Chapter Thirty-Five

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"What does it say?"

"It doesn't say anything yet since it hasn't been enough time." I leaned up against the sink as my mind reeled with thoughts. I was so sick of doing this. I just wanted this shit to be over with already. Every time we did this, we were disappointed so why keep doing this.

The timer went off letting us know it was time to look. I took a deep breath and stood up. I didn't want to look since I already knew the answer. When I did look, it was exactly what I thought. "So?"

"It's negative just like always." I threw the test in the trash and walked out. I was so over doing this. Every day I was getting stuck with a damn needle and it was getting us nowhere. I know I wanted a child but at this point I just couldn't take it. I was exhausted. My heart couldn't take anymore rejection.

"Just calm down and we will keep trying until we get it right."

"Get what right Cordell? My eggs don't want me to have children so at this point I am done trying."

"So you're just going to give up on us having children just like that?"

"Cordell you have no idea what it's like to be stuck with a needle every day because your body has failed you! Then on top of that, you do everything you are supposed to only to get rejected over and over! So tell me what's the point?!"

"The point is so we can have a child!"

"Maybe we aren't meant to have a child!" the minute the words left my mouth his face changed. I could tell I made him angry but I couldn't change how I felt. I was so frustrated that I was thinking maybe we weren't meant to have a child. Of course I still wanted children but after months of nothing I was starting to think otherwise.

He grabbed his things and stormed out. I knew he was beyond mad now. I didn't want to make him mad but I couldn't change how things were going.

Since I wasn't feeling up to it I decided not to go to work. I was not in a state to where I could deal with people; I just needed to be alone. I got dressed in some black tights with a huge t-shirt. Once I made breakfast and worked on the fall line.

I had to go over the designs submitted and pick the ones that would look good for the line. Honestly all of them were great but I needed something that would stand out. This was life or death for me so I needed everything to perfect. We had the top designers submitting their work to be picked for this but I needed the right one for this line. I needed the perfect designer for this project. The only problem was I didn't know who to choose.

By the time I had narrowed down what I wanted I was beyond tired. The only thing was I wasn't tired from working but from the guilt of the fight Cordell and I had. I went too far with my frustration and now it may be too late. I couldn't believe I had said that. Of course I still wanted to have children I was just tired of not getting the results I wanted. I wanted one of those tests to just say I was pregnant already.

To make things better I decided to make his special dinner to make up for the things I said. I wanted him to know that I was still committed to him and to us. Honestly I wanted to just drive to his job and make things right but I didn't want his workers to hear us have a fight.

I got up and went to prepare the steak to put in the oven so they could cook slowly in the oven. Just as I was about to go take a nap someone knocked on the door. "Hey Conrad."

"There is my favorite daughter in law." He pulled me into a hug. Recently Conrad and I have been getting to know each other better. I didn't want Cordell to ever think he had to give up his family for me. Even though we started off on the wrong foot, I wanted to give our relationship a chance. He had the potential to be the dad I never had so I was up for anything. "How you been Conrad?"

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