening, I went down a few floors and jumped out the window. Landing hurt, but it wasn't that bad; it didn't kill me and I was already healed from it. So I ran to my car and drove off, going to the only place that I could feel away from it all: the airfield.

My planes are kept pretty close to my house in case of emergencies like this. I got into the oldest one, which was the one that I flew in during WWII. It tends to be the best for things like this. It brings back a lot of memories, but it also lets me forget the ones that I have now.

I flew for quite a long time before I knew that I needed to go back down again. I didn't refuel beforehand like I always do, so the tank was really low when I started my flight. I decided crashing this plane would be pretty bad and landed so I could fuel it back up for next time and maybe go drink a bunch, which I ended up doing.

[this is a quick excursion from format. this isn't written in the diary, but I feel that it is important for you to know.]

Canada stood, staring, as his brother bolted from the meeting room and down the hall. Well, there's no hope for catching up to him now, he thought. His brother had always been a faster runner than him, but he could skate circles around Alfred, so they were even. Canada sighed and started jogging down the hall after his brother, trying to follow the footsteps that were quickly getting quieter with every second that passed.

Matthew heard footsteps behind him, and he turned to face the followers. He saw that England, France, Japan, and Russia had all left the room and were following him out.

"What the bloody hell was that all about?" the brit asked angrily. France touch his shoulder and held him back while Japan went to find him and Russia started talking to Matthew about what was going on.

"Matthew, what was it that made Fredka leave like that? I've never seen him run from someone like that. He always just faces his problems."

"Yes, Mattheu. Why did he run from you?" his father asked, concerned. Matthew held up the book.

"This."

-----

"...Why didn't he tell us about this?" the Frenchman asked, looking very worried for his other son.

"I don't know. He told me most of it, but there's still stuff in here that I didn't know, and probably no one else does either."

Just then, Japan walked up to the group. "He's not in the building."

"I think I know where he is," Russia said, grabbing the book and turning, leaving the building with Canada in tow.

[back to diary format]

But before I did that, when I went to leave the hangar, I saw Russia and my brother running up to me. I didn't do anything because I was surprised that they had found me here, and that Russia was there, too. So I stood like an idiot watching them come to a stop in front of me. I may have had a million emotion running through my head, but my face showed none of them.

I asked my brother if he had enjoyed telling everyone all about every insecurity I've ever had and crossed my arms before Ivan handed me my book back, which I took rather forcefully, though I didn't need to. Then, to my utter surprise, he hugged me. Like, really nicely, I guess I would describe it. It was different feeling than hugs with my brother were. My brother just stood behind him, and I noticed that he was crying, ever so slightly, so I hugged him, too.

He told me that he had read it to England, Russia, and France. Well, so much for keeping the states a secret. Oh, and he just left the other two there to tell everyone whatever they wanted. I can't do that again. I can't go back there and face those people. I have to tell the states that their existence was revealed to the countries, but I don't know how.

So now me and Russia are at my house. I'm trying to brush the whole thing off, but I can't. Russia is just sort of listening to whatever I have to say while we drink coffee. Under different circumstances, this would be perfect, but I think that I just fucked up as much as I possibly could, and now he must think that I have too many problems to deal with. Maybe he'll go back to hating me and everything that I am. Maybe it would be easier that way. But for some reason he's still here, still listening, still just being something that I can touch and talk to.

Canada went back to the meeting to clear some things and make sure France and England don't say too much or mention the states. England will want to meet his, probably. France, too. I don't really want to introduce them, though. I think that some of the New England states might try to kill him or something.

I don't know why I even bother writing in you anymore now that everyone knows my secrets. Maybe it's just become a habit? I don't know, but I'll write in you anyway. I just have to be more careful about hiding you.

This entry has been long enough, so I'm going to go and drink my coffee and wait for news from Canada.

Goodbye

-this sorry excuse for a country

~*~*~*~*~*~

so I'm going to change the cover of this book because I found something that would fit it a little better

long chapter and feels is what you get when I have time to actually write something decent

Also special shout out to CrazyButterLoverSky for this chapter's plot