Divorced and Learning to Trust

Chapter Twenty-Seven

So today was the I got my first round of injections and I really didn't know how I felt. It wasn't really a gruesome process but it did keep a reminder that I couldn't have children the normal way over my head. The doctor said I could do the rest of my injections at home since he had shown us what to do. So until further notice I was going to be stuck with a needle every day. I know I said I wanted to do this but now I was starting to have second thoughts. I wanted all of this to just be over with already.

"You okay over there?"

"Okay as I can be." I know I should be happy that there is a chance I can get pregnant but going through daily injections kind of make it hard. I felt like a science experiment waiting to go wrong.

"We will get through this, I promise."

"I know." Soon as we got home I headed straight for the bedroom. I just didn't feel like dealing with anything right now. I just felt like nothing. I began to take off my clothes preparing to meet my comfortable sheets. Soon as my body hit them I felt safe.

"I know you're not okay," Cordell had come in and sat on the bed. "I thought we had gone over this, you said you wanted this."

"I do, I just need some time alone right now Cordell. This all too overwhelming; I never thought I would be in this situation and now I am and I don't know what to do. I hate needles but yet I have to face one every day just to have a child. Then what when I want another one we do this over again?"

"If that's what we have to do, then yes."

"Easy for you to say, you aren't the one getting stuck with a needle like some experiment." Instead of saying anything he just stared at me like he was trying to read me. I hated when he did this. "I'm going to go to my office to do some work I will come back and check on you later." He got up and left without another word. Great now he is mad at me. I decided that I would just take a nap and maybe I would feel better.

I woke up to a song playing and someone singing along as they bounced up and down on the bed. At first I thought I was dreaming until I heard Sapphire's voice. I turned over to see her under the covers staring at the TV. "Lady bug what are you doing in here?"

"Daddy said you weren't feeling well so I decided to come up here and be with you."

"That's sweet lady bug, you didn't have to do that for me."

"You did it for me when I was sick so now it's my turn." I pulled her to me, "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"I love you too mommy."

Just then the door opened and in came Cordell. "I see you are awake."

"Yea I needed that nap."

"Good cause your mom is downstairs."

"Why is my mom here?"

"The family dinner you promised her." Oh crap! "With everything happening I totally forgot about that."

"I can tell her to come back another time if you aren't up for it?"

"No, I told her today so today it shall be." He nodded then looked down at the floor like he was nervous or something. "Hey lady bug will you go keep our guest company while daddy and I get ready?"

"Sure I will show them my toys!" she jumped out of bed and ran out the room leaving just me and him. I knew I shouldn't have snapped on him like that earlier but all of this is stressful. I got out of bed and closed the door so we could have some privacy. "I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. I know you were just trying to help and I shut you out." He still didn't say anything but just sat on the bed with his head in his hands.