My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 60

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Sitting on my bed I wait to hear May's footsteps coming up the stairs. I really hate there being tension between us, so we need to talk.

As I make it to the door I find she's already there waiting, a plate of brownies in her hand. She hates this as much as I do.

"Your room or mine?"

I step back and let her come in, she doesn't hesitate before pulling back those sheets and getting all the way into the bed. She's probably fucking freezing standing outside for so long dressed like that, she'd be a lot fucking warmer if she actually decided to wear clothes instead of the scraps of fabric that currently fill her wardrobe.

I kick off my shoes but when I go to remove the hoodie I'm hit with the scent of Josh that still lingers on the cotton. Fuck, no part of me can bring myself to remove it now. I'll have it on all fucking week.

May breaks one of the brownies in half, but instead of offering me one side she just drops it straight back onto the plate. Okay, she's definitely still mad.

"I didn't mean to upset you, you know that right?" She nods, but doesn't look back up to meet my view. "I just don't understand why you would let yourself be with someone who talks to you like that may? And you kept it a secret from me, we don't do that."

"He's not always like that." She mumbles, breaking the other half of the brownie into quarters and placing one between her lips. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I knew you'd judge him straight away and disapprove... When he's not around the other guys he's actually really sweet. He has to be like that around them though, it's a reputation thing, you wouldn't understand."

"Yeah I guess I wouldn't, I've never been part of a fucking gang." I scoff, reaching over and taking one of the brownie pieces as she tries to slap my hand away. "You shouldn't be around people like that May, you know that, no matter how sweet he is when you guys are alone he's still part of a dangerous world that you shouldn't be inserting yourself into."

She lets the plate slip from her lap as she leans back against the headboard and looks out of the open window. I don't think I've seen her look this upset and vulnerable since I had to hold her every night to get her to sleep after Granny died.

"It's not that simple Milo. I think you forget that I'm not from this part of town, being with those guys feels... authentic. Granny was never afraid of them, she said that most of them were just misunderstood and needed someone to believe in them." She turns back to face me and I can see now how truly tired she looks, what has this guy done to her? She looks like she hasn't slept all week. "I know he can be a good person, I think he just needs somebody to stand by him for once."

In some ways she's right, Granny was never afraid of anyone and she never blamed a kid for the situation they found themselves in against their will, but this isn't that kind of situation - This guy is fucking 18, he knows exactly what world he's in and he's trying to drag my little sister down with him.

"Some people can't be fixed, May it's not your responsibility to fix someone like him." I reach over and take her tiny hand in mine, it's moments like this that I remember no matter how strong she is, she's still just a little girl, she doesn't see the world I see yet. "A man that age who has no issues being with a girl your age May, that tells me everything I need to know about him. I know how fucking strong you are, I'd back you every single fucking time in any fight, but if the roles were reversed and it was me bringing home a girl like Hope and doing God knows what with her, what would you think of me?"

She lets out a deep breath, popping another brownie into her mouth and contemplating my words as she turns back to facing the rest of the room.

"I'd want to smash your fucking head in for touching her..." Exactly. "We haven't actually, you know, just in case you're worried about that." I'd be lying if I said that hearing that wasn't a fucking relief, but I have no doubts that this guy has plans to take one of the only things this girl has left to give, I won't let that happen.

We sit in silence for a bit, my hand never leaving hers so she knows that as soon as she's ready I'm here for her. For a really long time the only thing me and May had was each other, we both just felt like these lost pieces, spare parts, that nobody else had a use for.

"He doesn't make me feel like a kid Milo. I'm better with him, all the pain goes away, he doesn't see me as broken. I know that doesn't make it right but it's really fucking nice to be with someone who sees you for what you feel you are rather than who you used to be."

My heart sinks into my stomach, I know exactly how that feels and a part of me feels cruel for wanting to rob her of that sense of freedom, but this guy is no fucking good for her.

"You'll find that again May, but with someone who actually fucking deserves you. I need you to stay away from that guy, okay? I know it is hard when you feel so strongly about someone but-"

"Jesus Christ Milo, am I the girl here or are you? I'm not in love with the guy! You know I don't even believe in that bullshit, I thought after everything we both agreed that we were never going to be stupid enough to let ourselves fall in love with someone unless we knew that they were the one."

Yeah, that's exactly what we agreed... but what do you do if you can feel yourself falling into the unknown with someone that could actually be that one?

"How do you think we'll know they're the one if we never let ourselves fall for them May?"

She seems to ponder on her answer, moving her hand out of mine and rubbing the fabric of my hoodie sleeve between her fingers. This might be the longest I've actually seen May sit without fidgeting with something. Her ADHD makes conversations like this difficult for her to concentrate.

A smile crosses her face as she seems to have her Eureka moment.

"Remember last year when your mum, Leah and Brie got really drunk at Christmas on that Brandy sauce that they didn't realise they needed to dilute before adding it to the cake?" I laugh at the memory of me and Dad attempting to get them all to bed safely, Steve in fits of giggles as Brie repeatedly told my father how much she used to dream about him back when she was a teenager and how he was still the most 'bangable' dad she knew. I think Jayce was offended.

"Yeah, it was kind of hard to forget."

May chuckles. "Well before they got to the point of incoherence they were all talking in the kitchen, Elizabeth was on video chat from the Alps and the four of them were talking about how they knew their guy's were the right one for them. All those stories were different, totally different circumstances and totally different guys but one thing was absolute. They knew they were the one when they pictured themselves old and grey, sitting on a rocking chair on their porch and knew the person they wanted sitting on the one next to them was the guy they couldn't imagine growing old without. It's the rocking chair test, they pass it and you know they're the one for you."

I've never really been one to look into the future, I'm bad enough at trying to figure out what I'll do next week never mind next year. I know I want to go to college, play ball, make everybody fucking proud of me.

Beyond that though...

"You're really not going to be okay with me and him are you?" I shake my head at her, I could never be okay with it.

She goes back to looking out the window, biting her lip like she's hesitating with the words coming out of her mouth. "Diego doesn't pass the rocking chair test, I promise I'll stay away now."

I smile, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her into me so I can kiss the top of her monstrous curls. To be honest she doesn't sound entirely convincing but I trust her, this is the first time she's ever lied to me about anything and look what happened, she wouldn't do that again.

She shoves me off quickly, she's never been one for much physical affection but I know deep down she loves it really. "What about you? That seat next to you still empty?"

Oh god...

Closing my eyes, I lean back against the headboard and try to picture where I'll end up one day. The image is blurry at best, I can smell the ocean and hear the wood of the deck creaking, but as I let my hand fall to the side I feel it taken by another...

... I know that hand.

"No," I smile, "It's not empty anymore."

We both smile, finishing off our brownies quietly before I suddenly remember something from earlier.

"May, can you do me a favour?"

She nods, shovelling the last of the brownies into her mouth. "Sure, shoot."

"Can you teach me how to make pancakes?"

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