The Diary of a depressed nation

November 7

Countdown to the elections: 1 day

Dear Diary

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod so much anxiety it's not even funny. Like, what happens if whichever douche becomes president tries to declare war on someone? What do we even do? We have our own god damn problems to deal with! We don't need new ones!

But lets cut away from the politics and shit for a second. I've been playing with the states and making sure no one kills someone or blows something up(again), and apparently Illinois can talk to deer or some shit, because there were a bunch of them out in the back yard, and she just WALKED UP TO THEM ALL CASUAL LIKE and I just... oh my god.

Oh and Alaska somehow smuggled a polar bear down here to Maryland, while Florida just sort of has alligators follow him around all the time...? Not sure what happened.

West Virginia pushed Virginia down the stairs, the Dakotas blew something up A-FUCKING-GAIN, and the west coast had been walking around outside trying to find the old watering hole because the pond down the road isn't good enough for fishing or something. The gulf states(and Idaho) have been cooking all day, and the Midwests have disappeared into the woods and haven't come back yet. They took Montana and Colorado with them. The Northeasts have been down in the basement reading and playing videogames with the younger states, while Maine plays chess with a chess-obsessed Alaska. She really really wants to be able to be her other dad. Of course, she'll probably never be better than me! But who knows, she might just.

I'm really glad that no one has come over today but Canada. OH YEA so Canada came over and it was like someone let out a herd of ravenous lions or something and they were all over him. Poor Mattie. He looked so overwhelmed and flustered and it was the cutest thing! It's okay to call my brother cute, right? Well I'm going to do it anyway.

I've been so busy for the past while that I haven't had enough time to think about myself and all of my imperfections or hear my hateful voice in my head. For this I thank the states.

Oh right and the World Meeting... Well, I haven't come up with many good ideas or happenings to propose, so I think I'll either stay quiet, or be the overly-obnoxious America that they all know and hate. What do you think I should do...?

I really need to sleep more. It's starting to get taxing. Ya know, some people wonder why I actually stay in pretty good shape, but it's really because chasing after the states and keeping up with the latest advancements in everything takes a lot of work. True story.

There's the screaming I've been waiting for! I'll be back to talk tomorrow, okay?

-Alfred