The Odd Doctor Out | A Drama | S. 2

323 🩺 The Grand Realisation x 2

Yunho collapsed into bed, freshly showered, and feeling far less wound up than throughout the night. With the pain of having restrained himself from doing impure things all night slowly wearing off, he sunk into his bed, and pulled the covers up over his shoulders.

Closing his eyes, for the first time through his ordeal, he felt level minded - not blinded by a lust that had swooped in out of nowhere and taken over his body.

With his newfound clarity, he found himself thinking about what Wooyoung had mentioned about anatomy and physiology, and how he'd become flustered and wrought with hormones that were painting an otherwise sweet memory, as something far more than that...

At the time, it had put him at ease. It appealed to the scientific side of his brain - the side that he understood. "Growing up" and "flustered first encounters" were things he could understand. They stimulated his medulla oblongata to create hormones which in turn affected the according organs.

That made sense in his head.

But suddenly, Yunho found himself wondering...

You have kissed him... Again and again...

You held his hand, and you rested your head on his shoulder...

You have done all these things, that you see couples doing around you and in movies...

... Aren't they the things that you do, when you want to be with them...?

He felt his heart flutter with that familiar, and now welcomed sweet butterfly feeling as he thought about the boy. Since accepting whilst talking to San at the bar that if all of the signs pointed that way, then he probably did like Mingi, it had somehow become a loose fact in his mind. It explained the way he was acting, and the way he was constantly finding Mingi in his thoughts...

But after his wake up call last night and this morning...

Reality was knocking once more, and suddenly, he was being faced with a brand new question.

If relationships are aimed at forever, and the human mind naturally craves intimacy with that one person...

... Can I do that...?

With a man...?

Yunho felt that terrified feeling bubble up from within him - a feeling he hadn't seen in a while, and wasn't particularly too stoked to see again. But it was a feeling he was going to have to face.

Kissing someone, was very different, to sleeping with someone.

And it all came down to the question of the century. It seemed like a question that he should have asked from the beginning...

Which "bits," to use San's choice words, was he attracted to?

He'd seen plenty of bits in his life. He'd even touched plenty of bits. And with nearly seven years of medically examining people's more private areas, it wasn't like he'd never seen or touched breasts, or a penis other than his own.

But the workplace, was very different to the bedroom, and evidently, as he was left laying in bed pondering the question, he couldn't believe that he'd never noticed before...

Which bits was he attracted to?

He'd never thought about it. He'd never asked himself.

Sure, he knew he was supposed to feel things when he saw a woman's cleavage poking out from her shirt, or the curve of her waist...

But when he was alone at night and hot under the sheets, breasts, weren't what he was thinking about.

Yunho's eyes opened, realising how strange it was that his entire life, never once, had he envisioned anyone whilst touching himself. Frowning, he thought back to the time he was only a very young boy and had embarrassingly discovered that drying himself with his towel had felt good.

Admittedly, it wasn't a moment he was very proud of, nor one he actively made a habit of revisiting.

But now...

Yunho glanced down over the blankets to roughly where his hips were and frowned.

From that moment with the towel forth, all of his sensuous fantasies had consisted of the feeling of touching himself. From the moment he'd learned that someone else could touch him, not only with their hands, but with other things too, like their lips, his fantasies had consisted of his imagination of what it would feel like to have someone else touch him...

Of course habits tend to become permanent, and practising what he knew and was familiar with had become what he had done, all the way into his adult years.

And never once, had he ever, imagined sex, with a single person...

More namely, a girl...

Or a boy.

Startled by his accidental discovery, Yunho suddenly found himself wondering what other people thought about when they were hot and flustered. Did they think about specific people? Did they imagine a still image of someone's body? Did they imagine their ideal type?

What is my ideal type? he wondered, staring up at the bright ceiling above him.

He wasn't in the least surprised as he came up with the answer I don't know.

God. How am I so hopeless?

He cringed, thinking about just how many things he didn't know. Hell, he'd stared down his phone in the bathroom, open on the main homepage of PornHub, and had absolutely no idea what to do then either.

Sure, he'd seen porn before. But it was never something that he had ever liked, or even understood the allure towards. Every attempt he'd made sparsely over the years at watching something had ended with a stale and emotionless view of a shabby bedroom, with a stale, emotionless lewd act that felt inherently wrong.

Between a man heartlessly fucking a woman into the sheets, seeming to be focussing on nothing but the way his dick felt going into her, and not at all focussed on the girl herself - who also happened to be moaning in a way that Yunho couldn't help but feel was completely and entirely fake...

What was there that could possibly be to like?

Yunho sure as hell didn't know.

Refreshingly flaccid, despite literally thinking about sex, he rolled onto his stomach and dug his face into his pillow, breathing in through the fluffyness. His body felt heavy and his muscles were tired from running most of the night, and all he wanted to do was sleep.

But when his phone dinged on his desk with the specific text tone that marked his mother's number, he suddenly felt gross.

All unsavoury thoughts dispelling immediately, he leaned over and read the text.

8:21am
New Message: My Mother
Yunho darling, can you come and help out at the clinic this morning?
Our nurse went home sick

Yunho groaned. He had hoped to just sleep all day.

But apparently that would not be the case.

Pulling himself to sit on the edge of his bed, he unplugged his phone and texted back that he would be there soon.

Life would move on.

But Yunho just couldn't help that little nagging feeling in the back of his head.

How can you not know what you want?

~~~

A/N: Should I mark book 1 of this as complete? 🤷‍♀️ or no?