My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 227

Josh just starts to chuckle, leaning back against his car and smiling at me before he looks down at the keys in his hands.

"Are you busy right now?" He asks, my head shaking almost fucking instantly. "Can I take you somewhere? I want to show you something."

He was looking ultra cool but there's a tiny flicker of doubt in his tone when he asks, one I wish I could just erase.

This isn't how I thought this was going to go... After last night I thought he'd still be so fucking angry at me but he's just... not. He doesn't even look like he's afraid to be near me anymore. Last night he was so fucking broken that it ruined me but now he just looks... lighter.

He just stares at me and I realise I didn't actually fucking answer him.

You can take me anywhere Josh. I'd go to the ends of the fucking earth with you.

I nod, I don't trust my words not to come out as the broken fucking English of a scratched DVD. He gestures towards his car, slipping into the driver's seat but never taking his eyes off me as if he's afraid I'm going to run away, until I'm in the passenger seat next to him.

Fucking hell, the smell of him is so strong in here. I feel like I'm buried back against his chest whilst wrapped up in a blanket all over again.

How is he so calm? His hand comes to the back of my seat as he turns around whilst reversing out of the driveway and even having him that close is making my head fucking spin.

What the fuck is going on here? Last night he basically said that I'm the worst thing that ever happened to him, this morning I'm ready to leave this place and never come back, now I'm in his car going on a fucking mystery trip?

How does he do this to me? And why am I never scared when he does?

I don't say a word to him, trying to make myself as small as fucking possible in this seat, if I sat comfortably I would definitely be fucking touching him so I just can't do that.

"Where are we going?" I ask finally as we turn out of the main part of town towards the coast.

"It's a surprise." Stop smiling like that Josh. You have to stop fucking smiling like that... All it does is make me look at your fucking lips.

I try to focus on anything else but the hundred questions I really want to fucking ask him right now. Following the view outside as we drive along the edge of the ever receding sea.

"Miles... I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have dumped all that shit on you, it wasn't fair. If I'm perfectly honest I don't think that it was even all about you. I haven't been great at letting myself feel everything the way I should for a while and I think it just all got a bit... much." He keeps his voice calm, but there's guilt there too as he squeezes his hands tightly on the wheel and takes a left turn down one of the slip roads.

"You have nothing to apologise for Josh, nothing you said wasn't true. I have caused you so much pain, it's understandable that you'd want to distance yourself from that before I make your life even harder than I already have." It all became very clear last night.

Josh breathes deeply, his hands so tight on the wheel that his knuckles are turning white.

"Don't say that Miles, please don't fucking say that." He's angry again but it doesn't feel like it's directed at me anymore, I think it's directed at himself. "I... What I said last night, I said without knowing all the facts. I was feeling like shit about hurting Xade but that has nothing to do with you, I started hurting him the day I let him believe I could offer him the future he deserved, that was long before you turned up again... I don't want you to feel responsible for any of that. I've been holding onto shit for so long... Anger and pain it turns out I didn't need too... then I spoke to Jayce and-"